Blind Faith
by Brenna76
Summary: Kanda is a blind person without a friend in the world. Allen has all the company a guy could ask for so why does he choose to spend his time with an apathetic blind man? Maybe it has something to do with the strange feelings that bombard him whenever they are together. Maybe it's the recurring feeling that Kanda needs him.
1. Quiet Misery

" _ **To be blind is not to be miserable; not to be able to bear blindness, that is miserable." - John Milton**_ (Kanda)

" _ **I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." - Robin Williams**_ (Allen)

 **(Kanda POV)**

 _People are annoying. The world is annoying. Why do I bother living in it?_ Kanda whined to himself in his mind. The cane in his hand smacked against every surface Kanda came across, the sound loud and mocking to the blind man's ears. Kanda was born blind, you see. He hated being blind, he hated everything about it. A person could be flipping him off and Kanda wouldn't know.

It filled him with bitterness to think about it, but there were a lot of things he wouldn't and couldn't know because he was blind. His loving father had begun long ago to try and convince Kanda to get a helper, someone who could see to help him in his everyday life. His father even went so far as to hire a few of them to see if Kanda could stand their help, but Kanda was unable to tolerate each one's presence for more than a day.

As helpless and alone as Kanda felt being unable to see the people and the world around him, Kanda felt even more so with assistants narrating and describing everything to him and always trying to latch onto him so he wouldn't get lost in the street.

 _I'm not a child, dammit!_ Kanda seethed. Even though Kanda had weaknesses, he knew that he was capable of taking care of himself. He used the senses he honed through training and meditation to sense objects around him and make sure he didn't run into anything.

He used his obnoxious cane to make sure nothing touched HIM. His hearing was also better than most people's. He'd honed that sense through training, as well, but it was also strengthened by the fact that it was never weakened by sight.

It wasn't always enough, but it was all Kanda could do and he wouldn't rely on someone he couldn't even see to do it for him. He's never been comfortable relying on others and Kanda doubted he would ever be comfortable with it. Even if he truly felt that he needed someone else; he would not allow himself to be hurt by an invisible person.

Kanda's world was pitch black.

 **(Allen POV)**

The sound of a bell ringing signified the end of classes for the day. Allen walker began packing up his supplies while his peers got up from their seats and exited the usual group of Tokusa, Tewaku, Madarao, Kiredori, Goushi and Link grouped around him. The group of college students always hung around each other if they were nearby.

"That was a really hard lesson." Tokusa said, conversationally. Even though he said that, he had his usual pleasant smile on his face.

"I know!" Tewaku whined. Her voice always got on Allen's nerves, but he never said anything about it; he always tried to be nice. After all, Allen's father raised him to be polite, but that wasn't the main reason why he never voiced his irritation with her.

None of them were ever fully honest with each other. They hung out together and talked with each other and judged people together. Other people called them friends and so did they, but Allen knew they weren't friends in the way that normal people were friends. He didn't feel the way about them that one would generally feel about the closest friends they have. He did not feel he could trust them and rightfully so.

None of them really trusted each other with their worries or secrets or fears; they weren't together because they cared. They were all well-suited to each other in sports, invested in their education and with the abilities to be both outgoing and thoughtfully reserved; they were all uniquely driven individuals.

In their college, _The Order_ , they were one of those rare groups that not many students were part of, but everyone knew weren't popular, but everyone saw them, watched them and wondered about them. In fact, they might just have been some of the most unpopular students there. As a group (and often as individuals), they were unemotional and judgmental and closed up. A few of them wouldn't even talk if it was to someone who wasn't in their little group.

Out of everyone, Allen, Link and Tokusa were the more outgoing ones, though they often chose not to be. They would usually be the ones to decide what they did as a group and the others would follow. Even though he spent most of his time with them, Allen didn't really know about their pasts or what happened to them before college. He didn't even know their true feelings on most things. He didn't confide in them because they didn't care and they were the same with him and with each other.

This relationship filled Allen with an indescribable loneliness. It made him feel so alone, so uncared for, so unimportant and it was his "friends" that made him feel that way, even if they weren't actively trying to, but that was just how his social life had turned out. At any rate, he had always figured that it was better than being alone.

Lately, though, he had been seeing more the way normal people went with the ones they cared about and that friendship was more than just a contract; an agreement to provide company and entertainment for mutual gain. He was beginning to doubt his belief that loneliness was better than being alone. He was at a point in his life where he felt lower than the ground. His saving grace was Lenalee, his new coworker, but we'll get more to her later.

"Still found it easy, didn't you?" Madarao asked, his usual stoic look on his face.

Tokusa's smile turned sardonic. "Maybe." Tewaku punched Tokusa in the shoulder and he held it, giving a nervous laugh.

Throughout the conversation, Allen had continued to pack up his things without saying a word. Allen had slowly become less active and outspoken within the group as his internal debate about the company he kept waged on. However, he hadn't been showing signs of irritation or wanting to leave the group so, even though some of the others probably noticed the changes with him, they likely didn't think it was enough of a problem to address and deal with.

"So, Allen, what did you think of the test?" All except for Tokusa.

By all rights, the man was annoying in his own way. He was a rather calm and calculated individual, giving off the impression of possessing little to no genuine emotion. It was because of this that people often didn't give him too much credit, but Allen knew otherwise.

Tokusa had a way of noticing things about people that weren't generally noticed. He often unashamedly freaked people out when he deigned to talk to them because he would observe and point out things about them that they didn't even notice, themselves. Which Allen agreed was so creepy. As Allen started to slowly draw away from the group, Tokusa was the one out of all of them that seemed to take an active role in making sure he stayed in it.

He would bring Allen into conversations that he didn't take a part in, asking his opinion completely out of nowhere. He would remind Allen of dates and times when they would be having group outings, reminding him to come even though he knew Allen would. He knew, of course, that Allen hadn't forgotten anything. It was more of an exercise in control and to send multiple messages of "I don't like the thought of you leaving" than to give helpful information.

He was the person Allen had to worry about more than anyone. Allen didn't know what would happen if he got on the guy's bad side, but he really didn't need to find out that way. Even though he was normally outwardly calm and emotionless, Allen knew there was something more bubbling below the surface waiting to creep up should such a necessary situation arise. There was a reason no one outside of their group messed with him.

"It was alright." Allen gave a noncommittal answer, his usual response. A few of the others in the group nodded in agreement. They often did that even if they didn't agree with or didn't have an opinion on whatever Allen said. It was sort of like one of their commitments as members of the group; to agree. The group never argued amongst themselves, it was like an unspoken rule, an unseen pressure.

"Want to go to the mall?" Tokusa asked him after Allen had finished packing up his things.

"I can't. I have my part time job in a half hour, I'll barely get there in time to start my shift." Allen explained, happy to have an excuse to get away from the group. He'd been thinking that he could use the few short moments he had away from his "friends" to really think critically about what path he should be taking in his life. When he was around them, it always seemed to cloud his judgment, like a film obscuring the world.

"Ah, that's right." Tokusa reminisced, serenely. "That job you have at the Samurai Store."

Allen sighed in defeat. He had long since stopped trying to remind them that that was not the name of the store he worked at. They originally coined the phrase because of the large antique samurai display in the front store window.

"I'll see you guys later." Allen said, turning his head to look at the gang. When they nodded/said it back in response, he turned towards the door and all but bolted to his workplace.

 **(Kanda POV)**

 _I'm almost there...I think._ Kanda mused to himself as he felt his way down the street. The problem...one of the many problems Kanda had with being blind was that no matter how many times he went somewhere or how sure he was that he was in the right place, there was always that little seed of doubt that made him think that he might be wrong. SImply because he couldn't see it with his own eyes.

It seemed he could never get used to it. It felt like he was missing out on something that everyone else in the entire world got to experience and he hated it. While he was not shy about stating how much he hated being blind, he never talked about any of the deeper, more emotional issues that surrounded it. He never trusted anyone with that information even his father.

Tiedoll, the man he called dad, was a very kind man, Kanda would admit. The man's only real mistake was that he kept trying to get closer to Kanda. Kanda didn't open up to him about his emotions, didn't let himself feel vulnerable and most definitely didn't tell him when he had problems, but Tiedoll wanted him to. Kanda saw that, but Kanda didn't trust him or anyone else, it wasn't something he reserved only for his father, it was just how he was.

Kanda felt a blow to his side before he could sense the presence, he was too distracted. "Watch where you're going, buddy!" The disembodied voice yelled at him in a voice filled with pure rage before stomping off to parts unknown. Kanda grumbled, his anger and irritation rising quickly, but just continued on his trek, if not in an even worse mood than he had been previously.

He hated being outside. While he could relax and feel vulnerable as much as he wanted in his own home, a place he knew every inch of, he was at the mercy of the world and other people when he was anywhere else. His father usually did most of the shopping and things like that, but Kanda liked to train with his Katana and needed more polish for it.

When he sent Tiedoll out for it, he always forgot something or messed something up. Whether it was going to the wrong store or buying the wrong brand (the most likely, by far) or dropping the can on the way home, it was always something.

And, if he were being honest, Kanda didn't actually mind going to that particular store. There was a nice cashier there that always tried to help him out with his problems. She tried to understand him and his "handicap" to the best of her ability. Besides, the store had a nice stock. Kanda thought that it would be even better if he could actually see the store.


	2. Attracted to You in Ways I Can't Explain

**One quote is also the name of the chapter. It sounded good . . .**

* * *

" _ **He looked at her like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. - Unknown**_ (Kanda)

" _ **There are many things in this life that will catch your eyes, but only a few will catch your heart. Pursue those." - Unknown**_ (Allen)

" _ **Attracted to you in ways I can't explain." - Unknown**_ (Both)

 **(Allen POV)**

"Hey, Allen! Could you stack the sword polish? It's gotten messed up again." Lenalee called from one of the store isles.

"Okay!" Allen called from his position behind the cash register.

Allen Walker worked in a large, Asian themed boutique that boasted a wide variety of items, many of them quite strange. One would expect that the store wouldn't be selling so many of it's items consistently, but the store was actually very popular. Still…

 _Who has a sword these days? So many people looking at sword polish and I don't even know how to use one of those things._ Allen thought.

The only person working with him at the moment was his friend, Lenalee Lee. She was a very pretty, one might even say beautiful, girl about 16 years old and very kind as well as resilient on the job and great with people and their customers. They met on the job, but they soon grew so close that they began spending time together outside of work.

Lenalee was Chinese and she originally wanted to working in a Chinese or Asian style establishment because she felt she wanted the opportunity to connect with the culture(s). As for Allen, other than the fact that he really needed a job, he had no idea how he had ended up there, it was just how things ended up, but he wasn't complaining. After all, he had made a great friend in the process and the job wasn't so bad. Although, the only things he knew about Asia was what he was learning on the job.

As he turned the corner to the isle that contained the sword polish, his ponderings were cut short to be replaced by barely concealed annoyance. The somewhat large stack of sword polish that he and Lenalee had painstakingly put together was now in shambles...again. Why? Because people are pigs; that's why!

Allen, in his upset, began smacking the cans down in place. This action was so loud that he didn't hear the chime as the store door opened and a customer came in. Allen kept slamming the cans around until he heard someone clear their throat behind him.

Whipping around, Allen came face to face with just about the most attractive man he had ever met. "C-can I help you?"

"Yeah. I'm looking for the sword polish and could you do that any louder? You're making my ears hurt, Idiot!"

"Oh! Sorry!" Allen apologized, sheepishly, embarrassed at having been caught abusing the store products. "Here." Allen said, moving to the side so that the customer had easy access to the cans of polish, but the man didn't move. Instead, he held his hand out, as if fully expecting Allen to put something into it. When he didn't, the asian man raised an eyebrow as if wondering what Allen was doing.

Allen saw what seemed like a cane in his hand, though it was partially hidden behind his back. Sending an inquisitive look his way, Allen noticed something else. The man's eyes weren't looking at him. Well, they were, but it wasn't the same as when other people looked at him. It didn't feel like he saw him. It was like the man was looking into him yet his beautiful body and facial features still communicated indifference.

His captivating blue eyes didn't focus on anything. "Are you blind?" Allen asked as realization hit him.

A twitch formed on the asian's face as he snarled. "What of it?" He bit angrily, causing Allen to jump back slightly.

"Nothing! Nothing! There's nothing wrong with being blind!" Allen waved his hands in surrender.

"Che! I know that." The man grumbled, stretching his hand out further. "Well?"

"Well what?" Allen asked, confused about what the beautiful creature wanted from him.

"Are you going to give me the polish or what?"

"Oh, right!" Allen facepalmed and picked up a can, presenting it to the man. The man then turned without another word and walked to the register. He did so perfectly, without hesitation and without using his cane. It seemed like he had been there many times before, but this was the first time that Allen had seen him.

Realizing he was just standing there, staring, Allen moved behind the register and rang up the man's item. The man began "looking" for his wallet. Deciding that he couldn't let this spectacular man go without getting his number, Allen spoke. So, what's your name? I'm Allen Walker."

"None of your business." He responded venomously.

Allen pouted. _Foiled again._ Then the man finally found his wallet and handed over a credit card. Taking this opportunity, Allen took the card and read the name on it: Yu Kanda. Smirking to himself at his victory, Allen allowed the man, Kanda, to take the can into his hands once again.

"Well, Kanda." Allen smiled brightly as Kanda visibly twitched. "I hope I'll see you around here again. Do you need a receipt and could I get your number?"

"No and no." Kanda growled. Then the man known as Kanda stomped out of the store without giving Allen a chance to respond.

Left alone, staring at the door his romantic interest left through, Allen sighed disappointedly to himself. _There goes a lost opportunity. Why does he have to be so difficult? I'm not that bad, am I?_ Sighing again, Allen decided that since Kanda had been the only customer currently in the store, he might as well go back to the storage room and see if there was anything he could help Lenalee with.

 **(Kanda POV)**

Kanda trudged along his path in his own little world and bumping into things left and right. Kanda couldn't wrap his head around what had happened. He had gone to his favorite store (the only one he could find and tolerate easily) and went to find the sword polish for his katana, Mugen. Lenalee, the girl that always helped him, wasn't in and he seemed to have come in on some guy's schedule.

From the moment he crossed paths with the guy, he'd aggravated him. This Allen Walker guy pressed all of his annoyance buttons. He had been smacking something around when Kanda came in. Whatever it was had to be metal and sounded a lot like small cans or tins. The sword polish, he later reasoned. The same sword polish he had been there to get.

His intense hearing picked up the banging cans the same way normal pick up the sound of a jackhammer working away on cement right beside them. He sought out the noise into one of the isles. Once he found the source, he promptly told the person he knew was there to shut the hell up. And, man, if he thought the guy was intolerable before . . . well . . . he got even worse when he started talking.

He had an annoyingly warm and calm voice. He sounded like one smooth bastard and his questions were nosy and intrusive. It wasn't long before the man that introduced himself as Allen Walker started hitting on him which made Kanda uncomfortable.

However, it was something very different and much stranger that made Kanda want to rush out of the store as soon as possible. When he was talking to Walker, it actually felt like he was talking to someone. When he was facing the direction that Walker's voice came from, he didn't feel like he was looking in his general area but like he was looking right at him. Every now and again, his eyes would glide over an area and he'd feel a chill run down his spine. He felt, for no particular reason, he was looking into Walker's eyes.

He kept finding Walker's "eyes" multiple times throughout the checkout process and after having his name gleaned from his credit card, just as he was picking up his things, he saw something. Or, at least, he thought he did, but that would be impossible. He thought he saw something. A quick flash that could have only been a millisecond. Then it was gone. No color, no definition and very hazy. Kanda had no idea what he saw or if he even saw it, but the memory played in his mind, twisting and turning like a knife irritating his brain.

 _Allen Walker . . . are you doing this to me.?_

 **(Allen POV)**

The storage room was a small one about twice the size of a normal closet. It was dark because there were no lights installed in the room. To have just enough lighting to see if you squint, you would have to leave the door open so that the rest of the store lights would filter in through the opening. Most of the stock they had were specialty, rare and hard to find items so they were bought on an "as needed" basis. The rest of the merchandise were shelved in varying quantities in the storage room.

Once a month, Lenalee was tasked with going back there and taking a full stock inventory. Allen found her doing exactly that in the storage room. In the dimly lit room with the door hanging open, the petite chinese girl stood in the center of the room with her head bent downward towards a clipboard clutched in her hand. She was scribbling fiercely onto the clipboard, completely immersed in her task.

Allen had seen her like this before. In fact, it could be considered a habit of hers. Allen raised his knuckles to the open doorway and rapped on it. He hoped to get her attention without running the risk of giving her a heart attack. It seemed to do the trick as she looked up in a startled manner before seeing Allen and giving him a sweet smile. Allen relaxed seeing this and stepped into the room.

He felt at ease with this woman. Her charming personality and kind smile were constant and genuine unlike those of his "friends". Lenalee was (arguably) the first person Allen had ever met that he truly felt that he could trust. Her cheerfulness and straightforward honesty had won Allen's heart instantly. On occasion, Allen would sometimes wonder if he leaned on her more than he realized.

"Allen? You alright?" Lenalee asked, finding that Allen seemed to be staring off into space.

"Huh?" Allen sputtered, coming out of his reverie. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." He spoke sheepishly.

"Are you sure?" She asked, beginning to go back to her task.

"Yeah. Just thinking about something, I guess." As he said this, Allen recalled the beautiful blind man with a prickly attitude that had set his heart aflame. And some other parts of his body that he didn't want to think about at the moment . . .

"What about?" Lenalee glanced up interestedly, stopping her work for a moment. He really liked how, when he had a problem,she would stop everything and give him her full attention. As usual, Allen was ready to bear his soul to her in a matter of seconds.

"Well, there was this guy in the store earlier. He wasn't very nice, but I really like him. He already left, though, and I don't think he's going to be coming back. After all, he seemed to kind of hate me." Allen said sulkily.

"What did he look like?" Lenalee asked helpfully. "Maybe I've seen him before."

Allen closed his eyes for a moment as he thought back to the blind man. His eyes, though without focus, were bewitching and his sleek black hair trailed after him like a silken veil. There was something about the way he walked, too, that was unique only to this one person. Even his deliberate, heavy steps were made with a sort of undeniable grace that Allen had never thought a man could have. But he was getting lost in the moment.

"He's . . . tall and has black hair tied up and he's blind."

Lenalee listened as Allen listed off Kanda's physical features. With each feature, she was reminded of one of their regular customers that she knew very well. When Allen got to the part about him being blind, Lenalee knew that it had to be the same person.

"Allen, are you talking about a Mr. Yu Kanda?" She asked in surprise. Allen, sharing a similar look as her own, nodded in the affirmative. The surprise left Lenalee's face and she smiled. "Well, you won't have to worry about not seeing him again. He's a regular customer here. He just usually comes in during my shift."

Allen's eyes brightened up at that new piece of information, but dimmed a moment later. "But this was the first time I saw him and you said he only comes in on your shifts normally. He'll probably avoid me after this. Even if he didn't, he can't stand me so there's no way he'll so much as even let me talk to him."

Lenalee felt sorry seeing her coworker, someone she thought of as a friend, looking so defeated. Maybe she was too much of a hopeless romantic, but it was clear that the man was smitten. And maybe having a boyfriend would be good for Kanda, too. She knew how lonely and closed off he was and the same could go for Allen. The two needed each other, Lenalee reasoned. Convincing herself of this, she threw a determined look Allen's way, catching his attention.

"I'm going to help you with that." Lenalee said, happily, but in a tone that left no room for argument. "Follow my orders exactly and I'll tell you just what to do."

 _Like I have a choice._ Allen thought apprehensively, but he couldn't stop his being from tingling in excitement.


	3. Meet Again

" _ **Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to get a second look." - Boonaa Mohammed**_ (Allen)

" _ **Once you start to dislike someone, everything they do begins to annoy you." - Unknown**_ (Kanda)

" _ **Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard**_ (Both)

 **(Allen POV)**

Lenalee ended her call and placed her phone back into her pocket.

"Well, what do I have to do?" Allen asked nervously, he didn't like it when Lenalee got manipulative; it was scary.

"First of all, I'll tell you how to impress Kanda or at least not annoy him. I help him every time he comes to the store and I think I know him pretty well now. He doesn't like to talk, but he will listen whether or not he wants to. A very attractive quality for a very attractive man, by the way." Lenalee got a look in her eyes that said she was restraining herself from going after him as well, then she continued.

"He doesn't like accepting help, but he also doesn't like going through too much trouble to do something. Solution: Do little things for him and try not to talk about it and rub it in his face. After all, it's the little things a guy does that grabs a girl's attention." When Allen offered her a quizzical glance at that last comment, he saw her with another wistful, faraway look and knew she was talking from experience and let it rest.

"What kind of small things?" Allen wondered.

"Shh! I'll get to that later. First, there's more to learn."

 **(Kanda POV)**

Kanda was practically spitting fire. He couldn't believe that, after he just went out shopping the day before, his father had asked him to go to the store again. And he didn't want just anything, oh no, he wanted a specific hair therapy product that could only be found at Mise. Mise was Japanese being a word for store. Yes, the place is literally named store. It was the asian style store that he kind of liked. At least, he liked it until he was faced with that annoying human being, Walker.

At first, Kanda had refused to go. He'd told his father that if he wanted it so badly, he should just go do it himself. However, his father pushed and pushed and wouldn't leave Kanda alone until the blind man relented. Just to make sure that he wouldn't run into Walker, he waited until the next day, a Wednesday, when he knew Lenalee would be working. She was a sweet sounding girl that greeted him every other time he went to the store. While he didn't like being bothered by people, she bothered him much less than other people so, in terms of Kanda, he liked her.

So, he headed out Wednesday morning and went back to the store. His walk was it's usual annoyance, but nothing significant happened. When he got to the store, someone did indeed greet him, but it wasn't Lenalee. It. Was. God. Damn. Walker.

"Good morning, Kanda!" His cheerful voice exclaimed, grating on every nerve Kanda had, immediately. Why? Why was Walker here?

Kanda gave no response which somehow equated to Walker as an invitation because said man launched into talking about how his day was going. Kanda let out a growl, still racking his mind trying to figure out why this was happening to him. Why was Walker here greeting him? Where the hell was Lenalee?

 _Please don't let me have to deal with this guy._ Kanda thought, mournfully.

The blind man hesitantly stepped forward into the store, intent on finding what he needed and leaving. But, the second he did, Allen stopped his yammering. "What would you like?"

"What?" Kanda snapped, but with clear confusion.

"What would you like?" Walker asked again.

"Nothing." Kanda said, angrily. There was no way he was going to accept help from this guy.

"It can't be nothing." Allen argued. Kanda wondered if he was imagining the slight whine in the clerk's voice. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.

 _Damn._ Kanda was about to protest again, but Allen cut him off once more.

"What are the chances you'll find whatever you're looking for on your own?" The worker's voice asked.

Compared to how his voice was before (and, yes, you would have to compare it like that to notice with him), Walker's voice was overly smug. Kanda would have bet money that he wasn't expecting an answer. His question was more like a hidden statement. One that said: "You need me, whether you like it or not. Whether you like me or not."

Trying his best not to growl and give Walker the satisfaction of gauging just how ticked off he had made him, Kanda just opened his mouth. "Hair product."

That was all he said, but Allen understood immediately. "Right this way." Walker said, suddenly sounding more professional. Kanda could pretty much hear the smile in his voice.

Was there anything about this guy that didn't piss him off? Short answer: No. More philosophical answer: Walker, even in the short time they'd had to talk, had proven to be an amalgamation of many of the things that bothered Kanda about people. He was intrusive with either no concept of personal space and boundaries or just no care for them. All too willing to launch himself head first into Kanda's business even as he tried to keep him out, he was just like everyone else.

Kanda hated overly cheery people too. Note: He considered someone overly cheery when they were overbearing with their emotions to the point where they really seemed to be trying to force him to mirror their happiness. Maybe he hated perky people less because of how annoying they could be and more because they had cultivated certain qualities in themselves that he wished he was capable of.

Lenalee was the rare (singular) exception. Kanda considered her very respectful in her thoughts and behavior so he could ignore her sunny demeanor. Not at all like this prat. Kanda managed to reign in his anger and quietly followed after Walker's footsteps.

 **(Allen POV)**

 _Calm . . . Keep your calm, Allen, even though slipping now could ruin everything._

Allen carefully looked back at Kanda without turning his head, but he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like Kanda would see him do it, anyway. Allen continued to put effort into his usual social graces even after he found out that Kanda was blind. Why? He wasn't sure. The only answer he ever got when he asked himself that was that he wanted to try his best for Kanda.

And so he smiled. He smiled his best smile reserved for charming people even knowing that the other man would neither see nor appreciate the gesture. Allen carefully, slowly, savoringly led Kanda to where the store's assortment of strange hair care products resided.

Looking back at the blind man behind him, Allen made doubly sure that Kanda wasn't about to run into anything. Kanda did nothing of the sort. He walked straight forward in a determined manner. If any object seemed to come close to even touching the blind man, he would deftly move out of range as if he could easily sense said object. Impressed, Allen turned back to face forward.

 _Come on, Walker!_ Allen mentally scolded himself. _Say something! Lenalee didn't go through all that work to get you this opportunity and preparing you for it so that you could mess it all up now!_

 _*Flashback*_

" _Kanda's the more calm and introverted type." Lenalee explained. "So don't expect him to talk to you. You have to talk with him if you want anything to happen. He has an iron will so be pushy. I know you can be good at that. But, whatever you do, don't let him leave without gaining anything substantial to show for it._

 _*End Flashback*_

 _I have to say something._ Allen decided.

"So . . . you really hate me, huh?" _No! Not that! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_ Allen scolded himself, but it was too late. He had already said it and Kanda had heard.

A silence followed. It was awkward and filled with embarrassment, on Allen's part. He had no idea what Kanda was thinking. Partway into the silence, he realized for the first time that both he and Kanda had stopped walking and were now standing idly in the middle of the little shop. Just as Allen was about to start a new topic, hopefully a less serious or embarrassing one, Kanda beat him to the punch.

"Not hate."

 _Huh?_

 **(Kanda POV)**

Kanda was surprised with the words that came out of his mouth. No, not surprised. It was more like Kanda was amazed. The words simply slipped out of his mouth without warning. Still, he knew they were true. The man annoyed and irked him. His presence alone enough to shorten Kanda's temper even further. Yet, of all the things he'd thought about Allen, none had been of hate.

"Just annoying." Kanda finished, after getting over his initial shock. Kanda didn't know what look Walker had on his face, but he was sure it looked like his own. Nothing but pure, dumb confusion.

It was really quiet for a while. Because Kanda was blind, it was especially hard on him. Without walking and talking, it was hard for him to get his bearings. He had less than an idea of what was happening or what the only other person in the room was thinking and that unnerved him. Kanda was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second.

"So . . . the hair product?" Kanda spoke, shakily.

"Oh, yes!" Allen yelled, his hurried footsteps rushing off to an unknown location in search of the required item.

Kanda stumbled blindly after the sound, knowing that if he lost Allen in the store, he might actually lose his way. Only his heightened senses kept him from running into the shelving displays. Allen took no notice, of course, having lost himself in his sore need to complete his task.

So, Allen rushed along the aisles with the blind Kanda in hot pursuit. Allen finally came upon the aisle he wanted and did so so abruptly that he had to stop immediately or else he would pass by it completely and almost fell forward face first in the process. Kanda, in turn, just barely stopped himself from running into anything when he caught up to the man.

"Uh, here it is." Allen apparently found what Kanda needed from one of the shelves.

Due to what could possibly have been a learning experience from the last time, the man didn't miss a beat before taking Kanda's hand in his own and placing the item in the blind man's palm. A small, unpronounced but strange heat warmed the area of his hand that Allen touched. Upon feeling the presumed hair product in his hand, Kanda reflexively tightened his grip around it.

Kanda immediately noticed that they were having another awkward silence while he was distracted and Kanda resolved to not have to endure another one. "Mind if I check out now?" Kanda asked in a way that didn't make it sound very much like a question, but instead a threat. In an obscure way, the asian man felt somewhat like a hostage negotiator.

"Of course, Kanda!" Walker exclaimed happily and went towards the register, this time at a more steady pace. Kanda growled at how this person he had just met was continuously using his name. However, he followed, anyway.

 _At least he's using my last name._ Kanda reasoned. _Yeah, at least that's something. And am I making excuses for him? Surely not!_ Astonished at his own thoughts, Kanda did his best to ignore them as he stopped on his side of the cash register.

Kanda began rifling through his pockets looking for his credit card. Well, his father's credit card since Kanda had outright refused to use his money to buy a damned thing for his father just because the old man was too lazy to go out and get his own stuff, but no matter how much he searched, he came up with a handful of bills.

 _Damnit! He must've lied about putting his card in my pocket! Cheap old man . . ._ Kanda absolutely detested using bills. One of the biggest drawbacks of being blind, by far, for Kanda would be in paying for things. Bills in America, whether one dollar or one hundred dollars, all felt the same. Same material, same size, same shape; same everything.

The coins were the only things where you could actually tell the difference simply by touching them. So, unless he wanted to pay with coins only (not a very attractive thought), then Kanda would always have to pay with a card of some kind.

Now, really, the problem lies less with the money and more with the people. While it was bothersome to not know if you were carrying a wad of ones or a wad of tens, it can be rather easily cleared up by asking someone. A cashier at a store or a teller at a bank perhaps. Something like: "Excuse me, but how much money am I holding?"

The thing is, people can lie. It's happened on numerous occasions, people with seeing disabilities pay for something with cash and are taken advantage of. It goes like this: You know you have twenty dollars and pay for something that is five dollars. You should get fifteen dollars back, right? Well, if the clerk is deceptive, they can give you two one dollar bills back and tell you it is a ten and a five. They feel the same and you have no way to tell if they're lying without asking someone else. Since it's cash, they can pocket the difference and it wouldn't show up in the transaction.

Since Kanda didn't even remotely trust people, he never used paper money. Now, Kanda would have to and he didn't even know how much money he needed let alone what he had on him.

"You have ten dollars." Allen's voice resonated in Kanda's mind, drawing his attention. Slowly, Kanda's eyes drifted to where he heard Walker's voice come from. "Here." The worker said as he gently took the bills from Kanda's hand. Kanda listened mutely to some shuffling and typing as Allen rung up his purchase and then felt his press his change pressed against his hand by Allen's, that damnable heat returning for a split second before disappearing.

Something felt off about the shape of some of the money. "There's a five and a one. I bent the corner of the five so you could tell the difference." Allen supplied.

Kanda was downright speechless. While Walker seemed to be anticipating his needs this time around, he was going to the extra mile to ensure Kanda's comfort. _Why is he doing this?_ Kanda thought. No one ever did something like this for him.

Most special things people did for him, besides his father, were either done because it was their job (i.e. his rather annoying aids) and felt cheap or not done at all. Kanda couldn't help but think that, even if this guy wanted to get with him, who was ever this kind or thoughtful about it?

 _Allen Walker, why are you so irritating?_


	4. We Have Progress!

" _ **If the whole world was blind how many people would you impress?" - Boonaa Mohammed**_ (Allen)

" _ **You can't force chemistry to exist where it doesn't the same way you can't deny it when it does." - Unknown**_ (Kanda)

" _ **When your whole being is attracted to someone else's whole being, then I think that is someone you were meant to be with at some point." - Lily Collins**_ (Both)

 **(Allen POV)**

Allen took the opportunity given to him by Kanda's seemingly distracted state to stare at the guy. _Dear god! This guy is unreal!_

He took in all of Kanda's features at as close a proximity as he dared. Allen quickly scanned over his blue eyes, afraid that staring into them would cause said man to snap back to attention. In trying to avoid the eyes, the cashier found himself becoming entranced by the spectacular ink black hair. It really did look amazing even if he was sure Kanda's hair would look better out of the ponytail he had it in.

"Can I walk you home?" The words quite literally burst out of Allen's mouth before he could stop or even think about it. The white haired man winced, physically pained by how that sounded.

Kanda, reacting much the same way, actually flinched while wearing an angry and maybe humiliated look. The reaction and subsequent growl he produced after recovering was laced with so much murderous intent that, perhaps for the first time, Allen was seriously regretting his words.

Kanda slowly leaned forward towards Allen's face, his hands flat on the checkout counter. The blind man was obviously doing his best to glare imposingly at Allen and,although the man's eyes didn't quite seem to register him, the chilling look did well in drilling straight through Allen's body.

The college student in question was seriously considering pressing the button behind the counter that would signal the police. At least that way he would live to hit on the same man again in the future, but hopefully with a different approach and better results. Kanda, however, didn't attack him over the counter even though Allen fully expected it.

Instead, he just said one word in such a low growl that it was nearly unintelligible. "No." That was the last word he said. The handsome man quickly began feeling around for hit item on the counter and quickly latched onto it when he felt what he was looking for. Before Allen could stop him or even say a thing, Kanda had stomped out of the door and was taking off down the street. Again, Allen Walker found himself staring at the door through which Kanda had left.

 _I wonder if Kanda is just a huge, impermeable prick. . . or maybe I'm just really bad at this whole flirting thing. I haven't really gotten much practice._ Allen thought, on the verge of giving up. _I guess I need to call Lenalee and tell her that the plan was a big failure. I'll have to apologize to her that she had to go to so much trouble for nothing._

Depressed, Allen moved to get his phone out of his pocket and call his friend, but his hand stilled without warning about an inch from where the device was stationed. Allen narrowed his eyes at the door, thinking back to his conversation with Lenalee.

She'd said that he would have to be pushy with Kanda. The girl had expressly stated that he couldn't acquiesce the way he always did. In that moment, staring off in the direction that his romantic interest had fled in, Allen came upon a decision.

 _I'm going to push my feelings to their limits. I'll chase that man to the edge of the Earth! I don't care if he pushes me off of it when we get there!_ Reaching his ultimate resolve, Allen quickly left the shop, barely putting the "closed" sign on the door before taking to the street the same way Kanda had.

He hoped he wouldn't be too late to catch up to Kanda. Allen ran all the way down the street and a few blocks over in his search for the man that interested him. Finally, the clerk stopped as he found himself coming to the edge of a park.

This particular park was one that Allen had seen multiple times, but had never actually entered. He wasn't planning on making the detour this time, either, as he was busy looking for someone at the moment. However, a cluster of sounds caused Allen's attention to turn back to the park.

Finally, his silver colored eyes landed on it. What Allen saw was his friends surrounding someone and seemingly ganging up on them. In between all of them and center of their attention was Kanda.

"You totally ran into me! Aren't you going to fix it?!" Tewaku squealed in her annoyingly high pitched voice.

"You were the one that ran into me!" Kanda barked back in that defensive tone of his.

"And how would you know that? Hmm? How can a blind man be certain of anything?" The characteristically calm voice alerted Allen to Tokusa's presence next to Tewaku and in front of Kanda.

The man had his usual smug, tranquil expression with that vexing smile of his on his face. His last statement struck Allen as insensitive and crude which especially irked him since it was aimed at his potential love interest.

"If we say you did, then you did so aren't you going to make it up to us?" Tokusa asked though his tone suggested it was hardly a question.

"And how would you expect me to do that?" Kanda asked sarcastically, his voice coated with bitterness.

"You could start by apologizing." Somehow, after starting all this, Allen doubted that a simple apology would be enough for the somewhat enigmatic Tokusa. "You're Asian, right? Bow and apologize like your people traditionally would." And his thoughts were immediately proven right.

Allen foresaw this argument escalating quickly especially since if he knew Kanda . . .

"Screw you! I'm not going to freaking bow!" The blind man growled, taking a fighting stance.

Yep. That about sums it up. Allen glanced at the face of his group's informal leader. While the man's facial features never seemed to change much with his mood, if anyone would be capable of gauging his thoughts through such a method, it would be Allen. The two men had made a conscious habit out of reading other people. Now that Allen wanted to leave the group, they had just as quickly turned their abilities on each other and were having a kind of secret war with it.

To Allen, Tokusa seemed to be losing his patience, an occurrence that was never a good thing. "Well, then I guess we'll have to-"

"Hey!" Allen cut him off and ran over to the group, trying to stop next to Kanda without drawing too much attention to it.

"Allen! What are you doing here? I thought you were working?" Tewaku looked excited to see him, if not a bit confused by his presence. Tokusa was eyeing him critically.

"I was, but while I was working I got a customer who was sight challenged." At this, Allen gestured goodnaturedly at Kanda who looked at him with wide eyes.

"He asked me to walk him home to make sure he got there alright." Kanda glared upon hearing this. "And since it is also my job to take care of customers, I was bound to say yes."

"Oh! I see!" Tewaku gleefully cried, clapping her hands together, happy that she now understood the situation.

"So I know it's asking a lot, but could you please not bother him? You guys are kind of making my job harder." Allen asked, coyly.

"Of course! We wouldn't want to make your job harder, right?" Tewaku cried, looking to Tokusa for his affirmation of agreement.

Tokusa was silent for a moment as if mulling something over. Allen got the subtle feeling that Tokusa was staring him down, but he just kept the friendly and oblivious smile pasted on his face. The atmosphere between the two went unnoticed by everyone except for Kanda who was straining his ears trying to get an idea of why the air suddenly felt so heavy.

Eventually, Tokusa gave a closed eyed smile and his profile became more amenable. "Of course not. Work is very important, I understand." The rest of the group drew back from their imposing stances to more relaxed positions after seeing Tokusa's acceptance. "We'll leave you to it, then. See you tomorrow for lunch. Don't forget."

After giving his usual reminder to Allen and a look that guaranteed to Allen that the two men would definitely be talking more about this occurrence later, Tokusa and the others turned, almost in unison, and left the park.

"Your job, huh?" Kanda said when he sensed that Allen's friends were too far away to overhear.

"So how about that walk home?" Allen asked, just as much in an effort to get his way as it was to change the subject of conversation.

Kanda wore a thoughtful expression, trying to think of a good reason to turn the white haired man down on his request, if his expression was anything to go by. "Alright. I suppose you've earned that."

Though it could have been wishful thinking on Allen's part, he could have sworn there was a hint of thankfulness somewhere in his voice. Allen was possibly more surprised by Kanda hinting at the admittance of Allen having actually done something for him than he was that Kanda had actually accepted.

"But you better not be boring to walk with." Kanda's voice hinted at a joke.

"I promise you I'll be the best you ever had." Allen said, winking even though he knew Kanda wouldn't see. Taking an experimental glance at the other guy, Allen was shocked to see the actual smile that graced the dark haired man's features. It was small and probably not the most charming of smiles, but for Allen, it was beautiful and shook him to the very core of his soul.

Transfixed, he watched those smiling lips and listened to the wonderful words that came out. "Let's go."

So simple yet holding so much promise. It was the first time he wasn't blowing Allen off and he was talking about them like a unit. Like they were one, but now Allen's mind was going nuts with that aspect.

Smiling and fighting back the urge to take Kanda's hand, Allen began to lead his love out of the park. After all, he didn't want to go too far too soon. The last thing he wanted to do was make Kanda mad or uncomfortable. Besides, Allen hoped to have plenty of time for that sort of thing later on down the road.

 _Let's go . . . together. Let's go, Kanda._


	5. Feelings

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." - George Bernard Shaw (Allen)

"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.." - Harold Kushner (Kanda)

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." - Unknown (Both)

 **(Kanda)**

The walk was peaceful. More so than Kanda had expected. Perhaps it was the way that they'd first met, but Kanda noticed that he seemed to assume the worst of Allen. Even as he accepted the offer of a walk to his home, Kanda had expected it to turn out as more of a strain or a headache with Allen talking incessantly through the duration of the walk and making the occasional stupid comment he would.

It wasn't like that at all, though, not at all. Allen was courteous, never making a single scathing comment like his "friends" had done. In near perfect form (for Kanda would never admit to anyone's form besides his own, let alone Walker's, being perfect), Allen kept from saying anything too prying or insensitive about what had transpired at the park, but he did make some conversation on it and kept it all in good taste with a decent sense of humor about the whole thing. Kanda liked that as it made the conversation seem more like something that would go on between peers rather than between a blind man and someone who only felt pity for him.

After the confrontation between the two of them and the people who seemed to be Walker's friends, Kanda allowed himself to be escorted out of the park in the direction of his home. At least, he assumed it was in the direction of his home. Kanda was loathe to admit it, but he sometimes got turned around and directionally confused when he was distracted and it especially happened when whatever distracted him turned out to be emotionally taxing.

He'd told Walker his address and they'd begun walking. Kanda was equally loathe, by the way, to put into words that he was basically trusting that Allen was leading him in the right direction and not taking advantage of him and messing with him in any way. They generally walked side by side easily, but sometimes he would feel Walker's hand lightly and unintrusively holding his elbow so that he didn't draw behind or if he wanted to alert Kanda that they were going to make a turn.

For a while, Walker didn't really say anything. It unnerved Kanda as it was such a far cry from his usual ceaseless chattering. Not only was it out of character for the other man, but it was near impossible for Kanda to gauge what was happening with another person if they didn't say anything or make any sounds. Kanda was just starting to get twitchy with anxiety when Allen cleared his throat, bringing the ink black haired man out of his reverie.

"Are you alright? From what happened earlier, I mean." Kanda huffed at the unnecessary clarifying Allen had done, as if Kanda could have mistaken what he was talking about. Though not especially pronounced, there was a strong hint of concern lacing Walker's voice.

This gave Kanda some mixed feelings. On the one hand and for some unknown reason, Walker's concern for him pleased Kanda a little. On the other hand, he'd always hated other people (even his father) concerning themselves with his business. If any other asshole had the nerve to show pity for Kanda, he would end them without a moment's hesitation. He didn't need anyone's pity and he didn't want it.

He didn't really know which feeling to act on, the pleased one or the angry one. However, since Kanda was always able to feel anger much more strongly and he was far more used to it than gratefulness than any other emotion, Kanda decided to settle with that one. "I'm perfectly fine." Kanda ground out.

Glancing in Allen's direction, Kanda quickly scoffed and looked away. Then, speaking to the man next to him in a petulant manner, Kanda went on. "This isn't the first time something like this has happened.

He was expecting Allen to go quiet after that snappish comment, but that delusion didn't last long. "I'm still sorry."

Kanda sighed, irritably. Now he was going to have to ask why; that's how socializing worked. It was like people wanted to play games by asking questions or making statements that lured each other into giving the responses that they wanted. So, grudgingly, Kanda asked why.

"It was my friends that bothered you. I can't help but feel responsible for it." Allen said, haltingly.

Kanda wasn't sure if Allen was aware of it or not, but there was a note in his voice that the blind man easily picked up. Being blind did have it's advantages (not that Kanda would, again, ever admit it) such as being better able to study the differences in a person's voice based on their thoughts or emotions. And what Kanda was picking up right now was something sort of surprising, not necessarily what he had expected.

There was a hint of desperation in his voice, mixing with a longing. A longing for what? Kanda felt as if Allen was almost subconsciously begging for the other man to tell him that it wasn't his fault and that everything was going to be alright. And that was something unexpected. The overall bright man who talked way too much was definitely suffering from emotions Kanda knew nothing about. He almost felt bad for the man he so easily thought of as a nuisance before working quickly to squash it all down.

Kanda had been staring ahead during this period of deep thought. He wasn't sure if he should do something even something really small to help Walker work through his sudden weakness or if he should just irritatedly ignore like he did with most anything else that he didn't wish to deal with. While wondering this, Kanda turned his head to look at where he projected his companion should be, a habit of his that he'd developed after many heated comments from a range of sources that all said the same general thing about how it was super creepy that Kanda would always talk but never look at the person he was talking to. Insensitive prats. However, Kanda saw something that sent a chill through him. Yes, saw something.

 _Not again!_ Kanda panicked as he saw yet another flash of white. This was different from the previous one, though. The other one seemed like it belonged there, for lack of a better explanation. Like it was actually a part of something physical; something you could touch. This flash of white was more like a camera flashing in someone's eyes and blinding them. It was there and gone the same way and also similarly left Kanda's eyes aching in the direct aftermath.

Then he was plunged right back into the familiar darkness to which he had become accustomed. Kanda blamed Allen for all of this. He had always been so sure of himself and what he thought and felt before this new person came along and started stirring everything up inside him. And Kanda wanted to turn away from it all, he really did. He wanted to forget about the flashes of things he didn't want to admit he saw and about Walker and his emotions, too.

But he couldn't run away, either. There was something in him he couldn't deny. Something that told him these changes weren't bad even if he didn't completely believe that. The blind man was horrified to find that his emotions said run away, but whatever part of him that had control over his body wanted to stay right where he was and, subsequently, Kanda found himself unable to move away from the person at his side no matter the tempus that the action was turning his emotions into.

But one thing Kanda knew clearly was this: In that brief flash, he knew he saw a pair of silver-blue eyes.

 **(Allen)**

Allen couldn't rein in his emotions. Nothing new for him in a general sense, but he couldn't even figure out where they were coming from. Okay, one moment he was feeling an almost crushing guilt over what happened between Tokusa and Kanda. The downright horrible (although not unusual for Tokusa) that had been said still rung in his mind. So much so, in fact, that Allen felt tears prick at his eyes.

Allen wasn't stupid, though. Or, at least, he liked to think he wasn't that stupid. He knew that this wasn't all about Kanda or even the confrontation with his group of friends earlier. This was loads of repressed feelings and stress and loneliness that was all bubbling to the surface like a tar pit. It wouldn't go down until he calmed down and it was a good thing he was used to calming himself down.

At first, Allen was just taking a few deep breathes and it seemed to work out fine. After a little bit, though, he got slammed with a flurry of new emotions. They likely resembled more of a storm than anything and Allen really had no clue where they were coming from. The introduction of these new feelings brought with them an unfamiliar sense of panic for Allen, making it hard for him to either function or focus, but he was able to steady himself enough to pick out a few feelings from the thunderstorm of them he was currently experiencing.

 _Fear, curiosity, need, anger, resentment, rage, immense sadness . . . loneliness._ Well, that last one definitely sounded like Allen, but it still didn't feel like it was his.

Before then, Allen didn't really think that a person could own emotions. To be completely fair, he'd never had to think about it. Who has? Now, though, ownership seemed incredibly important. The emotions he'd felt before were his. The completely uncontrollable and destructive ones he was feeling at that moment in time were not his. They were someone else's. Even though Allen thought this, he didn't understand what he meant by them.

Meanwhile, the white haired clerk could feel his inexplicable sense of panic rising to a crescendo. Just when Allen was worried that he would have a panic attack or something serious like that, it stopped. It all just stopped. Anger and sadness and panic all just dissipating as quickly as they had come. This left Allen reeling as he was taken suddenly from a mass or foreign emotions to just the few mild ones he had started out with.

Without enough time to recover from his emotional turmoil, Allen felt something pull at his sleeve. Quickly turning around, he saw Kanda who was holding onto his sleeve with one hand and doing his usual facing forward staring at nothing. Allen wanted to open his mouth and ask what it was Kanda wanted, but his heart was still beating much too quickly with his nerves badly frayed and he found getting his body to obey his mind took a little more work than it should. They stood in that position for a bit longer in awkward silence before Kanda seemed to understand that he wasn't going to be the one to break the silence this time and took it upon him to do it himself.

"We're here." Kanda stated, his voice inquiring but still managing to sound patronizing. Like Allen was stupid for not realizing something so obvious which, he thought, he may have been. A quick turn from Allen's head in the other direction where there was housing brought his gaze straight to a mail slot with the address Kanda had given him on it.

Well, Allen definitely knew that the embarrassment he felt at that moment was entirely his own emotion. "Oh. Sorry." Allen apologized, sheepishly, letting out a nervous chuckle.

"Right . . ." Kanda said in a suspicious tone.

"So . . ." Allen tried to think of what to say. _I wonder if he'd allow it if I asked to come in for a while. He likes being left alone . . . maybe I should just leave._ Allen thought. "Well, then, I guess I'll just -"

Before Allen could finish a sentence, something stopped him. Allen felt an acute loneliness seep into his body and perhaps a bit of desperation. _**I don't want to be alone.**_ The feelings almost screamed that and, this time, Allen felt like he knew where these feelings were coming from this time.

The silver eyed man glanced over at the man beside him, still holding his sleeve. Kanda had the most miserable look on his face as his head lolled down to stare at the street below. "Let's go inside." Allen said softly.

Kanda's head shot up sharply and even though he wasn't seeing Allen, he was definitely looking at his companion in complete shock. Allen wondered if he was maybe going to say something in denial, but he merely gave a tentative but firm nod and allowed himself to be led by Allen up to the front door of his house.


	6. Stuck With One Another

"It's funny how when I'm loud people tell me to be quiet, but when I'm quiet, people ask me what's wrong with me." - Unknown **(Kanda)**

"Honest hearts produce honest actions." - Unknown **(Allen)**

"If you want to be trusted, be honest. If you want to be honest, be true. If you want to be true, be yourself." - Unknown **(Both)**

 **(Allen)**

Allen wasn't sure what he was expecting when he entered Kanda's house, but he was genuinely surprised by what he was met with. The large wood door opened easily for Allen, already unlocked, swinging open with only a slight creaking sound. Kanda had stepped up the three stairs to the front door and stood off to the side of it with a grace that was only brought on by the confidence of repetitiveness.

Despite his seemingly inherent knowledge of where the door was located, Kanda made no move to open it himself. An almost nonexistent side glance towards Allen's person by the raven haired man following Allen's confused hesitation was all the perceptive Allen needed to be assured that his companion fully expected him to get the door.

Not sure how he should feel about this assumption of Kanda's (but leaning towards offended) Allen decided to bypass thinking too much on it at the moment and merely stepped forward to grab hold of the doorknob. He pushed the door open for Kanda and allowed the other man to walk in first before going in after him and shutting the door behind him.

Overall the place was stunning. The living room was a modern looking room with nearly pristine white walls. In the room were a couch, two chairs, a chaise lounge and a TV, which (while not screaming "big and expensive") was a substantially sized flat screen stuck up onto the wall. The furniture in question was white as well with bright orange pillows decorating them. More attractive looking than overpowering, helped add life to the otherwise colorless interior.

Also on the walls were several paintings. Most of them were landscape paintings, but some of them were of other things and a there were even a few portraits of miscellaneous people. The frames were evenly placed as if whoever put them up had measured the space in between with a ruler. On closer inspection, the signatures on the paintings all looked incredibly similar, even from a distance, indicating that they were most likely all done by the same person.

While Allen was taking in the surprisingly luxurious area, Kanda wasted no time in heading over to the adjoining kitchen area. Following his love interest at a much more sedate pace, Allen walked into the kitchen after Kanda to find the aforementioned man feeling around for something in the refrigerator.

"Um . . . Kanda?" Allen asked, uncertainly, wary of breaking the suddenly very noticeable quiet pervading the home.

Kanda's hands stilled for less than a second in their quest before proceeding as if he hadn't paused at all. It seemed, however, that Kanda was willing to dignify Allen's interruption with a response this time.

"Yes?" Kanda asked, without turning his head away from the fridge (not like he needed to).

"What are you looking for?" Allen asked. The white haired boy almost felt very stupid for asking, but then he was kind of used to that.

"Milk." Kanda answered, simply. His facial features then suddenly relaxed as he apparently felt the milk carton. Straightening up from his hunched over position in front of the fridge, holding his prize in his left hand, Kanda then went over to a coffee maker sitting on the counter. "I'm making coffee. Do you want some?"

Allen simply couldn't himself from being stunned. Kanda had (basically) invited him into his home and was now actually being hospitable enough to offer him a beverage. This was the man that had snubbed him at every opportunity presented to him. Who had been rarely anything but rude since they met. Yet, here Kanda was, not arguing or fighting with him. Now all that was left was a tray of snacks and it would be just like whenever Allen and his friends would hang out at each other's houses.

Allen felt his shoulders hunch forward as his mood soured at the reminder of his so called friends. He'd been having that reaction a lot lately when reminded about his crowd. No matter what he was doing at the time he thought about them, the reminder would immediately implant a heavy feeling in his stomach that immediately brought him down.

Movement from in front of him brought Allen's attention back to when and where he was with Kanda's head turned towards him. Kanda's eyes had their usual sharp look to them that felt like he was looking straight into Allen's core even as they seemed to stare at something past where he stood. The raven's head was inclined slightly to the side in an inquiring gesture even as his usual scowl and unreasonably irritated aura were in place.

It brought Allen's attention back to the fact that he had been too lost in thought to actually answer Kanda's question. "Coffee?" Kanda hesitated before giving a slight nod in the affirmative. "Alright." Allen said, hesitantly, feeling very awkward in the situation he'd created.

Kanda merely turned back towards the coffee maker and began the process of making the coffee. Allen was still struck silent at the idea that Kanda was deigning to be hospitable. It would have been seen as normal behavior for anyone else, but this was Kanda. For this man, the actions could qualify as amiable or even generous.

Kanda seemed to notice the silence and correctly interpreted the reason for it because he soon spoke again. "I technically didn't even invite you inside, but growing up I was pressed with the importance of at least trying to be a good host to visitors. And we do get a decent amount of those here."

"I see." Allen commented, somewhat impressed. He hadn't thought Kanda had it in him.

Allen tried to watch discreetly as Kanda made the proffered coffee. The blind man's deft fingers mechanically pressed the buttons on the machine as if he knew exactly which buttons he were pressing and where they were located in relevance to the other buttons. Proving his point, Kanda stopped in his button pressing activities to run his hand lightly over the machine, feeling where all the buttons were, before continuing as he was before.

Kanda felt around to the side of the coffee machine until he felt a container sitting behind it that must have held the coffee. After finding it, Kanda dragged it out and pried open the top of the container, revealing a rich, dark brown mixture. _Definitely coffee,_ Allen thought.

After Kanda had started the coffee maker, he led Allen back to the living room and sat on the couch, leaving plenty of room for Allen to slide in next to him. After a second of hesitation, Allen did just that and slid in next to Kanda on the couch. They sat like that for a while, in more of their awkward silence before Kanda finally opened his mouth and said something unexpected.

"Why are you here?"

Floored, Allen slowly turned to look at Kanda while the other man continued to stare at nothing. "Come again?" Allen asked, hesitantly, after he got his voice back. He had to wonder what Kanda meant by that.

"What are you doing here?" Kanda asked, his usual irritation very present, but not particularly impatient in his questioning. "Why are you in this house?"

The way he phrased that made it sound to Allen almost as if he had forced his way in. Said man bristled at the thought, but he carefully kept an even tone as he answered. "I didn't think you would want to be alone in an empty house after what happened."

"How did you know it was empty?" The raven's question was asked in a disinterested manner, but that could easily have been misleading. Allen didn't know how to answer, mostly because he didn't know whether the house was empty or not, so he didn't answer.

The silence hung there a while, less awkward than before, as the two men just thought about the situation. The moment was shattered, though, as a clearly aging man with gray hair threw open the front door and strode into the room.

"Yuu, I'm home! Where are you, my boy?" He called, loudly, before his eyes immediately settled on the spot where Kanda sat. The man opened his mouth wide (probably to yell something else), but stopped once he noticed Allen who gave a hesitant and confused smile back. In an only slightly quieter voice, he asked "Yuu, who is this young man?".

"Someone who walked me home. I . . . he invited himself in." Came Kanda's gruff voice, speaking in a hesitant manner (well, a hesitant manner for Kanda, anyway).

The elder man seemed to come to a realization at that and his face immediately lit up with unsuppressed joy. Striding at a surprising speed over to Allen, he unceremoniously shook the younger man's hand making the white haired boy's adjoining shoulder jerk up and down almost painfully.

"It's nice to meet you, my boy! I am Froi Tiedoll, Yuu's father! What might your name be?" The man, Mr. Tiedoll, said in a warm and overbearingly friendly fashion.

Smiling relieved at this, Allen hurried to answer. "I'm Allen Walker, Kanda's friend. I walked him here; I hope you don't mind that I invited myself into your home." Allen was afraid that he'd find a way to offend this seemingly very nice man, but still gave his best smile as he said this in the hopes that he wouldn't.

"Not at all, my boy! Not at all! I'm so glad that Yuu has a friend!" Tiedoll happily replied.

"He's not my friend!" Kanda's voice could be heard from his seat behind where Tiedoll now stood in front of Allen. "And don't call me that!" The raven added, viciously, but seemingly as an afterthought.

"Don't mind him too much. Yuu always says things like that." Tiedoll said good naturedly. "He rarely ever means it. And thank you for taking my son home, as well. How much would you like for it?"

"How much?" Allen echoed in confusion before the meaning of those words dawned on him. "Oh! Oh, no! I don't want to get paid for it. I was just worried for Kanda for . . . reasons . . . and I really like hanging out with him. I don't need to get paid anything to do it." Allen said, very truthfully, flashing a smile to finish off the statement.

"Is that so?" Tiedoll asked, his eyes flashing behind his spectacles. Allen was immediately thrown off; it was like the man was planning something. "Then would perhaps be interested in being Yuu's aid?"

"What!" Kanda's scandalized voice yelled.

"His aid?" Allen asked again confused, but this time also intrigued.

"Yes." Tiedoll said in a mock pitiful manner, his head hanging slightly. "Sadly, Yuu never takes well to the people I hire to help him in his day to day life. He can never hang onto one for more than a couple weeks at the most and many come to be begging to be let go by the end of their employment with my son." He gave a weary sigh.

"But you said you like being around my son and he must like you a great deal more than the others to invite you into our home all on his own; he's of the very anti social kind. So would you consider it?" The elder man asked, ignoring the raven's passionate protest of how much he didn't want another aid and that he did not in fact like Allen and did not invite him in.

 _My golden opportunity!_ Was Allen's first thought. _This gives me the perfect excuse to spend almost all of my free time with Kanda and the grump can't stop me because I have his father's blessing! Lenalee did, after all, say to be pushy._

"I would like nothing more." Allen announced cheerfully. He, too, ignored Kanda's indignant protests. "I can start tomorrow."

"It's settled, then!" Tiedoll clapped his hands delightedly. "I think you'll make a wonderful helper and friend for Yuu. I'll leave you two boys to get better acquainted!"

And, with that, Tiedoll bounded quickly up the stairs before either boy could stop him and left the room altogether. It was only in that moment did Allen start to feel regret for his rash decisions. Not for multiple reasons; just the one.

He was now left alone in a room with a fuming Kanda. Perhaps this wasn't one of Allen's brighter ideas . . .


	7. Wake Up Call

"Success is dependant on effort" - Unknown **(Allen)**

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." - J. K. Rowling **(Kanda)**

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Unknown **(Both)**

Remember a short while ago when Allen hated the periods of quiet between him and Kanda? The oppressive silences were made even worse by the sheer awkwardness of it all? Something that almost anyone would hate especially if it was between them and someone that they would to impress and hopefully be intimate with? Yeah . . . he suddenly wanted that back. Right now.

As the white haired college student stared numbly at Kanda as the blind man laid siege to the living room, his arms rooted to his sides by shock. It was very fortunate for said student that the Kanda hadn't endeavored to throw anything at him yet because he did not have the reaction time at the moment to avoid such a collision. The raven haired individual was caught up in the process of tearing apart another of the decorative pillows with his katana.

Allen Walker watched in a detached manner akin to one having an out-of-body experience as the innocent and defenseless pillows were attacked by a crazed Japanese blind man with a (sharp, very sharp) weapon. This had to be the strangest of circumstances yet to happen in the still young student's life. Make no mistake, he still wasn't regretting getting interested in Kanda, but he was beginning to seriously question his taste in men.

 _I think I'd better do something._ Allen belatedly thought in a sudden burst of lucidity. It was lucky for the boy that he chose this moment to return to the world as the insane blind man also took this moment to hurl a mug that had been supposed to hold coffee straight at him while yelling obscenities regarding his father. Allen was just aware of his surroundings enough to duck, soon afterward hearing the ceramic mug shatter against the divider wall behind him.

 _Yep, I most definitely need to do something._ Allen decided. Now, the question was what.

"H-Hey . . . K-Kanda?" Being his usual awkward self in a crisis, Allen only managed to stutter out the other man's name in a (very unwise) attempt to gain his attention. Though the statement was thick with question, Allen had made sure to say it quite loudly so Kanda was sure to hear regardless of the state the Japanese man was currently in.

Sure enough, the blind man whipped around so quickly that the words barely had time to finish coming out of Allen's mouth. The man turned as if he had been stung in the back and glared maliciously at Allen. "You!" The man ground out. "This is all your fault!"

 _Great._ Allen lamented. _Now I'm going to be blamed for someone else's proposal by a homicidal samurai wannabe._

Allen unthinkingly let loose a small snicker at the description his mind had just come up with for Kanda. Though it was a rather quiet sound of amusement that could (and should) have been easily overlooked by anyone else, Kanda (who had been practically waiting for Allen to give him a reason to lash out at the only other person in the room) easily caught it. His head snapped up and obsidian eyes narrowed at the boy in what could only be the act of contemplating murder. However, despite the frenzy his thoughts were sure to be in at the moment, the voice that came when he spoke was low, slow and eerily calm sounding (even in the faux calm was so obviously fake).

"What's funny?" The Japanese man asked, lowly.

Feeling a chill of apprehension run up his spine, Allen decided that it would probably be in his best interest to soothe the savage beast before said beast tore him limb from limb. Yes . . . That would probably be best. "No! Nothing! It's just . . ." _A distraction! A distraction!_ "Your father seemed very nice, if a bit eccentric . . ."

The comment worked well, Kanda seemed to draw back into himself slightly and became distracted from his rage. A derisive snort came from the raven at Allen's analysis of the elder. "He's a crazy old man that feels the need to control every aspect of his life."

This comment intrigued Allen. "How does he try to control you?"

Kanda scoffed before immediately rushing to answer the question with a vigor that was abnormal for the raven haired young man. "He badgers me endlessly to tell him where I am and where I'm going to be later. He's constantly questioning my [thoughts, actions, motives] and, as if all of that wasn't enough for the miserable old coot, he has repeatedly tried to saddle me with "caretakers" as if he can't fathom me walking around without a babysitter. As if the thought bothers him too much to let stand.

Caretakers who, by the way, only care about the (copious amounts of) money they get paid to put up with me and most of them can't even pretend otherwise. A few of them have even been brave or stupid enough to tell me as much to my face! Heh . . . morons. And those reasons are only to name a few."

"Your father just does it because cares, no matter what you say or do about the matter. Oh!" Allen made a sound as he thought of something. "I don't mean to drop into your life out of nowhere and just start acting like I know everything about you, about the both of you, but after meeting him I think that that's probably the reason. You live with him and he is your father and perhaps your legal guardian, too? I think he has every reason to think of it as his responsibility."

"Maybe." Kanda said, a look on his face that said he was not entirely convinced. "However, even though I may still live with him, I'm not a kid anymore."

"I think that no matter how far away you live, he'll always see you as his responsibility." Allen said it softly, but still loud enough for Kanda to hear.

The white haired young man raised his gaze which had lowered to the floor at some point during the conversation to be met with Kanda giving him a strange look. It was a mixture of many emotions that Allen was familiar with and with a few added in that he just could not seem to place. Kanda continued to stare at Allen like that without blinking until the college student couldn't stand being still under that gaze any longer and began to shift nervously. Finally, Kanda slowly opened his mouth to respond though the strange calculating look on his visage never once left.

"You may . . . be different." Kanda said at last. The words were said almost reluctantly, but there was no arguing that Kanda didn't mean them.

"What . . . um . . . what does that mean, Kanda?" Allen asked, unsure of himself.

The scowl was instantly back on Kanda's face and he straightened his back. "Nothing." The raven answered with his usual annoyance. With no further ado, the black haired man grabbed Allen by his collar and pulled him back over to the front door deigning to give a concise explanation along the way.

"Come here tomorrow morning at five thirty. That's half an hour after I wake up. I suppose I'll have to give you a runthrough of what it means to be my "babysitter" so be ready for hell."

"So just like any other time I get ready to hang out with you." Allen was able to huff out that one parting shot before he was half pushed and half thrown out the front door. The white haired man was just able to grab onto a section of the wall before he tumbled down the short steps onto the concrete street.

Before Allen could get his bearings and say anything else to Kanda, the other man had quickly slammed the door, the sound of the locking mechanism letting Allen know that there would be no getting inside until the next morning. Mumbling to himself about crazy, homicidal, sexy asian men, Allen retreated in the direction of his home to prepare for whatever "hell" the next day would bring.

The next morning came much too soon for the white haired young man as he awoke to a blaring alarm at 4:30 AM. Even going to college, working and taking into account his sometimes rigorous schedule, Allen Walker had never gotten up so early in his entire life. There were, of course, those rare occasions when he would be woken up by outside influences or maybe just floated into consciousness at such ungodly hours, but he would never stay conscious for very long after that. Often times he would take one look at the time on his phone and crash back against his bed like he weighed ten tons.

Today there would be none of that. As Allen reached out groggily yet viciously for his phone to turn off the evil alarm that dare wake him at this time, he was forced to remember why he had set it in the first place. Today would be his first day working with Kanda albeit as his "babysitter" as the term that the attractive man seemed most apt. It was, however, an opening into the other man's (increasingly lonely seeming) life and Allen (opportunistic and overachieving person that he is) would not waste it. He refused.

Groaning in what any random passerby could easily take as the sound of a man dying, Allen summoned up all of his willpower and heaved himself up into a sitting position on his bed. Before he could wimp out and be beckoned back to the realm of sleep, he extricated himself from the warm and comfy material and plodded into the bathroom to freshen up and shower.

He did this along with various other parts of his routine every morning without fail. After all, he always liked to make a good impression and look the best he could when going out even though he could let his appearance "go" drastically when in the privacy of his own home. The fact that he was going to spend this day with his love interest only made his appearance today more important.

He did not, however, want to allot too much time to the wake up and forget about the journey. Allen knew he got lost easily, loathe as he was to admit it, and his rather large preplanning side felt the desire to allot as much time as possible for that particular ordeal. Finishing his morning routine as quickly as possible, Allen grabbed his wallet and rushed from the house. He tried to ignore the rising feeling of anticipation he felt as he rushed towards where he knew Kanda was.


	8. The Scars of Betrayal

**A Quick answer to a question I got in the comments section: As far as I can tell, Kanda is the sub in the relationship. He wants/needs someone loving and respectful to take care of him rather than overbearing people only in it for money. Note, this is based on his personality and his interactions with people in the past. He doesn't need his hand held, but he desperately wants someone to be** _**there**_ **for him, he just doesn't know it.**

" _ **Something I learned about people. . . If they do it once, they'll do it again." - Unknown**_

" _ **A single lie discovered is enough to create doubt in every truth expressed." - Unknown**_

" _ **I don't trust easily so when I tell you 'I trust you' . . . Don't make me regret it." - Unknown**_

* * *

 **(Kanda)**

Kanda did not have any idea what he was doing; he really didn't. He had invited someone who was almost a complete stranger to him into his home and, on top of that, he'd also basically given said almost stranger permission to shadow him and butt into his life. And all of that is true because although if anyone asked he'd insist that Allen Walker had either invited himself in or forced himself in, he knew in his head that he had invited the man in even if he hadn't put it into words at the time.

Did he have some kind of internal brain hemorrhage yesterday? What was he thinking? Alright. Kanda could (barely) admit that the guy (annoyance) had been proving thus far that he was not [as] bad as his initial analysis had led Kanda to believe. He still didn't like the guy, but he no longer felt the mental urge to hurl at the thought or sight of one Allen Walker.

The fact that he no longer felt (metaphorically) sick around the man did not meant that he let said man into his home and it most certainly did not justify reckless behavior. That's all it was as far as Kanda was concerned; reckless behavior.

The raven didn't like to admit that he was a more-than-slightly paranoid man and disliked even more attributing any of that paranoia to his blindness. It was, of course, a problem that had caused many an issue for Kanda as far as his relations with other people went.

True, Kanda had never been particularly kind to people nor had he ever been very outgoing, but he had not always hated people with such a passion. He hadn't avoided people like the plague, either, but he had been forced to see early on that people who got the opportunity to hurt others usually did.

His father did not quite see that yet and, at his age, Kanda heavily doubted that he ever would and while that may be fine for him, it caused no end of problems for Kanda. Most notably, the problems occurred when it came time again to hire an assistant for Kanda. They were all disappointments even after Kanda learned to expect the worst of them so that is really saying something. All disappointments, but in different ways.

The first ones usually followed a formula of pretending to be nice or keeping their controlling natures as subtle as possible. Being either subtle or secretive is how they got their real motives past Kanda for as long as they did before he wised up.

Kanda still remembered Road, his first real helper, at the age of eight. His father hadn't worked much at that time or even before then since Kanda was born and usually preferred to take care of Kanda 24/7.

However, for seemingly no reason (which Kanda was beginning to think was the driving force behind a lot of the decisions the old man made), his father had decided that he should go back to work. Even back then, he was a well- established and respected artist. His paintings and still lifes were much sought after and applicants literally fought to hire him.

This mentality surrounding his father's art only became more intense when he put his career on hold for his newborn son. He would certainly have no shortage of money or work once his return to the art world became public.

To make sure his "disabled" son was taken care of, he hired a young but cheerful and qualified girl named Road Kamelot. The old man must have desperately wanted to believe that her own happy and overall bubbly personality would be a good influence on Kanda because, after her initial interview, he basically hired her on the spot.

Admittedly, Kanda did have to say that she was rather charismatic (although that may not be the right word) and likable, so the old man was not solely to blame for falling for her ruse.

The memories of his younger years were more than a little bit fuzzy for Kanda, but he could remember liking Road when he had first met her. Since she was nineteen and he was eight at the time, she was far closer to his age and his range of maturity than, say, a thirty or over forty year old applicant might have been.

Little Kanda had seen it as such a relief that his father had not hired some incredibly old geezer to entertain and watch over him. Though he slightly wondered if someone as young as herself would be able to do her job properly, it was much less of an issue in his mind as he was certain he was capable enough at taking care of himself to pick up any of her slack.

Anyways, things were pretty good with Road for a while. His father worked almost all day every day and he seemed rather pleased with it. As independent as Kanda was, he still grudgingly missed the man many times. Luckily, his father would always preempt that.

As soon as his father would get home, regardless of however tired he might have been, he would spend the next several hours spending time with his son. The two of them would play games or whatever else they would do, his father insisted, and then his father would would go upstairs to his room and take a nap.

Half of the time, his father would continue to nap past Kanda's dinner time and Road would cook him dinner and, the other half, his father would wake up after a few hours and cook and eat with Kanda. Then Kanda would bathe and get ready for bed and his father would tuck him into bed and sometimes read him to had been going pretty well with Road for a while. Then, a few months into her employment, Road came to Kanda with a suggestion.

Road said that she thought that Kanda should listen to music to relax. The idea was to blindfold him, to completely immerse in the music, and then he would put on some earphones and listen to some relaxing tune of her choosing.

The result was supposed to wind up being therapeutic by being relaxing. She even hinted that, since it released stress, it may even help him with his "condition" although she said that only might help and, if it did, only slightly. Still, Kanda was pleased to think that the therapy might not only help relieve stress but also relieve some of his burden.

Road's only stipulation was that he not tell his father. Kanda wasn't so comfortable with the idea of doing anything strange especially if it utilized a blindfold, but (looking back on it) she had a coy way of sweeping all his apprehension under the rug like none of them really mattered. She did the same thing with his wariness regarding not telling his father about what Road wanted to do.

She utilized simply but hard to argue with arguments like that it wasn't really anything important and worth telling his father and that they "wouldn't want to get his hopes up" by mentioning that it could help with Kanda's blindness.

Any wariness Kanda had that Road wasn't able to decimate had been pushed aside by one other thing. His father had always urged Kanda to trust the people in his life and so he had always tried to do that.

He still wasn't supposed to talk to, trust or take anything from strangers, but Road wasn't a stranger, she was someone his _father_ had hired to take care of him and he had gotten to know and grow close to the young woman over the few months he'd known her. So, in the end, Kanda had agreed to trying out Road's suggestion. Although, noting Road's expression/reaction, it seem to him as if she had known all along that his agreement was a foregone conclusion.

So Road had Kanda lay down on his bed wearing the blindfold and earphones and listening to the chosen music for a few hours. Kanda, even after all those years, still remembered the music all too well. It really was relaxing and Kanda quickly learned to meditate with it.

If he had to describe the sound of the music it would be kind of hard, but he could say it sounded earthy and there was the constant, light sound of a flute in the background. Another two months passed on like that with Kanda doing his therapy once a week, which he was really starting to enjoy.

One day, his Tiedoll came home from work early to surprise Kanda. What he found, however, was Road in the living room with a bunch of her friends having a loud, aggressive drinking party with no Kanda in sight. The quickly angering man had just enough time to hear Road saying something to her friends about how easy it was to trick little Kanda. She also managed to call the little boy a "stupid brat" and some other nasty things before Tiedoll flew into an all out rage. Road and her friends quickly found themselves and their things thrown straight out of the house by a furiously yelling man they didn't know, but had Road paling considerably. The next day, Road heard from his lawyer.

Tiedoll found Kanda where Road had left him, in his room on his bed; blindfolded and listening to calming music. His father hadn't been sure whether to tell him or not, but he knew Kanda needed to know that Road had done something wrong because he would have to fire the girl and, after finding that out, Kanda would naturally ask why.

Even if he told his son that she simply had done something to warrant the firing, his son would only feel the need to ask more questions and demand the answers. So, with much trepidation, he briefly went over what he had found downstairs and some of the things Road had said (wisely choosing to leave quite a few things out).

Understandably, Kanda would be upset. The emotion, however, went far past that and left little Kanda feeling almost broken. Hearing what went on that night, what had been going on all those nights for the last month made Kanda feel exceedingly angry, hurt and betrayed.

He had really grown to like and respect Road and had accepted her into his life with (almost) open arms. He trusted her. When she talked to him, Kanda thought that she had actually wanted to help him.

But no, all she saw was a child that she could take advantage of and she did so quite splendidly. If his father hadn't come home early that day, he would have continued believing Road's lies while she was drinking with her friends in his house and bad mouthing him when she was supposed to be taking care of him.

Needless to say, Kanda did not take it well. Tiedoll was finally able to soothe him and promised the reluctantly calming boy that the next one he hired would be better. He wasn't, though. "The Next One", Tyki, didn't even last a full 24 hours on the job before he was fired. About an hour after Tiedoll left them alone together, Tyki got up announcing that they were going somewhere and told Kanda to get his coat.

That somewhere turned out to be a nightclub and they both spent several hours simply camped out at the bar. The man, Kanda idly noticed, seemed torn between either nursing his drinks or kicking them back and alternated between the two. He also sometimes made complaints under his breath about all manners of things from life to the drinks to the club and even Kanda himself.

Tyki was also a charismatic individual and handsome (about the only positive things you could say about the guy along with the fact that he did actually stay by Kanda's side the whole night) if the number of women that approached them throughout the night was any indication.

Kanda really wasn't surprised by how many women came up to the duo and flirted with his "helper" nor was it a surprise that his "helper" flirted back. He was, however, enough surprised that Tyki stuck to only displaying a polite interest in the women and never took things further even when they invited him to.

Tyki had quite a few drinks under his belt by the time they finally left. This time, though, Kanda had learned his lesson from the last time. As soon as his father got home that night, Kanda spilled everything that had happened.

When confronted about it, Tyki actually used the fact that Kanda was blind to argue that there was no way that Kanda would be able to know whether he was in a club or in his living room.

Hearing this argument simply stunned Kanda. Was Tyki just dumb or was he just so confident that he thought he could get away with anything even using that dumbass argument? Naturally, Tyki was out of a job before the night was over.

After those two horrid experiences, Kanda didn't even bother to learn the names of the people his father hired. He wouldn't lie and say his attitude didn't drive away anyone his father hired afterwards, but that didn't make them any better.

From the people who talked to him like he was a baby needing to be taken care of to the ones who weren't even passionate about their job, they were just all nails in the coffin that was Kanda's trust and it wasn't just his hired assistants, either. Kanda still showed the mental scars he had from the last time he had gone shopping with cash which he had done often at the time.

He had paid $20 for a roughly $10 item and, unbeknownst to Kanda, the cashier gave him the correct change in coins (even if they hadn't, Kanda would have known since American coins are different sizes, thicknesses and some are different materials therefore easy to tell between), but gave him a $1 bill, passing it off as a $10 bill.

The only reason Kanda found out about it was because another customer in the shop had been watching the transaction, noticing the slight, and stopped Kanda just before he left the store. The cashier immediately tried to cover their own ass (becoming a panicking and stuttering mess, to Kanda's ears), starting to make excuses and call the other customer a liar, but the stranger was persistent and the angrier he got, the angrier Kanda got, as well.

Finally, they were able to gain the attention of the store manager who, after looking at the total of Kanda's receipt $1 bill in the blind man's hand, was able to confirm what the customer had said.

The manager refunded the entire $20 and offered a fervent apology, but the damage was done for Kanda. The worst part was, he didn't know how many times that same thing had happened before and he had been stolen from and he didn't even know. He only shopped with plastic cards after that incident.

After all Kanda had been through, why did he suddenly allow someone to take charge of his life again? Did he really think Walker would be different? Why would he be different? Sure, he was the only one (mostly) that was showing a romantic interest in him, but that could make it a whole lot worse.

Not only would it mean that he would have to put up with any of the guy's leering all day, but it would add layers onto the ways that he wants to use Kanda. Because that's what all people wanted to do, right? Use him.

Kanda sighed as he relaxed into his bed and pulled the earphones over his head. Whatever he may think now, the damage was done and there was nothing he could do now to change anything. He could, of course, turn the man away at the door when he came the next morning, but Kanda knew on some level that he had made his decision to hire Walker for a reason. He hadn't the faintest idea of what that reason might be, but something drove him to do it.

No, he would wait and see how things turned out and note how Walker did on his first day on the job. Calming, woodsy music filtered through the speakers as Kanda began to meditate.


	9. Rough Morning

**(Allen)**

In the end, Allen was glad he had left plenty of time for him to fin Kanda's home again. Because despite having been there before and despite having walked there himself and despite having started the walk there from a familiar location like the park he often passed near work; Allen Walker had gotten lost. No big surprise there. It wasn't even surprising how inhumanly long it took the white haired young man to find his way there.

It quite literally took all his time to get back to the familiar doorway that opened to Kanda's home; to the point where he had arrived one minute before Kanda had told him to be there. Not even waiting a second to catch his breath, Allen flew up the steps (only mildly slipping clumsily on them as he did so) to the front door and knocked on it, hoping that Kanda was awake.

Moreover, he was hoping against hope that Kanda would be in a decent mood. At the very least, Allen figured, the fact that he was perfectly on time should make a clean spot on his record. That is, unless Kanda had wanted him to come early at least a few minutes (in which case, he was screwed, so completely screwed).

Not being allowed much time to brood over all the possible ways his attempts at doing things right could go horribly wrong (in keeping with his life filled with personal bad luck), the door was promptly opened. Later in the day, when Allen had time to think and was far more calm, the student would liken the quickness with which the door was thrown open to that of someone who a heated internal debate over whether or not Kanda had cared enough (what the driving emotion had been awaiting their guest from right behind the door. What would follow that thought would be behind that supposed "caring" was not withstanding) to wait attentively by the door in such a way.

"You're late." Kanda said gruffly, his mood visibly darkening upon looking at the other man.

"Actually, Kanda, I'm on time." Allen argued gently.

"If you're on time then you're already late." Kanda stated simply. Turning on his heel, the raven haired individual walked back into his home leaving Allen standing there. The door was left hanging open presumably in invitation so Allen slipped in after him and quietly closed the door behind him.

He immediately saw that Kanda had already transversed the living room and was now standing with his head bowed muttering to himself. He was really starting to want to know what the other man was thinking . . . and Allen thought he heard something about perverts. Allen simply refused to question it. Clearing his throat lightly to get Kanda's attention, the white haired young man waited until Kanda gave him his attention.

"So. . . what shall I do for you today, Kanda?" The man asked, steeling himself for what was to come.

It seemed to take the Japanese man a long moment to come back to himself before he scowled and took off towards the stairs at a fast pace. His usual, easily annoyed self, Kanda seemed upset by Allen's presence and, in retaliation of some sort, refused to look back at him. Allen wondered, as he followed the other man, if said man was simply just assured that Allen would follow him or if he seriously didn't care if Allen was even with him or not.

Kanda stomped up the stairs in what was somehow still a graceful move. Allen followed him up with much quieter and softer steps and soon found himself standing in the blind man's room. The area was sparse with a TV and few other electronic devices sorted meticulously into a media center.

Besides that, the bed and the small bedside table, there was really no other furniture in there. It was a navy blue room with white furnishings with nothing decorating the walls and tables. Allen figured that it would be irrelevant to have more than simple decor in your room if you are blind, but it was sort of unsettling to walk into. As if the room wasn't actually lived in or something.

Kanda never paused in his movements, walking into the bedroom and heading straight to the closet like a man on a mission. He weaved past the table and around the bed, knowing with an impressive certainty the exact spots where things were.

 _He could probably draw me a map of this entire room._ Allen thought, impressed.

Against the far wall on the other side of the room, was a double closet. Trailing Kanda over to it, the young man watched with interest as he slid the closet door open, revealing what was inside. Allen felt his eyes go wide as he took in the wide array of clothing blanketing the inside of the wardrobe.

 _You see this family's living room and you know they have money, but you would never know that just looking at his room._ The college student contemplated. _Then you see his closet and you realize where all the money for his room went._

You really could, too. Kanda seemed to own more clothing than definetly was normal of someone his age (and gender). _He is the owner of a motherlode of shirts, jackets, jeans and even shoes! Is that silk?_

Kanda's unexpected intonation broke into Allen's thoughts. "This is your first job." Kanda said, gruffly, not looking towards him.

"What is?" Allen asked, his voice conveying his confusion. "Organizing your closet? It looks pretty organized to me."

"No." Kanda said, clearly annoyed. "I didn't bring you over here organize and clean up after me like a maid. I can do that." [Cue Allen trying to keep sudden perverted thoughts at bay.]

"You're overall job is basically going to be following me around all day and assisting me with everyday tasks. It makes life easier for me and harder for you." Saying that, Kanda gave a nasty sneer even as he was still annoyed at his company. "I'll hold up an article of clothing and you describe it to me so that I know what I'm wearing."

"Eh?" The sound of surprise came from Allen's lips. He was surprised by two things. For one, he hadn't expected his job to be something so mundane and not-excruciating and also . . .

"What do you usually do when you don't have an assistant? Do you get your-" He decided at the last moment that, given the apparent relationship between the two, it would not be a good idea to bring up his father to Kanda. "D-Do you just wear whatever?"

If Kanda noticed, he didn't say anything about it. "Of course not." Kanda scoffed, derisively. "I have a system." Kanda turned to the closet and twitched his fingers behind his back gesturing for Allen to come closer. Doing as Kanda's fingers demanded, the college student took a few unsure steps towards the closet. Kanda grabbed one of the nearest shirts and pulled it off its hanger, holding it so that Allen could see it. The blind man's pale, slender fingers lightly grasped one of the buttons and then the next one.

Finally, he opened his mouth and said, "Now, I know this is a blue plaid shirt because the first button is circular, but the next button is a square." He was right, of course, Allen noted. "All of my clothes have something about them that's different so that I can tell what it is just by feeling. Jeans and shorts are different lengths and made with different material, the same goes for shirts and their sleeves. As for the colors of the shirts, if I have two similar shirts of different colors, I can tell the difference because of their button's. Father or I resew the buttons so they are unique and I can use them to differentiate which shirt I'm holding. I know the color and design of this short because of my system. It has all square buttons. That's how I knew."

"But wouldn't you run out of different shape buttons after just a few shirts?" Allen questioned, trying not to become exasperated when his question was met with a look that showed Kanda thought he was an idiot.

"That's when we got creative. We can sew one square button on the collar of one shirt, making the rest circular, and then do the exact same thing for another shirt except we sew the square button onto a spot below the collar. I'll be able to tell the difference by feeling the placement of the buttons like a code and, therefore, tell the difference between the shirts."

Allen wasn't sure whether which emotion he should display at that moment; awe, confusion or disbelief. This was not what he expected when he thought about how Kanda functioned on his own. Allen would be the first to admit that he knew next to nothing about what daily life was link for the blind or disabled, but he was really caught off guard by this one. He thought that the only real option for a blind person was to get help with what they were wearing, but Kanda crushed that idea under his boot with his explanation of his daily routine.

"Are you going to be staring like that for long?" Kanda asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"No! No, I'm not!" Allen cried in embarrassment.

"Then get a move on." The irritation in the asian man's voice was palpable.

"But what am I supposed to do?" Allen asked, feeling a little lost.

Again, Kanda shot Allen a look that implied he thought he was stupid. "Because doing things like this require extra effort; much more than just asking you what the clothes look like. I told you that you were here to make my everyday life easier so start making it easier." After saying this, Kanda plucked another shirt out of his closet and thrust it into Allen's chest roughly.

Allen stood there for a moment, eyes wide, before taking the hint and describing the color and design of the shirt. Things continued that way for another five minutes with Kanda nearly throwing articles of clothing at Allen and Allen describing what they looked like. At the end of it all, Kanda ended up in a dark green shirt with no pattern on it and black slacks; on his feet were a pair of big, black boots. Kanda led the way back out of his room and down the staircase.

"Kaaaannndaaa . . ." Allen drug out the other man's name in a sing-song voice; he was feeling playful now. "What are we doing now?"

"Making breakfast." Kanda answered in a near growl. Allen offhandedly mused that Kanda must have been getting used to his presence if he wasn't even lashing out of him for speaking or annoying him anymore. He did seem to be reigning in his temper rather well. The two men walked to the kitchen where Allen hung back a few feet and watched Kanda sweep around the room, getting the supplies needed to make the meal.

"Know how to make scrambled eggs?" Kanda called, too busy to put his usual bite into it.

"Yep!" Allen called back, cheerfully. He was happy at the prospect of being given a task. It would be a chance to please the Japanese man and maybe even curb his temper . . . if he was lucky.

"We'll see about that." Kanda snarked. "Get started while I make some toast."

"Are you sure you don't want me to do it?" Allen asked, quickly, stepping into the room. "I mean, are you sure you-"

"What?" Kanda snapped, whipping around to face him. "Am I sure I can accomplish it? Making toast?"

Allen flinched as if he had been punched. When Kanda said it like that, it sounded so insulting. And stupid. He really hadn't meant it like that. "I-" Allen tried to answer, but Kanda, in his apparent rage, cut him off.

In just two steps the raven haired man was standing right in front of him, only an inch or so between them. A second later saw said man grabbing onto the front of Walker's shirt with a death grip. Wrenching the shorter man up even closer to him, Kanda spoke in an unexpectedly low voice.

"Don't you dare pity me. I am not 'unfortunate' and I do not need you doing everything for me in order to survive. I am not _helpless_." The man spoke in a low and slow manner, but he was not, in any way, calm. His tone had a dangerous edge to it. If the situation hadn't been so serious, Allen Walker probably would have greatly appreciated being pulled so close to Kanda (especially his face).

But it was serious and the emotion in the room was palpable. Allen was swamped in his guilt for making such an insensitive and insulting comment especially because Kanda had been right in his assertions on what Allen had been thinking when he made them. These feelings were heightened as he could actually feel Kanda's distress leaking out into the atmosphere.

"I'm sorry." Allen apologized, trying to keep his voice calm. He softened his eyes and forced them to gaze into Kanda's hard black-blue eyes even though he knew that Kanda wouldn't see it. He wanted desperately for Kanda to know he meant it. The young man made sure that his voice was as soft as his eyes. "I didn't mean to insult you, Kanda."

The seconds ticked by as the two men continued to stare into each other's eyes, Kanda evaluating Allen's words and Allen hoping the blind man could feel the sincerity in his emotions.

The young man tried to ignore the unnerving little jolts of energy he was certain he was imagining he was feeling. What the young man did know was that this strange energy was triggered by looking into Kanda's azure eyes.

Somehow, even knowing intellectually that it wasn't possible, Allen still felt certain that Kanda really could see him. This eerie feeling was in no way helped by the fact that Kanda managed to look him right in the eye, as well. How was he able to do that if he couldn't see?

After what felt to Allen like a lifetime, he felt the harsh grip on the front of his shirt gradually loosen before dropping away, entirely. Without a word about what had happened, Kanda turned his back to him and started the process of making toast. Reeling, Allen stood several feet behind Kanda, staring at the man's back. If said man felt his gaze, he refused to show it and simply worked on.

 _Does this mean I'm forgiven?_ Allen wondered. _Does Kanda ever forgive anyone?_ Silence answered his unasked question. Allen sighed, resigning himself to being vaguely but not quite forgiven by his potential love.

Tearing his gaze away from the blind man's back, Allen noticed a carton of eggs sitting at the end of the counter a bit away from where Kanda stood.

 _He must have taken that out when I was lost in thought; it wasn't there earlier . . . That is actually happening a lot lately._ Allen reflected, taking in the distance between the eggs and the area of the counter that Kanda was currently occupying. _And I think he left them so far away from himself because he didn't want me to come near him._

So, thinking that perhaps he could make it up to Kanda and increase the raven haired man's mood, he just quietly began making the eggs like he was asked to. Especially if he could make them perfectly, Allen decided. He _did_ all of the cooking in his dorm whenever he wasn't eating canned, frozen or fast food. (When fast food is concerned, it may be all three.)

The young man went carefull to the carton and grabbed it, quickly darting a glance at Kanda who did not give any indication that he was paying him any attention. Somewhat relieved about that, Allen made his way to the stove with the eggs and began to scramble them. The two worked quietly in the kitchen, each completing their own task.

Somewhere in the time it took to make the meal, the tension in the room had dissipated and a comfortable silence took its place. The sound of sizzling and the smell of cooking eggs pervaded the air, infiltrating the college student's being and almost forcibly relaxing him. The white haired boy felt the remaining tension in his body ebb away and his shoulders relax with the familiar movement of cooking.

The smell of cooking bread, very faint compared to the smell of the eggs, was also around and he heard Kanda breathe in deeply. He likely found the smells as appetizing as Allen did. Sooner than the young man would liked, the toast popped up and the scrambled eggs were properly cooked. Both men moved their food onto plates and placed them onto the dining table.

Just before Allen set his plate on the table, he thought of something and put the plate down harder than he initially would have so that it made a loud banging sound and Kanda would hear where it was placed. Kanda didn't say anything about it so Allen either did the right thing or the man was giving him the cold shoulder.

Slowly, as if Kanda was going to be set off by the smallest movement, Allen pulled out a chair and sat down. _Well, I fucked up royally. Now it's time to fix things._


	10. Emotion

**This chapter turned into more filler than I had intended, but it also works as a bit for some of that slice of life stuff you sometimes see. Just roll with it, that's my motto.**

* * *

" _ **A person's actions will tell you everything you need to know."- Allen**_

" _ **Time has a way of showing us what is really important." - Kanda**_

" _ **You develop a bond that comes from spending too much time together." - Both**_

 **(Allen)**

As Allen sat in his seat, watching Kanda eating, a new question came to mind. Was he allowed to have some, too? One might assume so when considering that he was the one that made the eggs and his labor therefore entitled him to something. But knowing Kanda, the blind man would easily deny him that perceived if said man felt like it.

The young college student did shove something edible into his mouth before he left home, he was sure, although he couldn't remember for the life of him what it was because his mind was somewhere else completely at the time. That didn't mean he wasn't hungry now.

Unlike most people (who are calm, rational human beings), Kanda had a high chance of truly flipping out on him should he make the wrong decision. But Allen was really hungry especially with the smell of the food being such a good lure.

"Kanda?" Allen started out somewhat reluctantly. When he received no answer, he tried again more firmly. "Kanda." Still, he received no answer. However, his grip on the fork he had been using to pick up some scrambled eggs visibly tightened, a testament to the blind man's growing irritation.

Allen Walker reluctantly felt irritation well up inside of him. He knew, even with his limited dealings with Yu Kanda and his limited knowledge of the man, that it was useless getting frustrated in his presence. It was easy, sure, but not practical. Still, he couldn't help but want to blow up at the other man for how childish he was being.

Just because he had been offended by what Allen had (admittedly insultingly) said, it did not give him the right to just ignore everything Allen said afterwards. Well. He would not allow the man to snub his attempts at rectifying the situation. He was going to talk it out with Kanda even if he had to rip a conversation out of him.

 **(Kanda)**

 _This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea._ Kanda basically chanted in his head.

The thought had crossed his mind plenty of times since the other day that he had no idea what he had been doing inviting this guy into his home.

 _He hits on me, then he follows me home and, to top it all off, he starts treating me like an invalid when he hasn't even been here for an hour yet! I was wrong; he isn't any better than the others, although less stupid, but more socially inept._

"Kanda?"

 _God. He's talking again. Hasn't he done enough? Will he just leave after breakfast or do I need to hammer it in more that he is no longer wanted here?_

"Kanda." _Just ignore it and maybe he'll stop. Oh, really, who am I kidding?_

"Kanda!" At this, Kanda jerked in surprise, but not because of the sudden almost yelling of his name. It was because of the hand that, at the same time, found it's way on top of his own which he just now realized was gripping his utensil unnecessarily strongly.

Not liking being touched, Kanda reflexively tried to shake off the other man's hand from his own, but the guy seemed to have other ideas. Allen Walker was holding onto his hand (which was still holding onto the fork albeit more loosely) with an almost suffocating grip that the raven had a hard time associating with the seemingly easy going and often thickheaded man Kanda had thought he was.

"Let go." KIanda gruffed out, no longer caring about his unofficial vow of silence. All he wanted in the moment was for Walker to get his stupid hand off of him. It wasn't like he was ignoring the guy in particular, anyway. He just wanted to be left alone so it wouldn't hurt anymore. The young man immediately steered away from those thoughts; they had never helped him before.

"Kanda, we are going to talk about this. You're being childish." The voice that Yu Kanda had learned to associate with Allen Walker was stern and reprimanding, but it could easily be seen that those two emotions were trying to mask an inordinate amount of resolve. Kanda ignored the last one.

 _I'm being childish?! I'm being childish?! Who does this jerk think he is?!_ "You were the one that opened your idiotic mouth and spewed forth such an insultingly ignorant concept!"

"And I apologized for that! I thought we were over this . . ."

"We did not get over anything because that you can't do this job." Kanda snarked back.

"Hey! I'm trying!" Allen cried, feeling like he was starting to lose control of his emotions; Kanda really had a way of doing that to him.

"That doesn't change the fact that you don't know anything about what I have to go through!" Kanda cried back just as loudly.

"…." Suddenly, as if put in a trance, a wave of calm washed over him after he heard that. The next words to come out of Allen's mouth were quiet and calm.

"Then why don't you teach me?"

The words hung in the air for a while, the two men letting their implications fully sink in. Allen felt himself grow nervous as the silence stretched, knowing that his statement could elicit either a favorable or an unfavorable reaction. To pass the time (and also in a bid to keep control of his anxieties), Allen turned his attention to something that was quickly becoming a favorite pastime of his; analyzing Kanda.

To the casual observer, the asian man would seem to be feeling rather neutral because of the current blank look upon his features, but he was not a casual observer. Damn, that sounded creepy, now that he thought about it. Still, ignoring that, Allen could tell that the other man was thinking hard on his words.

"Fine." Kanda answered out of nowhere. It was hard to detect because Kanda seemed seemed to naturally sound pissed off all the time, but the man seemed to give his answer without the usual bite in his tone.

"We're going to the store after we finish eating." Kanda then said as if making an effort to ignore their previous arguments (to which Allen was immensely grateful).

"The store?" Allen inquired, confusedly. "But didn't I see you go shopping twice already in the last couple of days?"

"You did." Kanda answered, easily. The annoyance in the man's voice was still there, but he now seemed to be putting an effort into putting a lid on it. "My father," Here, he paused at father, his voice trailing off before picking up again. "Has been pushing me into going out more often and that really means to the store. He's even got me doing the family shopping so we need to go to the grocery store."

"Oh." Was all Alen replied, suddenly, awkwardly finding his mind unable to find anything else to day. "Um . . . which one?"

 _Great, Walker. Great._ Allen mentally reprimanded himself. _Way to make things even more awkward._

Unexpectedly (or, perhaps, semi-expectedly because of his recent efforts to behave), Kanda ignored the obvious opening to heckle Allen about his interpersonal follies. Instead, he simply replied to the question.

"It doesn't matter which. Wherever we go will have the same items."

"But different prices." Allen added, but abruptly shut up with the _do you really think I need to worry about high prices_ look. The white haired young man couldn't quite decide if he'd actually asked a stupid question or if it was just the effect Kanda had on him acting up again.

"Well?" Kanda asked, impatiently, after a moment.

"Well, what?" Allen inquired.

"Are you going to eat? You better stuff something in your mouth before we go; I'm not going to stomach listening to you complain that you're hungry because you didn't take the chance to eat anything when you had the chance."

If Allen Walker had been able to focus on Kanda's barbs about his eating (or lack thereof), then he probably would have been irritated and indignant over it. As it were, he was much more shocked by the fact that the raven had actually offered him food. For normal people, making sure other people are eating would be a definite sign of caring and, while that was clearly not the case with Kanda, Allen liked to think that his love interest was starting to show concern for him.

Though Allen Walker was shocked by this latest show of almost altruism, he decided that he didn't need to be told twice and soon snapped out of his stupor, going straight for the plates of food. Taking a page out of Kanda's apparent book on how to eat, he spooned up some fluffy, yellow scrambled eggs. With his other hand, Allen picked up a slice of crispy toast and then began to layer the eggs on top of it. The college student absently thought that he had never tried to eat scrambled eggs and toast this way before taking a large bite.

The unlikely duo left the house a little before nine a.m. Kanda had told him that he was always in a foul mood when having to leave the house and especially when going shopping. Grateful for the rare warning, Allen worked to keep the overall atmosphere between them light. During the walk, he also decided to study the list Kanda had passed him of grocery items given to him that morning by his father before he went off to work.

This time, there was no conversation in the slightest on the way to the store. Allen Walker got the feeling that Kanda wanted it that way (although, curiously, the aforementioned person hadn't said or done anything to insinuate such). Though there was no talking on the way, the walk to the grocery store was surprisingly short. That was probably because it was so close to Kanda and his father's place of residence.

"We're here, Kanda." Allen remarked, carefully, as they drew closer to the glass doors of the supermarket. Kanda made a small nod of acknowledgment and said nothing else.

Allen, again, wasn't sure if that was an indication that he had made the right move or if Kanda was just continuing to make more of an effort in reigning in his temper. Additionally, before he also seemed to have impossibly high expectations on how someone should conduct themselves before he would blow up (and dammit if Allen didn't feel disappointed in himself for not meeting each and every one of those expectations).

Not certain which one it was, the silver haired young man could only hope for the best as he cautiously, yet respectfully, slipped his hand into his companion's with the intention to guide said companion safely (and helpfully) through the doorway. This time he received the smallest of squeezes to his hand, which was far more reassuring than the head nod. Allen got a warm feeling in his chest, helping him to decide with far more certainty that he was doing the right thing.

Together, they entered the store, zeroing in on where they could get the items they needed. Allen in particular was doing this, knowing full well that Kanda could in no way be pleased with being there. He could actually empathize with his love interest to the point where he could actually feel his irritation rising as if in tandem with his companion's.

A cursory glance told Allen that the first item on the list Kanda showed him would be in the dairy isle. The guiding hand within Kanda's migrated to the man's elbow and, with familiarity that came with more time spent together, quickly led the man to the dairy section. A sneer took over Kanda's face when Allen told him exactly what they were looking for.

A sardonic smile tipped the corners of Allen's lips. _Ah, I will never be able to forget the all-out tantrum that this will become._ The silver haired young man thought, amusedly.

Apparently, it would seem the ever stoic and reserved Kanda hated (actually completely abhorred) dairy and dairy products that weren't butter. That especially went for milk and cheese. It would seem that the man had been caught off guard when Allen informed him that there was dairy on the list and that they were in the dairy section.

An all-out adult tantrum occurred.

Kanda commenced yelling expletives regarding his "lying, deceiving father" and trying to grab lactose containing products off of the shelves in order to throw them. Only his reflexes allowed Allen to grab onto the man's wrists before he could do any collateral damage. However, he should have known by the man's appearance that he worked out because the blind man was starting to easily overpower him. It was all Allen could do to keep Kanda from completely overtaking him and grabbing something while he tried to verbally calm the man.

"Kanda! Wait!" Allen wheezed out with his exertion. "Anything you break, we have to pay for!"

"I don't care!" He gruffed out. "Bastard deserves to pay for it!"

"Kanda!"

"Didn't even tell me he expected me to touch these disgusting things . . ." Kanda mumbled to himself.

"Wait!" Allen had a eureka moment. "If touching is the problem then I'll look for and grab these items. You can get something else like . . . the crackers! Why don't you go get those while I'm here?" The college student reasoned, hoping that this solution would ease Kanda's distress.

Kanda slowly stilled his wildly thrashing limbs before finally calming the rest of himself. "Fine." His usual quiet yet decisive voice spoke.

Allen, unused to and not suspecting the sudden change in mood nor the acquiescence and was slow on the draw when releasing the other man's wrists. Of course, there was also the little voice in the back of his head that randomly decided to speak out saying that he liked maintaining whatever physical contact he could get with Kanda and that that might have played a role in his reluctance to let go. However, that voice was readily silenced by Allen's more conscious mind which said that this wasn't the time for fantasizing.

Without another word about the issue, Kanda turned on his heel and left the isle to find someone working in the store who could take him to where the crackers were. Allen just stood there staring at the area where Kanda had previously been standing, pondering on what he had done to find himself saddled with someone who was so clearly bipolar and slightly crazy. He also thought about the fact that he was enjoying it far too much.

 _And it's just cheese._ Allen thought to himself, confused and exasperated (whether more with himself or Kanda, he wasn't sure). Though, when Allen saw what kind of cheese Kanda's father wanted, his much hated blue cheese, the college student began to think that Kanda hadn't had that much of an overreaction, after all. Allen grabbed the cheese and some milk and put them in a cart.

It was just as he was contemplating whether he should go looking for Kanda and reunite in the crackers or continue getting the items on the list when something happened. A burst of emotion so strong, so unexpected, so inexplicable that it let a bolt of painful shock through Allen's body and causing him to let out a yelp of surprise. The full force of emotions came out of nowhere and yet they seemed so natural, it was hard to explain.

Fear, upset, anger, panic. While not the first time that this sort of strange empathetic behavior had happened to him since meeting Kanda, it was the first time the college student had been particularly aware that these feelings were not his own but someone else's. This was the first time he was truly, consciously aware of picking up on another's distress. This was the first time that he knew that these emotions were Kanda's.

With this almost unconscious realization came an emotion akin to sheer terror that could really only be described as suddenly being doused with ice cold water and feeling the wet coldness seep through flesh and bone. Kanda was scared and panicking; Kanda was in trouble. With an almost inhuman burst speed, Allen Walker tore off down the aisle, following the irate feeling that he felt sure was leading him to Kanda's current location.

Instead of being led to the snack aisle (which held those damnable crackers), like Allen had expected, he was instead driven in the opposite direction. A while down that way, he found himself making a sharp turn towards the ice cream aisle and straight through it. Allen finally found himself stopping in front of the back wall of the store and, more specifically, a door that had a sign saying it was only for employees. Allen paused, wondering if he should go in, but when he felt the panicked feelings swell again, he thrust aside his doubts and threw open the door.

The sight that greeted Allen Walker made his blood boil. A guy who looked to be about in his mid twenties who was wearing a uniform from the grocery store had Kanda pushed up against the wall, hands on either side of the blind man trapping him in. Kanda's face showed a strange mix of anger, uncomfortableness and fear that Allen reasoned only Kanda could pull off and make it seem completely natural.

"What. Is going on here?" Allen asked, his voice sharp and deadly quiet.

The other man didn't give him so much as a glance as he answered. "The sale on lunch meats is by the fruit."

There was something about that complete dismissal while he was obviously harassing a customer that set Allen off. A second later found the creepy employee on the ground having been hit with a nearby crate by an irate college student. Without words, Allen firmly but gently grabbed Kanda's hand, pulled him away from the wall and back out the door.

"Come on, Kanda." Allen said irately. "Let's get our groceries and leave."

Kanda could only nod dumbly, his eyes wide, as he allowed himself to be pulled along by his "babysitter".


	11. Care Too Much

" _ **Don't get mad when someone cares too much about you. In fact, you should start to worry if they don't care at all." - Kanda**_

" _ **When I fight with you, I'm really fighting for us. Because if I didn't care, I wouldn't bother." - Allen**_

" _ **Care too little, you will lose them. Care too much and you will get hurt." - Both**_

* * *

Why? That was all Kanda could think. Why?

Allen Walker. The kind albeit annoying and occasionally hot tempered man who had been stalking (Kanda would rather lose a thumb than admit that he really didn't think about it that way) him recently. Despite the easy irritation and reluctantly hot temper the man seemed to house, he never seemed the violent type.

That really only left two options. One: He had misjudged Walker, a prospect that Kanda and his pride refused to consider. Two: The man had been consumed by righteous anger that Kanda had been attacked (whether that was because of Walker's apparent crush on him or the fact that he was responsible for the man during the outing remained to be seen). That option introduced a whole new level of irritation. It was irritating because Kanda didn't know how to feel about it.

It was the same thing that often happened with his father, now that he thought about it. His father had always been showering him with love and affection and constant worries about his health and safety. It had always annoyed him and, at times, made him incredibly uncomfortable.

He didn't have any friends or anyone (besides that Lenalee Lee) that he even saw that often. Kanda had, despite his father's constant presence, gotten used to few actually caring about his welfare. This made his father's attentions even more jarring and unwelcome. The concern didn't make Kanda feel any better, it just made him feel like there was a hole opening up in his chest he didn't want.

His attempts to get away from that came in the form of running away from or lashing out at the source of that feeling; his father. Now, he had another source that he had no idea how to deal with. Allen Walker was not like his father, he did not take hostility past a certain point nor did he back down or leave when Kanda made it apparent that he wanted him to. If anything, the man increased their interactions. Why? Kanda didn't know.

He had never had to deal with someone like this Allen Walker before. He had made it a point to pursue Kanda from the moment they'd met. He never wavered (except when they argued) and he never left Kanda alone. Why? Why couldn't he? Why couldn't he leave when things got tough like everybody else? With these thoughts, Kanda wrenched his arm out of Walker's hold. Surprised by this, Walker spun around to look at him.

"Kanda?" The startled voice asked.

"Leave." Kanda said under his breathe and just above a whisper.

"What?" Allen asked, unable to hear him.

"Just leave." Kanda said, louder.

This time, Allen did hear. "What are you saying, Kanda?" He asked, still confused.

"Stop being so familiar with me!" Kanda snapped. "I didn't ask you to follow me around or take me out shopping or defend me from anyone! You think you know me, but you don't know anything! Just leave me alone! I don't need you!"

Allen was frozen for a long moment in shock, unable to wrap his head around what is companion was saying. Another abrupt emotional shift from Kanda, Allen could feel the pounding waves of anger emanating from the seething blind man. Anger that far too quickly became his own.

"What? So I'm the problem?!" Allen barked out, having finally snapped. "What about you? You're the one who has been a complete pill since we met! Anything I did or said has earned nothing but scathing resentment. What's happening here, anyway? I thought our relationship was getting better!"

"'Better'? Like I was warming up to you?" Kanda snorted derisively, even though he knew that that was exactly what had been happening.

For whatever reason, he was on the warpath at the moment and wasn't about to let things like truth and logic intervene; not now. Not after spending all that time with Walker, becoming more and more uncertain of himself as the time passed. He needed release; some way to get these swirling thoughts to leave him alone.

"At most, I tolerate you." Kanda snapped at the other man. A statement, which may have been true when they'd first met, was now no longer accurate. Ever since they'd met, Walker had been working their relationship, drawing them closer. Fondness was a slow-acting poison. What infuriated Kanda the most was that it was working.

However, this last comment Kanda made in anger seemed to be the last straw for the other man. " _You_? _You_ have been tolerating _me_?" Allen ground out, his voice slowly rising into a yell. "Take a step back and think about how you behave! You push everyone away, even when they really care about you! Even now, you're pushing me away and I have no idea what I did to piss you off this time!"

Allen thought (probably from the numerous psychology classes that he and his "friends" took) that Kanda might just be lashing out because he was feeling stressed and frustrated, but he found he couldn't force himself to calm down and care about that at the moment. It was so infuriating to deal with the man and his nasty mood swings and hate-filled words.

Though Allen didn't hate Kanda for the way he'd been treating him, but he felt that Kanda needed to be taken down a few pegs (for lack of a better term). If this was how Kanda treated everyone (and from what Allen had seen, it was), then there was no wonder why he was always so alone. No one would want to subject themselves to that . . . unless they were Allen Walker.

Allen persistent and Lenalee was an intriguing mixture of friendliness and not taking crap from anyone so they could probably stick it out with him regardless how he acts. For the moment, they were the closest things to friends Kanda had, but he simply couldn't go around acting like that to everyone.

"If that's the way you feel, then why don't you just leave me?" Kanda snapped out, near hysterics.

"Because I want to be the one to make you happy!" Allen snapped back, in turn.

A heavy silence quickly descended with whatever Kanda had planned on saying stopped in its tracks and Allen wondering why Kanda had stopped. Peering up at Kanda after a little bit, Allen saw that he had the most shocked look on his face. His eyes were near bugging out, wide as can be, and his mouth hanging more-than-slightly open.

Before Allen could figure out what to say next, Kanda had spun around and taken off down the street. Allen couldn't force himself to give chase and just stood in place, watching somewhat in shock as Kanda fled from him.

* * *

A light growl and fingers drumming restlessly echoed in the abandoned library. The small sounds were the only sign that the lone figure in the room was agitated. Tokusa had stayed late at the campus library for further study and plotting, so late that he now had the expansive selection to himself.

So what could he be plotting? He was the leader of a group; his group of friends, as it were. Being the leader, it was his job to keep them all together. He was the leader; the mediator; the ideas person.

When the group argued because everyone wanted to do something different with a particular afternoon or were simply bored with no idea of what to do, it was he who came up with plans and made the best decision that everyone could live with and enjoy. If the group was fighting over some petty issue, either Tokusa or Allen would step in and resolve it. Yet, he was the one who lead and the others were happy to follow. He was the leader, tasked with keeping the group together under his watch and they were in danger of a member breaking away. And that was where his current problem lied; with Allen.

Allen was really the only member of the group that was his equal in the group hierarchy. While the members of their group all shared many of the same qualities, such as being overachievers, Allen and he had the most in common. The white haired man had a definite leader quality about him combined with a take-charge attitude.

Most importantly, he was independant. That was a personality trait that none of the other members really had besides Tokusa. They were all very much dependent of the presence of the group and all of its members to keep them stable. Like a clingy child needing the presence of their parents to not have an emotional meltdown, they needed it.

Tokus remembered how they were before he brought them together. Tewaku, just as every other group member, had recessed into herself at the time when most children socially flourished. She was the very definition of a loner by the time she reached middle school.

While she was not technically a nerd, as the definition goes, she always did the homework she was given early and to perfection. She never interacted with her peers or even the teachers more than she had to. She was introverted towards people she didn't know very well, of course, but it couldn't have helped that the other students never took well to her unabashed intelligence.

Tokusa didn't know much about it, whether their problem came from a place of jealousy, or uncomfortableness, or Tewaku's inadvertent coldness towards others. Because, for such an upbeat and involved member of their group, she apparently did a 180 without them, becoming cold and distant. He supposed it didn't matter, though, why the sometimes surprisingly intelligent Tewaku didn't get on with her peers; just that she didn't.

It was her mix of intelligence and social isolation in school that drove their dear Tewaku to join their little group when she came to their high school. She was especially interested when she learned that they enjoyed overachieving as she did and would tolerate and even encourage her habits. The others, including Allen, had already come together to create their group before Tewaku showed up. The years since their high school days

His precious group. He brought them together and kept them together. They thrive under his watch and, without him, the group wouldn't be able to function. He'd sunk so much time and effort into it, too much to let it all fall apart now. As long as no one left, the group stayed strong. Yet, Tokusa was sincerely worried about the wellbeing of the group and all because of Allen Walker.

Allen had been growing distant from the group for some time now. At first, it was such a slight and subtle change that Tokusa didn't notice and, even when he did, the significance of the change eluded him. It took an (in Tokusa's admittedly perfectionist mind) unacceptable amount of time after his initial notice of the changes in Allen to fully understand that he was truly drifting away from them.

The others, being their usual socially illiterate selves, still haven't noticed the invisible wall their white haired friend had erected between them and him. He kept up a sort of friendly and open act in front of them (probably trying to hide it), but his own behavior alluded to it in its own way. He had an easier time of getting irritated in or by their presence, though he hid that well, too. He went from spending every weekend shopping or otherwise hanging out with the group to avoiding them at all costs.

Oh, sure, he blames it on work taking up more of his time. That would be a very valid excuse except for the fact that Tokusa was certain that it was a load of bull. Allen used his work as an excuse to shirk his responsibilities to the group, he was sure of it. He might not have even been working when he said he was.

A few times (very infrequently, really), he had lead the rest of their group to that boring store to check up on their wayward member just to make sure he was really there . . . working. He was, but maybe Tokusa just chose to go on a day he was telling the truth. That also didn't rule out the idea that Allen might be scheduling his shifts at times when he knew the group usually got together. That conclusion was very likely.

It was strange how this member's work never used to get in the way of their social lives before. Before he began to change, at least. On the subject of changes, what was with that charity case he was with the other day? He understood the need to look good to others (especially their teachers), but surely if eh wanted to do volunteer work to make himself look better, he could do it at the animal shelter; no need to burden himself with a whole human being.

Allen did have a habit of doing things the hard way, but it just didn't make sense to him. The fact that Allen had done this without telling the group shocked Tokusa and lead (forced) him to reconsider just how much distance Allen had been putting between them. Before that particular realization, Tokusa assumed that all Allen would need to stop his unreasonable behavior was a simple but firm push in the right direction.

Now, he knew that more effort on his part would be required and soon before Allen slipped too far away . . . as he seemed close to doing. Tokusa also recalled that it was because of this new "job" of his that Allen got truly defensive with them. He had never done that before, usually agreeing in one way or another as they had all agreed that that benefitted the group most. Arguing and differing opinions were things they had all agreed unnecessarily fragmented their group, so it was best to just agree.

Allen would simply have to be reminded of this, Tokusa decided at that moment in time. Allen Walker would be reminded of where his loyalties should lie. Of that, he was certain.


	12. Dream Sequence

" _ **Follow your dreams, they know the way."**_ **(Kanda)**

" _ **Don't fear the enemy that attacks you, but the fake friend that hugs you."**_ **(Allen)**

" _ **Expectation is the root of all heartache."**_ **(Both)**

* * *

 _A small Japanese boy sat on a swing, moving back and forth at a slow, steady pace. His silky, long black hair fell down his back and past his shoulders unencumbered by the ponytail he usually wore. The little boy seemed to be around six or seven years old, he wasn't sure which he was._

 _All of a sudden, the boy stopped swinging and wondered what he was doing wherever he was. Before, his mind hadn't seemed to wonder about that. Looking around languidly with a calm that he didn't think he should have, the boy found that he appeared to be in a playground. Well, that did explain the presence of the swingset, now, didn't it?_

 _The ground beneath his feet and for about a yard out was pale and a little grainy, as if it were covered in sand like many playgrounds probably were. The (sand?) ground didn't shift or dent under his feet when he touched it, but it seemed sand-like enough for him. However, there seemed to not be an area beyond the playground._

 _Perhaps there was a world outside the haze that enclosed his small, safe one. Perhaps there was, but Kanda felt no desire to venture outside to see. Though he came to the decision that he would not be going anywhere any time soon, the blue eyed boy did not resume swinging. Instead, he sat with both hands clutching the chains holding the swing aloft and staring at the ground with no energy placed anywhere, even towards thinking._

 _The light sound of small feet walking on sand drew Kanda's attention upwards. There, his eyes met those of a boy who he was certain had not been standing there before. The boy was short, very short, even for the young age he resembled. Truthfully, he appeared to be the same age as Kanda (although it was possible he was a little younger)._

 _Yet, in comparison, the boy was much shorter with a thinner frame, making him look drastically smaller. Peculiar gray eyes stared back at him from the small figure. The color wasn't the only strange thing about them. Kanda could have sworn he'd seen them before or, at least, their strange color._

 _They were also contradicting in what they expressed. The eyes, like his stance, were dull and seemed to be the barest amounts of interest and calculation. The boy kind of scared Kanda, but the young boy was not sure if it was the other boy's eyes that did that or something else._

 _Finally, and without the near lifeless look in the other boy's eyes changing even a bit, the silver eyed boy slowly opened his mouth. It seemed as if the boy was trying to say something for a moment, his mouth opening and closing languidly and his tongue flicking. Then, he finally spoke and asked a question._

" _What are you doing here?" The silver haired boy asked. His voice was soft and emotionally deprived._

 _Kanda stopped and thought about the question for a moment, although he was not sure what he was really thinking about, at all. "I don't know." He eventually came up with, lifting his gaze back up to the boy from where it had drifted to the ground._

 _Without missing a beat, the other boy replied with, "I think you do." This caused a shocked pause to overtake Kanda. He looked to the boy, a panic he was unsure why he was feeling rising within him. The other boy never looked away from him once._

" _You don't know what you're feeling. The world and the people in it, or even this town, frighten you and make you uncomfortable. You don't want to have someone in harming distance of you and be hurt again, so you closed off your mind to others. Using your lack of sight to help you along with this mental adjustment, you created a dark little world where only you and your father exist._

 _Anyone else who may or may not exist; they're in the darkness. Unseeable and untouchable, it's easy enough to pretend they aren't there. All this done so you can avoid being hurt." The boy's voice finally drew off after this._

" _Why are you telling me this?" Kanda asked, quietly and sullenly. The words the other had said were whirling painfully around in his head._

" _Because it doesn't stop you from being hurt. It just leaves you more unprepared for when something painful comes along. This is especially important now that one of those invisible, untouchable people have crossed through from the darkness into your little realm of existence."_

" _I don't want him there." Kanda whispered, softly. He felt like he knew who they were talking about although he could think of no one specific at the moment._

" _Maybe not, but you do need him there." A small pause and then the small figure continued. "You tried finding happiness your way and that didn't work. Now, we will try it my way."_

" _Your way?" Kanda asked, hesitantly._

" _If he's going to try to weasel his way into your life, then let him' it's the least you can do now. After your latest episode, though, you may have to put more of an effort into getting him back."_

 _The two figures stood, letting the silence pervade the area. "What are you, exactly?" Kanda found himself asking, breaking the silence._

 _The young body shrugged its shoulders in a noncommittal manner. "Your conscious mind? Your unconscious mind? Maybe something else entirely? Any of the above; all of the above?" His jarring eyes pierced into Kanda's own blue ones. "Does it actually matter? I'm still just telling you what you need to hear."_

" _Moving into the unknown isn't so bad." He added, in the same tone. "And it's time for you to go." Automatically, Kanda glanced over at the blurry, blank area beyond the playground._

" _Will I like it?" Kanda asked, feeling, for the first time since the conversation started, like a child. The child he appeared to be._

" _No way of knowing." The child's figure next to him spoke, cryptically. "There's only one way you will be able to find out. With that, the white haired one gestured towards the haze that seemingly symbolized the world outside Kanda's mental one._

 _At this realization, Kanda steeled himself, then stood and strode towards the edge of the vision. Glancing behind himself, he glimpsed the figure that was still watching him. Then, for the first time in a long time, he didn't run away from his problem but faced it head on and crossed the line into the unknown._

He woke up a moment later, the unnatural (for him) calm that he experienced in the dream still lingering like a slowly fading veil over his mind. He had fallen asleep in a sitting position and reclined against something hard. The feel of the hard structure he was sitting on helped Kanda to recall where he was.

After he'd exploded at Allen Walker, he had headed back over to the park from the day before and collapsed on a park bench. It seemed so stupid, now that he thought about it. As he sat and thought back to what he had said and done. He didn't even remember now why he had been so upset. He'd been so angry and panicked that he really could not pinpoint where his thought process had been, at the time.

What his did know was that he would have to find Walker. Lifting himself up off the bench, Kanda wandered back the way he came. He was so caught up in his speculations and planning that he forgot to focus on trying to sense the people around him and consequently bumped into several people on his way out. Probably several structures, as well, since he couldn't really tell just by bumping into them what were people or not unless they cussed at him.

But Kanda couldn't care about that at the moment. All he cared about was finding a way to fix the problem he had he was to get the other man back at his side, he would have to apologize. Another first for him, Kanda didn't think that he would have a hard time really meaning it when he did.

 **(Allen)**

 _I can't do it anymore!_ Allen thought, as he paced around his living room. _I can't keep chasing after him if all he's going to do is either run away or fight me._

The young man paused in his pacing and stared at the wand and pondered his predicament. Then, he let out a weary sigh as he let his head sag back down. "But I don't want to leave him, either." Allen said to himself, the words barely above a whisper. A loud, rapid knocking caused him to snap to attention; the noise so abrupt that it made Allen jump in surprise.

 _Company?_ Allen wondered, confused. _I never have company. Well, except for-_

His thoughts drew off as he opened the door, immediately catching sight of a widely smiling Tokusa; a truly unnerving sight. It wasn't that seeing such a wide smile on this particular man's face was unusual or even aesthetically unpleasant. Tokusa often walked around wearing a pleasantly wide smile that would have been reminiscent of chucky, had it been anyone else. Someone who was worse at pretending to be perfect at all times.

What was unnerving about it was that Tokusa rarely donned that congenial smile when he was alone with anyone in their group because he didn't feel the obvious need to hide his more conniving and controlling side with them. The group actually seemed to need those traits from him. So saying, whenever he did look like that, he was usually trying to hide that he was aggravated by something one of the members was doing.

He was alone with Allen. Allen had done something wrong. Something wrong enough to warrant a home visit from just Tokusa, without the group, and that foreboding smile. Scary thing, that.

Clearing his throat to make sure none of his nervousness shone through in his voice, Allen addressed his friend. "Hey." One short, awkward pause later and Allen decided he needed to say more. "What are you doing here? Where are the others?" For emphasis on his last question, Allen peered out of the doorway at the area over Tokusa's shoulder as if expecting to find their friends hiding somewhere behind him. Oh, Allen hoped so.

No such comfort was forthcoming, however, and Tokusa's smile only brightened. "I hope you don't mind that I didn't bring them along. You and I haven't spent much time alone together in such a long time."

Tokusa walked into Allen's home, not bothering to ask for permission. Already too nervous and unsure to risk riling Tokusa up by refusing him entrance, Allen merely stayed silent and closed the door behind him. He unhappily turned around to face his friend only to see the man staring at him. Awkward beyond measure would be an understatement.

"So what do you want to do?" Allen asked, trying to slip into his most common role; the peacemaker, the one that defuses situations. "Watch a movie?" And occasionally avoided problems.

"Actually, I wanted something else." Tokusa said, seriously.

An outright serious Tokusa was also something he did not feel comfortable with. His piercing eyes became trained on Allen. Despite knowing this person for years, Allen couldn't help the disturbed shiver that ran down his spine. The eyes stabbing into his gray ones were hard and cold.

"We need to talk."


	13. Role

" _ **The more wary you are of danger, the more likely you are to meet it." - Jean De La Fontaine**_ (Kanda)

" _ **I've become wary of interviews in which you're forced to go back over the reasons why you made certain decisions. You tend to rationalize what you've done, to intellectually review a process that is often intuitive." - Peter Weir**_ (Allen)

" _ **Be wary of the man that urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk." - Seneca the Younger**_ (Both)

* * *

"What are you doing, Walker?"

That question could mean many things. Why are you moving away from the group? Why are you hanging out with a blind man that has no social life and hates your guts? Why are you trying to move into a separate role from the one you've played your whole life?

Allen didn't know which question Tokusa was asking or even how to answer any of them. Maybe Tokusa didn't know, either, because, after he realized Allen wasn't going to answer him, he instead proceeded to walk around the room. He silently looked at his surroundings as if he hadn't been in Allen's house many times before.

"Where is that charity case of yours?" Tokusa asked as he picked up a snow globe from San Francisco and turned it around in his hand, as if he were actually paying attention to it.

The tone the question was asked in was light and curious, but Allen could hear the warning in the words. Swallowing his irritation at how his friend referred to Kanda (he ignored the issue of his current problems with the blind man) and answered as normally as he could.

"He . . . he had something to do." Allen looked down slightly in shame; the words were an obvious lie.

"I see." Tokusa replied as if he hadn't noticed the lie.

Allen knew that he did.

"That's good." Tokusa continued, blithely. "I think it's about time you cut him loose, don't you?"

He should have expected the words. He really should have, but they still came as a shock.

Cut Kanda loose? Dealing with the guy had always been complicated and stressful, especially so today, but to just give up . . .

Even in the beginning, when he had first seen the guy, not pursuing him hadn't seem like a real option. The pull and instant attraction he felt at the mere sight of the blind man nipped that potential thought right in the bud.

But was it really worth all the trouble?

If their most recent altercation should have taught Allen anything, then Kanda either really didn't want him or he was just violent towards the people that he liked. If the former was it, then the decent thing for Allen to do in this situation would be to quietly walk away. Drawing it out and making a scene wouldn't be good for anybody. If the latter was the case, then maybe it really would be best to cut Kanda loose.

As much as he had grown to care about the man since he had begun spending time with him, even if the other man did ever deign to grace him with a relationship, Allen didn't think he could be happy in a relationship with someone who wanted to have a domestic over every tiny argument. The college student wasn't sure if it crossed that line, but he thought that that sort of thing might qualify as an abusive relationship.

Maybe . . .

Maybe it was time to end it. Why was Tokusa bringing this up?

This last, disjointed thought snapped Allen to attention and brought it to where it should be, on Tokusa. In Allen's experience, one should never, regardless of their relationship with him, take their full attention off of Tokusa; he was most definitely the type to take advantage of that. A quick glance at the man showed him standing slightly off to the side from the position he had been in before Allen's mind wandered.

"Is that the reason why you're here?" Allen asked, trying and succeeding in sounding casual.

"About your involvement with him." Tokusa agreed with a slight nod of his head. "He could be leading you down the wrong path."

"The wrong path?" Allen egged on.

"He seems the moody sort." Was Tokusa's reply to his friend's statement. "Not a desirable characteristic, to be sure, and a bad influence, as well. Have you done any schoolwork since taking up his company?"

Allen opened his mouth to vehemently state that "yes, of course, he did", but stopped abruptly.

He hadn't. He really hadn't.

When did that happen? Why did that happen? School had always been important to him! He was a busy college student for pete's sake! He - he - he . . . he couldn't believe himself.

For once, he really felt himself coming over to his friend's way of thinking.

He had a paper due on Tuesday! And when was the last time he'd worked on it? Oh, yeah. The morning he went to that store and met Kanda.

The perfect marking of how far he'd fallen was that he hadn't even realized it. It had taken Tokusa - _Tokusa_ , the person he trusted least out of anyone, to call attention to how negligent he was being towards his schooling since meeting his love interest. Not just his schoolwork, actually.

Now that the floodgates have been opened, Allen realized that, while he may not have dropped the ball as badly on other parts of his life as he did with his schoolwork, he hadn't been doing much of anything that didn't directly involve Kanda since meeting Kanda. He hadn't been thinking about anything that didn't involve the man, either.

Without realizing the full implications of it, his romance (if you could even call it that) had taken up all of his time, all of his concentration. Any moment he could, he spent with Kanda. Any moment he couldn't, he spent thinking of how to romance Kanda or, at least, how to get the man to stop hating him. The silver eyed man winced at how unhealthy all of that was; it almost physically hurt him to think about.

Throughout the entirety of his epiphany-like sequence of realizations, Tokusa had been just watching Allen with those eagle eyes of his. True to the shrewdness and patience the other young man was known for, Tokusa had remained still, his hand at his sides, and silent.

Upon glancing up at his friend, Allen was met with Tokusa's piercing, unwavering gaze taking in his entire person. As uncomfortable as the feeling of having his soul, as well as his thoughts, laid bare by those hawk eyes made Allen, he had known Tokusa for far too long to be too unnerved by it.

Allen steeled his resolve to speak. Tokusa had waited patiently for Allen to come to his own conclusion, he figured he might as well tell him what he'd come to. The college student conveniently ignored, as he was prone to do, that told him Tokusa's temper and controlling nature wouldn't give him a choice in this matter, that it never had before.

"I-" Allen drew off, finding the topic extra hard to speak about, especially considering the present company. Unreasonably hard to talk about, really, and it felt like he had something similar to a cotton ball stuck in his throat.

Seeing the suspiciously raised eyebrow from Tokusa, Allen ignored the imaginary blockage and soldiered on. "I - Kanda seemed to have an effect on me." _Still does,_ Allen's mind supplied.

Allen ignored that, too.

"Is this really worth leaving your friends over?" The unusually soft voice of Tokusa asked, drawing a surprised pair of silvery eyes to him. Was that actual emotion in his voice?

Did he actually care about what Allen's reasons were for extricating himself from them or was this just more of Tokusa's tricks and emotional manipulations? Allen didn't know anymore and he didn't think he cared.

A familiar sense of acquiescence rose in him. He remembered it from a time before when he had first met Tokusa and his uncomfortable brand of friendship. It was the feeling of realizing that there were no other avenues left for him, no other, more real, friends worthy of his attention, either.

Any of the people he met in his life (like his childhood guardian and Kanda) always turned out to be bad for him. He attracted destructive relationships, but Tokusa pushed him to be a better version of himself. Tokusa talked him into spending his time on sports teams and working out and studying and getting the best grades possible. The man urged him to improve himself. The existence of the group also always made sure he had friends and a social life.

Kanda only broke him down. Story of his life.

"No." Allen spoke quietly, his certainty of his decision present in his low tone. "It's-He's not . . . worth leaving the group over.

Allen opened his mouth to say more, he felt he should say more, but he shut his mouth, not knowing what to say. What could he say, really? The situation was just so messed up and he had no idea how it had gotten this way.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that." Tokusa said, his brow unfurling, giving a surprisingly genuine smile. His smile, along with his posture, seemed to suddenly radiat relief at Allen's words, something that confused him greatly.

Tokusa hadn't been so open and genuine with him in a very long time, if ever. Was this the real Tokusa he was seeing or was it just an act? Maybe . . . maybe the worry of a member breaking away from the group had startled Tokusa into dropping his mask.

There was only one way to find out; he had to spend more time with his friend.

"Our group has a scheduled meeting to watch a movie at my place tomorrow?" Tokusa offered the metaphorical olive branch. "You don't have work tomorrow, right?" Tokusa checked.

Allen shook his head "no".

"So, then, can I expect you there? Noon?"

"Noon." Allen agreed, nodding.

Tokusa gave a warm smile that made Allen almost do a double-take before he swept from the room and out the door.

Allen didn't see the smirk on Tokusa's face as he left.


	14. Pieces

**_"Sometimes I push you away because I need you to pull me closer." - Unknown (Allen)_**

 ** _"If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal." - Unknown (Kanda)_**

 ** _"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray." - Rumi (Both)_**

 **(Allen)**

Allen prided himself on being realistic about himself and being aware of his flaws. Two, in particular, that have reared their ugly heads recently were his tendency to gravitate towards extremes and his need to throw himself into his work to distract from whatever bothers him. Maybe those particular personality flaws were the reasons why, as soon as Tokusa left, Allen proceeded to tear into his schoolwork with vigor. Any work he had been given was officially targeted, no matter the due date.

Allen had always (up until recently) taken school very seriously so it was normal for him to throw everything to the wayside in order to get it all done early (again, drifting naturally towards an extreme). Still, he couldn't deny to himself that it was mostly due to not wanting to think about the feelings Kanda inspired in him over the course of just a few days.

Because it had been, after all, just a couple of days. Such a short time for everything he had felt and, frustratingly, still felt. He had been unnervingly, dangerously attracted to Kanda since he'd first seen the Asian man and had continued to be unreasonably attached to him in the days following.

It was unavoidable that Allen would eventually work through all of his classwork (especially with how furiously he was currently doing it) and he was now done, leaving him with nothing but his thoughts. It just so happened that his thoughts were downright depressed. He'd thought, for a moment, that he would be able to move on from Kanda with relative ease. Naturally with some sulking, sure, but he could do it.

After Tokusa made him see reason, Allen realized just how nuts it was for him to care so much about someone he barely even knew. He refused to dwell on the thought that he still cared. Instead, he dwelled on the question of why he would care, to begin with. Sure, Kanda was gorgeous to look at, but his personality was most assuredly lacking, as were his people skills.

He would get over Kanda, he would, because their relationship wasn't anything like he'd hoped it would be that first day, and he did not think it would get any better. It scared him that, despite everything, he really didn't want to give up on the man he still knew very little about.

 _And why_ , a quiet, barely noticed, voice in the back of his head questioned. _Do not all of these hopeless feelings feel like they belong to me?_

 **(Kanda)**

Kanda returned home feeling hopeless and with a bad taste in his mouth after realizing that he couldn't make things right with Allen yet, having no actual idea where the man lived. His father was home and, in a strange gesture for him, didn't say anything as Kanda sat down on the couch next to him.

For once, Kanda wished he would.

The silence was deafening, his characteristic paranoia making it feel almost accusatory in its quietness. Accusing him of fighting and inevitably ruining his relationship with the imposing (but still thoughtful, dammit!) menace known as Allen _fricking_ Walker.

Walker who, despite his unnerving closeness, had always tried (and succeeded) to be there for Kanda when he had needed him. Kanda had been too harsh, loathe as he was to admit it. Kanda had always been too harsh with people, ever since he was young.

"So where is your friend, Yu?" Kanda's father asked unexpectedly, jerking his son from his whirling thoughts.

"Where?" Kanda parroted, not knowing how to answer the question even if he knew where Allen was.

"Yes, where." Tiedoll replied without so much as a pause. "You didn't scare him off, did you?" His tone was joking, but living with the man his whole life allowed Kanda to also pick up on the slight trace of seriousness in the elderly man's voice.

Kanda sighed, internally. The man knew him better than Kanda gave him credit for. Showing his characteristic stubbornness, Kanda refused to say anything in reply to the assertion. His answer was another sigh, sounding weary and worn down from the older man.

"Yu . . ." His father began, tiredly. "You have to stop doing this. I thought I had finally found someone to watch you who could take your temper with good nature. Then you had to go and do something to him, too. This needs to stop. You can't keep going on like this."

"I know." Kanda answered, downtrodden, his head sinking in shame.

"I think-" Tiedoll's voice stops mid sentence, the silence hanging there. " . . . you . . . know?" His father couldn't have sounded more surprised and lost if he took ten years of acting classes.

 _What I wouldn't give to see his face like that,_ Kanda thought, amusedly, a light smirk making its way onto his face. The moment didn't last very long, however, before Tiedoll got a grip on himself.

"Yu, son, what did you mean by that?" Tiedoll inquired delicately, as if believing the moment could shatter.

 _Time to bite the bullet._ "Just what I said." Kanda replied, just keeping the snarkiness at bay. "I don't know how much I really like Allen, but I realize it was nice having him around. Or maybe it was just having someone around. He was annoyingly persistent and protective of me in the beginning, but he would always listen to me."

"He would listen?" Tiedoll inquired. Kanda ignored the implication in his tone that Tiedoll might know what he was talking about.

"When I said that I could take care of myself, he listened. I . . . told him about how I've always managed on my own." Kanda remembered showing Allen the oddly shaped buttons on his clothes that he used to tell him the color of the clothing. A faint, if not confused, smile lightly pulled at the corner of his lips.

"He left me to my business in the grocery store we went to. He trusted that I would be able to get what I needed without him standing over my shoulder. I lashed out in anger and fear after that. It wasn't right of me."

Kanda hadn't spoken like this in a long time. He had learned quite early that admitting personal faults would just invite other people to take advantage of it. Come to think of it, Kanda could never remember a time when he had talked to his father like this, either. He had never talked to his father like this. It was unusual, but refreshing. Liberating. Nice.

"Do you forgive him?" Tiedoll's voice came quietly.

"For what?" Kanda asked, genuinely puzzled.

"For anything. For anything he might have said or done that offended you. For anything he didn't do that he should have or all the things he could have done better. You don't need to bring to mind anything specific, it's probably better that way. What matters is, do you forgive him for everything up to this point? Big or small? Good or bad?"

 _Is he speaking in tongues or something?_ A scathing part of Kanda's mind still active demanded.

He had to think about this. What was his father's purpose in asking him this? To his knowledge, Allen hadn't done anything really that bad up until this point. Did his dad know something Kanda didn't? Was there something he was supposed to be forgiving Allen for?

Or maybe . . . that wasn't the point, the thought belatedly occurred to Kanda. On that note . . .

"Of course." Kanda answered, not bothering to look in his father's general direction.

"Good." Tiedoll spoke, sounding unsurprised to the point that he seemed to fully expect the answer Kanda had given (which slightly irked the Asian man). Though, again, there seemed to be a barely-there hint of relief. Kanda chose not to think about the connotations that came with that.

"Because," Tiedoll continued. "That's necessary to start a healthy relationship." His tone was conversational.

Upon hearing this, Kanda shot his father with his best incredulous/confused face. It must have worked because the man moved on with an explanation of his reasoning with no more prompting.

"You tend to have a problem with letting things go, Yu. That can be a good thing, but it can also be a great weakness. It can cloud your judgement and blow a small problem out of proportion. Healing a whole takes both sides and any successful relationship is a partnership."

Now, Kanda was starting to feel like his father was just reciting a book of philosophical quotes at him. And it was irritating. But then, he looked a little bit underneath the words and realized what his father was trying to say. He needed to put in effort if he expected Allen to. Why his father couldn't just _say_ _that_ instead of almost trying to make everything into a riddle was completely beyond him.

This whole talking thing was out of character for them or, more specifically, for Kanda. Maybe that was why the next thing he did happened so easily despite the fact that Kanda would never have thought that he would stoop so low.

He pretty much asked his father for help.

"Where do I start?" Kanda asked, barely thinking about the words that passed his lips.

Thankfully, his father didn't call attention to it. Still, his father sounded almost elighted as he spoke. "Well, Yu, if I were you . . ."

 **(Allen)**

Allen felt a kind of hope swelling in him as he walked his way from the bus stop to Tokusa's house. He had rarely felt it in his life, but he recognized it as hope for the future; the feeling that he may very well be making the right decision. This foreign feeling lit up his body and made an excitable energy thrum through him.

Allen wasn't sure exactly why he was feeling this way when he was walking to Tokusa's. He hadn't been so happy to meet up with his friends in a very, very long time. Maybe after his hopeful, blooming relationship with Kanda kind of broke apart, he might actually be excited for the possibility of not having to think about anything stressful and just watch a movie with people who like avoiding problems just as much as he does.

Finally, the silver haired man came to a familiar doorstep. In this city, most houses (what few there were) and apartments already cost an arm-and-a-leg and the luxury apartments are even worse. Tokusa just happened to lie in one of those. His parents had a lot of money when he was growing up or so Tokusa told them. When Tokusa was ready to go off to college, he had a significant amount of money as a graduation gift and quite a bit of knowledge on business and how to run one.

Tokusa's apartment building was a pristine white, littered with windows and reaching up uncomfortably high into the air. It was by no means the tallest building in town, oh no, but it was still a giant especially when compared to Allen's own apartment building, which was only three floors. He lived in an apartment building that was only three floors total. In the city. Damn, he was poor.

The revolving door, the security and the front desk staff let him in easily. Allen had been to Tokusa's apartment plenty enough to be recognized on sight. Then again, perhaps his unique hair color had something to do with it. Perhaps.

Being in New York, subtlety was not their strong suit and, in accordance with that, the color motif of the inside if the establishment was red and gold; gold being predominate. All of the walls but one were gold, the floors were gold and most of the accents and furniture were gold, while the rugs, lighting, couch and other miscellaneous items added the red coloring. The elevator especially was a shiny, reflective sort of gold that could only have been produced through heavy maintenance.

Allen quickly proceeded to said elevator with practiced steps and pressed the button for one of the floors stationed in the upper middle of the building. The silver haired young man watched the elevator doors close, trepidation settling in.

He really had no idea how this was going to go. They were, of course, going to watch a movie, but he wasn't sure how the dynamics would work. Naturally, since it had been a while since he had really spent time with the group, it was going to be awkward for him. How awkward the entire thing was going to be for everyone came down to how Tokusa acted and whether or not the others had caught on to his previous attempts to distance himself.

He had no worry that Tokusa had let it slip. The man possessed a better lockbox than most banks and would only put forth the information that he wanted to and nothing more. Still, while the others in the group . . .

 _Especially Link_ , Allen thought.

. . . were not the most socially literate and didn't often notice the subtleties of human communication, they were not stupid and could potentially figure it out on their own.

Allen felt a good amount of relief when he was finally outside the correct apartment and Tokusa opened it wearing a very particular grin. This grin looked incredibly forced and stretched from ear to ear. He only wore this specific smile when he is planning to try his best at being amicable. Unless he dropped the act halfway through the day, this meant that Allen probably wouldn't have to deal with any shit thrown at him from that direction.

"Allen! So glad you're here. Everyone else is already inside, waiting!" Tokusa ushered his shorter friend in through the door and closed it behind them.

 _Overly cheery tone. Tokusa is most definitely trying today._ Allen thought to himself, mood brightening. His friend sure knew how to act the part, but anyone who truly knew him could tell how painfully awkward the act was for him.

The entire home was pitch black and Allen felt himself rubbing his eyes until they adjusted. When the young man felt he could see well enough to make it through the hallway without bumping into anything, Allen meandered through the hallway, Tokusa taking up the rear. Working on memory, Allen went straight to the living room where he came upon Tewaku, Madarao, Kiredori, Goushi and Link sitting around watching a documentary of some sort.

Tewaku was the first one to look up and notice Tokusa's return with Allen. She excitedly jumped up from the chair she was sitting on and bounded over to Allen, giving him a quick, uncomfortable (for him, anyway) hug.

"Allen, so glad you could make it! We were just watching Undercover Boss while waiting for you! Now that you're here, we can watch the movie!" Her usual, high-pitched cries made Allen cringe internally. He knew she didn't do it on purpose, it was just her nature, but it didn't make it any less painful. "There's a spot open on the couch between Link and Goushi."

She then pulled him over to the aforementioned spot and pushed him down into his designated seat before hopping back to her own. Tokusa silently took his seat on a chair by the sidelines and picked up the remote to start up the movie. Kiredori and Madarao both gave their quiet greetings from the loveseat that they shared, off to the side.

Now that Allen was here, claustrophobically sat in a room with these people, a lead weight started settling in his stomach. Subtle glances to either side of himself didn't really help matters. Goushi was his usual big, mostly silent self, staring stoically forward towards the screen and Link could easily rival him and win for stoicism and lack of friendliness. Both made no real attempt to greet him like the others did, only staring at the television programming as if sizing it up.

How could he have ever thought that there could be any hope in being accepted with his friends? This feeling now felt more like struggling not to drown in a sea of disappointment. But, then, maybe it wasn't him who was feeling hopeful.

Allen could smack his own forehead at his own thoughtlessness when the thought finally occurred to him. He hadn't been feeling his own excitement at all, but someone else's. He had good reason to believe that he had been feeling Kanda's emotions again.

As frustrating as this was for him and how hopeless the idea of leaving a man whose emotions he could pick up on behind now seemed, it did introduce a rather distracting question to Allen's mind as the movie started playing.

 _What was Kanda so hopeful about?_

* * *

Alright, I would like to address my second to last review by a Guest (the lengthy one). I'll also put this at the end of my next chapter too, if I can remember. Firstly, thank you for your comment, for multiple reasons. It was indeed helpful as far as character and plot went and I will keep many things written in mind.

What is most useful is addressing how some of my writings were possibly being perceived. They made specific references to Kanda not necessarily needing someone to take care of him simply because of his handicap when I said that he needed a partner to take care of him.

Now, I want to nip this idea in the bud. Specifically, the idea that Kanda would need a caretaker specifically because he is blind. Of course he does not. He needs help with certain things, like buying clothing, but he is not helpless. When I said that, I did not think I needed to clarify what I was referring to.

I had been trying from the very first chapter to paint a picture of a Kanda who needs control and to be solitary as a coping mechanism for the betrayals in his past. This is somewhat shown when Allen fold the bills he gives Kanda. Kanda is so surprised because no one had ever done that previously unless it was their job and he had grown unused to such help over the use.

Again, thank you for bringing this to my attention. Otherwise I wouldn't have known how it was being perceived. Since I tried throughout this to show him as being generally very capable of taking care himself, I toonk for granted that it was obvious that I was at least not referring to that when he said it.

In several chapters, I also tried to highlight both the things he really should have help with and what he can definitely do on his own. Especially when, instead of coddling him, Allen and Kanda split up to get their groceries individually.

Now, what I meant with Kanda needing a partner who could take care of him, I meant emotionally. I am not disabled, but much of Kanda's personality was based on my own. From closing himself off from trusting from last betrayals to his issues with power. My version of Kanda does Scrabble for whatever power he can get and gets upset when he feels he is at a disadvantage.

However, his need for power is mostly due to trauma, namely his blindness and the aforementioned past betrayals. Without those traumas, he wouldn't be much for control. Because of this, me and Kanda share a similar trait. That is, we are quick to pick up power and a leadership position because we are used to it. Used to being the one to take on gsh hard jobs af take care of others. How much of naturally taking on that role is actual desire to have it is really quite small.

Just like me, Kanda was set up so that being around Allen, someone who is trustworthy and actually wants to take care of him, would get Kanda to realize this. To experience how cathartic it can be to have a trusted partner take all of the responsibility off of his shoulders. Allen was also created to be a properly corresponding partner.

In contrast to Kanda, he is someone who (as one might imagr with any Allen) had little to no control of his life growing up. The only things he had control of growing up was his grades at school and, later, the feeling of course trolling he got while with the Group. Because of this, it is relaxing and calming for him to take charge of situations, but he doesn't demean others or abuse his control.

This makes him the perfect person to give Kanda, who internally needs someone to take away the pressure, but not be dominated. And it may be TMI, but Kanda being the bottom in any bedroom relationships was also based on me. In keeping with our personality, he would be comfortable taking control in the bedroom, but not happy. And that is the key, here.

Whew! Sorry is that was long-winded, but . . .

I clearly did not explain this enough before so I'm doing lots of explaining now and . . .

I talk (and write) a lot, tending towards ad nauseum. I am a long-winded person.

So, there it is. I meant Kanda needed taking care of emotionally. Because that is just in his personality. He hordes power, is independent and short-tempered, but loss of power is exactly what this individual needs and this was simply the way he was written from the beginning.

Again, thank you for commenting about this and letting me know what you thought I meant.


	15. Better or Broken?

The dream started on a familiar note. Kanda didn't know how old he was during it, but he felt he was young. Perhaps he was not as young as he used to be, but still young. He was surrounded by white; stark, white nothingness that neither ended nor continued. There was nothing where he stood and nothing in the distance. Nothing, but a brick road that stretched out as far he could see.

Kanda didn't question why he could see it, why his eyes took in every color or how he even knew what the colors were that he was seeing. Yet, he knew the bricks were blue, a rich and dark blue. They had different splotches of colors and shapes in odd places that correspond to the other bricks. The bricks came together to form a big, long picture, each piece one small part of the whole.

The picture showed square, house like shapes along the bottom and weaving, mountain like shapes rising from behind them. A large, cragley rock is shown rising above them all, towering over the other almost-structures. White blobs moved and curled around them all with little blobs of yellow dispersed between them.

All in all, it was a rather unique walkway and its description reminded him of what his father once described to him as the famous painting, Starry Night. Kanda wondered if it was the same one. Kanda briefly thought that he should stay where he was, but, after looking around a bit more, he came to the conclusion that nothing was going to happen with him just standing.

He began to tread along the blue brick road, which reminded him immensely of a line from a movie his father would always put on for him to listen to as a child. He didn't know how long he had walked along the blue brick road or even how long he had been in this blank world, there was no sense of time here. He did eventually, however, happen upon somewhere that seemed like an actual place.

To be specific, it seemed that he walked right into a living room. There was a couch or a lounge that was a dark, almost burgundy, red with light brown throw pillows. There was a navy blue chair that seemed a cross between a plush chair and a rocking chair. Another chair was across from it, deep green with a lot less plush and a lot less rocking. Both chairs were on either side of the couch or lounge.

There was also a white coffee table in the center of them all. None of them matched and they all looked old. Really, the entire room made Kanda think of the kind of mishmash one might get at a thrift store or yard sale. A figure, that Kanda was almost certain hadn't been there before, stood in the corner, looking out of a window that showed nothing.

The figure seemed familiar, somehow. It was a young man that appeared to be in his mid-teens. Yet, the lonely, sombre look in his eyes as they gazed out the window and the firm set of his lips were something that no one so young should have. A sudden feeling of kinship overtook Kanda, being reminded of his own loneliness and heartbreak at that age.

Though, it wasn't his age or even his expression that was the most familiar. It was his appearance. Silvery-white hair and light blue eyes; very uncommon. His skin was pale to match the rest of his features, making Kanda wonder if perhaps this person was an albino.

He didn't know how long he stared before the boy turned around. He had the air of someone who had known for a while that he was being watched and yet seemed as if he had just noticed Kanda standing there. How peculiar.

"Hello, Yu." The teenager spoke.

"How do you know my name?" Kanda asked, feeling neither as annoyed nor as unnerved by the usage of his name by this person as he possibly should have been.

"Doesn't matter." The teenager answered. "I do have a question, however."

"Which is?" Kanda prompted. He was now beginning to wonder if he was drugged for how little he was reacting to all of this.

"Do you know what you need to do?" The white haired boy asked, his pale blue eyes shifting to stare into Kanda's way those eyes pierced into Kanda made the strange man seem as if he knew everything about him.

Kanda, weirdly enough, didn't need to ask what the other man was talking about nor did he hesitate to respond. "Yes." Kanda calmly stated. "I need to apologize to Allen; tell him that it's not his fault for how I behaved." The last few words came out with more passion in his voice than he'd felt since entering this strange world.

"Because the fault is yours?" The other man inquired, knowingly.

"Yes." Kanda replied, again without hesitation.

The other man gave a small pause before he continued. "It's been a long time since you admitted fault for something, hasn't it?" Blue eyes sparked with a mix of irth and curiosity.

This was the point in conversation when Kanda would normally stop talking and clam up. That was the way he always reacted when a conversation well and truly came around to focus on him. He did not tolerate invasive questions and he most especially did not volunteer personal information.

But, without really thinking about it, he came dangerously close to doing just that. "Why should I?" Kanda asked, unsure if he was really asking for an answer. "People are already so eager to assign blame to me, doing so would just give them more ammunition."

And that was the problem, wasn't it? Somewhere in his life, admitting fault of any kind had become akin to showing weakness and Kanda's past experiences taught him that most would jump at the chance to leap onto someone showing weakness and tear into them.

"Because of someone who won't." The other guy calmly replied. Kanda might have been reading into it too much, but it felt almost as if, with that line, the guy was also answering some of the things Kanda had been thinking about.

Noramay, Kanda would scoff at that kind of simple reply, but this location was having a strange effect on him and so he merely replied in a clinically cold voice. "What are the chances of that happening?" Even without portraying it through his voice, both men knew that his query was meant to be rhetorical.

Still, Blue-Eyes decided to respond, anyway. "It already has, hasn't it?" This query, too, was rhetorical. "And you weren't prepared for it. He continued.

Kanda felt his stomach get a little tighter and heavier. That was true, too. He didn't really realize it until he had talked to his father, but it wasn't what Allen did or said but how Kanda interpreted and reacted to it.

"I'll fix it." Kanda spoke with confidence. He had to fix it. His fight with Allen hadn't left his mind since it happened.

"I think you will." Blue-Eyes said, his soft smile widening. "He's forgiving and you do need him."

Kanda opened his mouth to refute that he _needed_ anyone (as much out of instinct as in outrage), but Blue-Eyes continued without leaving an opening.

"He needs you, too. Someone who will stay by his side and support him and particularly to not judge him." Kanda actually winced when emphasis was put on the judgement part, remembering all the judging he had done.

If the other man noticed the flinch, nothing about him gave it away. "But you really do need him even though you don't want to admit it."

"I don't need anyone to do things for me just because I'm blind." Anger battled with the invasive calm of this world, causing Kanda's eyes to light with fire while his voice remained cold. Kanda clenched his hands into fists as they lay limp at his sides.

"I know you don't." Blue-Eyes stated, pleasantly. "Then why did you say that?" Kanda demanded, confused and his tone more tranquil than he would have liked.

Blue-Eyes remained unflustered. "Did you not enjoy having someone to spend time with you during your mornings and your shopping trip? Does it not comfort you to know that Allen would step in if someone was harassing you, whether or not you can handle it on your own? To have that support?"

This new, different line of questioning startled Kanda and stopped him right in his tracks. He couldn't really find it in himself to reply, either. He wanted so much to disagree, but what was said sounded so true.

Much of the reason why he lashed out at Allen had been because of how quickly the other man had inserted himself into Kanda's life so quickly and also how new the whole experience was, but there was another aspect that continually triggered his aggravation. There had been a persistent part of him that enjoyed the attention, the help, the companionship.

"There is more to needing someone," Blue-Eyes continued, uninterrupted. "Than having them do things for you. It's not about not being able to do things without them but not wanting to do things without them." After that, conversation dropped off and Kanda slipped into a contemplative silence, mulling over what the other had said.

It made sense, in a way. For a long time, needing someone had been a bad thing. He had seen it as a bad thing. Any time someone had brought up the idea of getting him another aid, especially if they were his father, Kanda had taken it personally. It was almost as if, by saying that, they were also saying that he wasn't an able human being, that he was someone who was more defective than the people around him.

And those imaginary words felt like a punch in the face.

He'd never before questioned if the people he'd talked to had meant it that way or if they were even being malicious. How many people had he pushed away by refusing to see their point of view? These were questions he never would have thought of before Allen came into his life and upset the way he looked at life. Kanda shook the thoughts from his head. He didn't want to think about it and, even if he did, this was not the time or place for it.

"Fine." Kanda stated, acquiescing to the other man's logic. "But why does he need me?" He questioned, remembering how the other had reassured him by mentioning that Allen needed him, too.

This time, Blue-Eyes' smile was less gentle and calm and more playful. "I'll leave you to find that out on your own." The boy held a pale finger up to his lips in a secretive motion.

It was then that blackness overtook Kanda's vision. The familiar blackness he had lived with most of his life. Kanda lay in his bed, eyes open, seeing nothing. The soft bedding caressed his body, warming it as he simply lay there.

It was a dream. Just a dream. A familiar hollow feeling settled in his chest at not being able to see anything, especially after dreaming that he could. Most of the dream world had been a stark white, but he had still seen more during it than he had in his entire life. What's worse, his dreams had never been like that before. Not until lately, at least.

Kanda reached over to his bedside table, trying not to shift the rest of his body. He felt around until his fingers made contact with the watch he kept on the table. His father had given it to him a long while back when Kanda was fifteen and had really started pushing to manage his own time and life. He had described it to the young Kanda as a braille clock made of a gold colored metal with a glass cover.

Naturally, Kanda didn't admit it beyond a simple thanks, but he really did appreciate the clock. Knowing the time unlocked so much independence and power. It was actually a very thoughtful gift, the first of many his father would give him to help with his problem.

Kanda's fingers curled gently around the clock, bringing it closer to him and clicking open the cover in one swift movement. His fingers moved expertly and with practiced ease over the braille indicating the numbers and carefully felt the arms of the clock to see their positions relative to the numbers.

Among the many things that made this watch special to better accommodate someone who is visually impaired, the most well thought out were the clock's arms. The arms of just about any other clock were weak. They shook, changed positions and even tended to fall off when prodded by a person's fingers.

Braille watches, however, had the ingenious design of stronger arms that would not move or change position just by touching them directly. The cover even pops right open so that someone like Kanda would have easy access to feel around the clock's face. This made it significantly easier to get an accurate reading of the time.

In fact, the entire watch was much sturdier than the average watch. It's sturdiness mixed with Kanda's tender care lead to the trusty device lasting several long years and it was still going. The cold metal rested comfortingly in his palm as his fingers worked to discern the time.

 _Eight in the morning._ Kanda thought, as he carefully placed the watch back on the bedside table and propped himself up.

He wanted to go and apologize to Allen this day. He had regretted his mistake ever since making it, even before he understood what his mistake was. Clearly, his dreams were only a manifestation of that regret.

Still, he had only known Allen for a little under a week and had spent about two full days with him. He didn't know Allen well enough to know where to find Allen to apologize to him. When he did find the menace, however, he had come to the conclusion that he would have to bite-the-bullet and apologize.

Despite the short time they'd known each other, Kanda just knew that he and Allen weren't meant to go their own separate ways. He didn't know how he knew, he just did.

Kanda now knew a good amount about Allen's current life because of all the talking about himself the other man had been doing on their walks together. Allen talked about, among other things, the college he went to (University of Rochester, apparently). The day before had been a Sunday, so Kanda was pretty sure Allen would be at his college at the moment.

This line of thought helped Kanda realize that he did know of one place Allen would eventually go. Just because his father had hired Allen to follow him around as a side job in his free time didn't mean that he didn't still have a primary job at the Japanese themed store, Mese, although Kanda was sure that his father would shell out enough money for trailing Kanda to be Allen's new full-time job.

He would just have to go down later that day and ask Lenalee what days Allen would be working and come back then.

 _Does this make Allen a friend?_ Kanda wondered. Clearly, the man wanted to be more than friends and Kanda was more interested in considering this route than he had been a few days ago (but, then again, he hadn't been very open to a new friendship a few days ago, either).

Whether this relationship would constitute a friendship or not, Kanda was looking to make amends and Lenalee had told him often enough that romantic relationships were just "highly evolved friendships". While he understood that's best not taken too literally, he understood what she'd meant. Partners were friends in their own right and he should approach it as such.

He should probably get Allen a gift, then.

Something to show him that he was sorry and that he was now going to start treating Allen more as a friend than an unwanted hanger-on. Not a big gift, just something small and thoughtful, he knew how gift giving worked.

With that decided, kanda laid back in bed, intent on relaxing. He did not want to have to leave his bed until later that day and a good part of living with his parent and not having to work meant that he had the luxury to stay in bed for however long he wants.

* * *

 **(Allen)**

"And then she said that it was _her_ seat so rudely! So I just pushed her out of the way and made the woman do me first!" Tewaku recalled, excitedly. Honestly, she had the same look on her face and voice as if she had just gotten a new pair of shoes, but Allen found the story she was telling much more disturbing.

Tewaku went to this cheap hair salon about once a month to get about an inch taken off her hair length, "for split ends", she always says. Well, apparently someone was talking up her usual chair when Tewaku went in and she hadn't started to get her hair done yet. The woman had gotten understandably upset when Tewaku lay claim to it and refused to move.

Tewaku had then gotten it in her head to push the lady out of the chair and muscle her way in. And Tewaku said it like it was a completely normal thing. As if doing so was her right because it was her usual seat. She could in no way understand how what she did could be labeled as wrong.

This was something that had always bothered him about Tewaku. She'd changed since Allen had first met her. She had been such a sweet girl, but truly friendless and alone. They all knew what that felt like.

It was what had brought them together in the first place, after all.

"Well," Tokusa replied to Tewaku, waving his hand flippantly. "She clearly deserved it. Who did she think she was?"

That being the difference between Tewaku and Tokusa. Tewaku didn't see anything wrong with the action, Tokusa just didn't care about hurting others. The others in the group hung back and silently followed them, as per their usual. Kiridori was quietly eating a sandwich and Link was working on some journaling exercise while he walked after them almost robotically.

"But enough about that." Tokusa said, in good humor. "How has your morning been going so far, Len?"

"Fine." Was Allen's monosyllabic answer.

The nickname had nearly made Allen jump in surprise. It seemed so long since he'd heard the name the group had come up with for him. It was an affectionate little moniker that had cropped up some time ago and, unsurprisingly, the one who came up with it in the first place was Tokusa.

"Just fine? So nothing interestings happened?" Tokusa asked, smiling good-naturedly.

Tokusa asking about his day like he actually _cared_? Allen didn't know how to answer. "Just the normal things . . . breakfast . . . classes . . ." He answered, trying not to seem uncomfortable.

"That's nice." Tokusa replied, pleasantly, letting the conversation go. He had been acting strangely caring and attentive the last few days. Allen couldn't figure out whether he should be happy about that or not.

Still, Allen was about to let out a relieved sigh at not having to answer any more behavioral questions before another voice cut in, straightaway.

"Oh!" Tewaku burst out, making quite a few members of their group jerk and turn their attention to her, Link included as he looked up from his work, interestedly.

"What happened to that guy you were babysitting a few days ago?" The excitable female asked. The other's gazes fixed themselves onto him, awaiting his response.

Allen twitched and promptly squashed the immediate urge to lash out at the insinuation that he had been "babysitting" Kanda. She hadn't meant anything necessarily malicious by it and he had excused Kanda's presence that day by stating that it was strictly his job. Besides, appearing too angry about it would only draw more unwanted attention and questions.

"Oh, my contract was terminated." Allen answered, trying not to be even more obvious in his lying and hoping that his friends would let it go. They, however, were not dumb, Link being the first to open his mouth.

He was probably going to question the supposed contract, but Tokusa stepped in again to save him. "Well, at least you'll have more time to hang out with the group." Tokusa smiled. Or . . . use the statement as fodder for his own personal desires. Whatever.

"So what do you guys think about-?" Tokusa started, but was promptly cut off by someone's phone ringing.

Those who knew it wasn't their phone stood still, while the others looked about and checked their pockets. It took a couple seconds of them searching and then, collectively, turning to stare at him for Allen to realize that it was _his_ phone that was ringing. Allen smiled sheepishly as he fished the phone out of his pocket and checked who it was.

 _What is Lenalee doing calling me during school hours? Isn't she working right now?_ Allen wondered, excusing himself from the group to take the call privately.

As soon as Allen was alone and had clicked the button to answer the call, he was met with Lenalee's panicked voice shouting through the speaker.

"Lenalee! Lenalee! Calm down, what's wrong?" Allen's own voice rose in panic as he tried desperately to calm her.

"Something's happened to Kanda! He came by here, asking for you! And then! And then! You have to get over here right away!" Damn. Lenalee's voice sounded desperate and hearing that something happened to Kanda nearly made Allen's heart beat out of his chest.

"I"ll be right there!" He yelled into the phone before rushing back to his friends. He gave his friends a rushed explanation to his friends that there was an emergency and that he needed to go. Classes had just finished for the day, so he didn't have to worry about that, even though he did have plans with the group before the call.

All of his friends were pretty understanding, except for Tokusa. He seemed to be in an immediate bad mood, scowling and staying silent, but Allen didn't have time to focus on that. He was too worried about Lenalee and Kanda.

As Allen ran from the school, one thought repeated itself over and over.

 _I hope Kanda is okay._


	16. Step in the Right Direction

" _ **All you need is someone who joins in your weirdness." - Kanda**_

" _ **It's easier to say you're mad than to admit you're hurt." - Allen**_

" _ **Never let your friends get lonely, keep disturbing them." - Lenalee**_

* * *

 **(Kanda)**

Kanda tapped the final lamppost and counted ten; it was how he'd originally learned to find his way from his home to Mise long before he met Allen working there. There were many things he used to find his way around familiar and unfamiliar paths, including smells, sounds and counting.

He knew the direction and basic amount of time it would take to get to Mise, but there happened to be exactly ten lampposts between Kanda's home, with the last being right in front of Mise. Counting had proven invaluable on several occasions. Entering through the doors brought a rush of uncomfortably cool air that almost made Kanda shiver.

"Oh! Kanda!" The soft, sweet voice immediately came from where Kanda knew the cash registers were. He languidly trekked over to that side of the store and stood before the register that he heard some kind of rustling behind.

"Lena." Kanda acknowledged with a small nod and tried to hide the smile his lips tried to form. _No weakness, not even in front of Lena._

"It's been a few days since you've come around, Kanda." Lenalee spoke with good humor, not a speck of anger or irritation prevalent in her voice, that he could hear. "You normally come around every two days, even if it's just talk. Been busy with Allen?" The last part was spoken in a sly manner.

 _I do?_ "Sort of." Kanda answered, blunt as usual and keeping his thoughts to himself.

"What's up with Allen, by the way?" Lena asked curiously. "I haven't heard from him over the weekend, either, but that's not necessarily unusual for him, he's not nearly the creature of habit that you are."

Kanda had nothing to say to that last part, he was a creature of habit and he knew it. His personality as well as his blindness probably contributed to this fact. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually." Kanda forced out. Now or never.

"Oh?" Lenalee sounded very curious.

"Do you know when the next time he works is?"

"Tomorrow." She answered, a hint of question in her voice. "Why do you want to know and why can't you ask him yourself?"

 _Always so straightforward,_ Kanda winced. He'd always appreciated that about her, but he couldn't quite feel that way at the moment. "We had . . . a disagreement." _A fight._

"Oh, Kanda, what did you and Allen do?" Now her voice sounded like a mix of distraught and irritated.

Kanda couldn't make himself answer her and so Lenalee continued. "I thought you two had such potential, too." She spoke mournfully.

 _We still do,_ Kanda thought, reluctantly.

Newly committed to opening up a bit more, Kanda forced himself into telling the gist of what happened between him and Allen. Lenalee's voice was even more irritated once Kanda had finished his tale.

"So let me get this straight." She took a pause to gather her thoughts and then continued. "You were stubborn and defensive and Allen was pushy and protective."

The observation was stated rather than questioned, but Kanda gave a small nod, anyway. The way she said it made the situation sound more childish and it gave Kanda hope that it could be fixed easily.

"I'm surprised at you, Kanda." Lenalee said, sounding surprised. Kanda expected a rebuke for his defensive behavior. "I never would have expected you to go out of your way to fix this misunderstanding. Allen might be good for you." She sounded contemplative and pleased.

Had he really changed that much?

"Guess it's my duty to solve this." More shuffling and then the sound of electronic beeping.

"What are you doing?" Kanda inquired curiously. He wished he could see what she was doing.

"Calling Allen." She answered as if it was the most natural response. It wasn't, in Kanda's opinion. Immediately he swiped his hand out, trying to get the phone from her hand, but he heard her shuffle back out of reach.

Suddenly, he was panicking.

Allen wouldn't be feeling very amenable if he was dragged from whatever he was doing to have this conversation. He wasn't ready for this! Kanda could only listen in apprehension as Lenalee apparently for ahold of Allen and started spewing forth a sob story about something happening to him.

The desperation in her voice was convincing enough that Kanda would have been completely fooled if he hadn't been talking to her only moments before. Allen apparently bought it and Lenalee hung up the phone, shoving it somewhere behind the counter before turning her attention back to her friend.

"Allen's on his way." If he didn't know any better, Kanda would have thought Lenalee sounded smug.

"Why did you do that?" Kanda questioned haltingly.

"To save you time and so you wouldn't have time to chicken out." Lenalee explained herself.

"You could have just told him I was here and not say that I was injured." He pressed. He could almost feel her roll her eyes.

"Allen has a habit of working to avoid his problems. If your argument was as bad as it sounded, he'll avoid it if he gets a heads-up. I won't give him the chance to back out, either."

 _She sounds almost like a drill sergeant . . ._

Lena could be scary when she sunk her teeth into something, like Kanda and Allen's relationship.

Just as Kanda was thinking of a rebuttal to Lenalee's statement, the doors slid open behind him and someone rushed into the store. Heavy breathing and thudding footsteps were heard as the person got closer. Kanda already knew who it was.

Allen stopped by the register, quickly forcing words through his huffing. "What-Lena, what-?"

Then he stopped entirely.

 _What?_

"Kanda? You're okay?"

Kanda started at the question. "Yeah."

He'd wanted to say something else, something snide, like "Why wouldn't I be okay?" or "I didn't think you'd be so worried?", but neither came out.

There was a pause from Allen and then . . . "What's going on, Lena?" Allen's voice was quiet as he asked this, sounding of confused questioning and with a tinge of accusation.

Lenalee sounded wholly unaffected. "According to Kanda, you two had an argument and now you need to resolve it."

"You told me something bad happened to Kanda." Allen sounded angrier, now.

"Something did; your argument." Lenalee's voice got closer and her hand then wrapped around Kanda's arm.

She began pulling firmly on his arm and, not interested in exacerbating the situation for once, Kanda followed her direction.

"Hey! Where are you going?" There was the sound of Allen's footsteps following behind them.

Lenalee just hummed and didn't answer.

Before Allen could catch up to them, Lenalee stopped walking and Kanda did, as well. They'd apparently stopped in front of a door because the next thing he heard was the sound of a doorknob turning and then he was shoved forward.

Caught off-guard, Kanda leaned back into a shelf, his hands splaying out on either side of him, his arm span almost as long as the room. So it was a small room; a closet, if the copious amount of shelving was anything to go by.

Scuffling, indistinct arguing and then a body pressed against his.

 _Has Lenalee gone crazy?!_ Kanda thought while attempting to push Allen off of him, but there really wasn't enough room in the closet for either of them to move anywhere.

"Lena! What the-?" Allen barked.

"Stay here and talk! I mean it!" Lenalee interrupted. Kanda, pressed against the back of the closet by the other man's body, could only listen as Lenalee closed the door and seemingly dragged over something to rest against it from the outside.

Kanda didn't even bother with trying to get out again. Knowing Lenalee, she'd pinned the door well enough to keep them both in for a little while and she'd come to get them soon enough. Even if they did get out on their own, she would probably make sure they regretted it. No, it would be best if they just stayed put and did what she wanted.

Allen seemed to realize the same thing and didn't bother trying to break down the door, like someone normally would in this situation. He did, however, move to lean on the door so that the two weren't pressed right up against each other, not that there was room for much distance.

An awkward silence was starting and Kanda knew he couldn't let it go on for very long if he wanted to fix their relationship. After talking to his father, Kanda knew what he had to say to get Allen's forgiveness and his attention. He mentally went over all the things his father had said to him, psyching himself up to say something he hadn't said since childhood.

"I'm so sorry." The words came out soft and hoarse. Like a whisper, but loud enough to easily be heard in the small room.

Apparently, it was effective. Kanda had an acute feeling, one he'd relied on his entire life to sense things around him, that someone was staring at him _hard_ and that could only be Allen. In

Kanda's mind's eye, a feature he felt had only really started up after meeting Allen, he imagined Allen staring at him in pure shock. Warranted, of course, since Yuu Kanda did not make a habit of apologizing uncoerced.

The image in his mind had silver hair and eyes that looked like a mix between gray and blue. This strange face just screamed _Allen Walker_! This face would probably always come to mind for Allen from that moment onward.

The face Kanda envisioned had wide eyes and a slack jaw, clearly surprised. The imagined expression actually rather fit the shocked silence that greeted his declaration.

"You what?" Allen's voice asked, saturated in disbelief.

"I'm sorry." Kanda forced himself to continue. "For how I reacted. It wasn't that I hate you . . . I don't hate you. It's just . . . I . . ." He couldn't continue. It was too much, too soon. The breath stuck in Kanda's throat and he self-consciously looked down at the floor.

 _I don't like this feeling._ Kanda thought, just before a hand landed on his shoulder. Abruptly looking up, despite knowing he wouldn't see anything, and met those silver eyes. It was jarring, the face was still there. Pale with matching gray hair and eyes.

He couldn't see anything else, just that face in the usual sea of darkness. And he felt it, really felt, like he was seeing something and not just imagining he was seeing something. This whole day really wasn't going how he'd expected it to.

* * *

 **Wanted to get this chapter up so I stopped it here and my finals are over so I hopefully will have more time to write. Hopefully. Anyway, happy reading!**


	17. Respect

" _ **A gentleman will open doors, pull out chairs, and carry things. Not because she's helpless or unable, but because he wants to show her that she is valuable and worthy of respect."**_ (Allen)

" _ **I can tell by your eyes. You have very expressive eyes. Your emotions are right there." - Lorelei James**_ (Kanda)

" _ **Effort will release its reward only after you refuse to quit."**_ (Both)

* * *

 **(Kanda)**

Kanda finally understood that term from all those books where the main character said they wished the ground would open up and swallow them whole. He felt that now.

"Hey." Allen said, the face in his mind's eye was moving its mouth perfectly with the words.

The face wore an expression that could only be described as heavily conflicted. The eyebrows were drawn up and anger, confusion and guilt were practically oozing out of quicksilver eyes. _Oh._ The face was really quite expressive.

A slight amount of warmth pooled in his gut with the realization. So, apparently Kanda found that attractive.

"Hey. Kanda." Allen spoke to him again, his voice low, clear effort being put into making sure his voice sounded calm.

Kanda shook himself from his thoughts so he didn't ignore Allen any longer. "Yes?" Kanda responded, preparing himself for whatever happens next.

"I-I'm sorry, too. And mad. And confused and - I don't know." The other man sounded distressed. Allen paused for a minute, seemingly to get himself together and then turned the conversation elsewhere. "Do you want to be friends?" His voice sounded lost, like he desperately wanted to know what _Kanda_ wanted.

And there it was. Kanda wasn't sure if he was really ready to start a romantic relationship, even a hesitant one, but they needed to start things right this time and Kanda didn't feel satisfied with being friends.

"I want something more." Kanda stated, thought, then amended it into something simpler for Allen. "Will you go on a date with me?"

Allen looked confused and conflicted, the many questions he wanted to ask, visible on his lips. After a moment, he said "Yes" and gave a weak smile.

This wasn't how Kanda expected things to go, but he couldn't really think of a way it could have reasonably gone better.

"This weekend, then?" Allen asked, still unsure.

"Fine." Kanda replied, clearing his throat uncomfortable when he realized how curt that sounded.

Lenalee chose that moment to open the door and let them out. She tried to talk to them, but Kanda and Allen both seemed to have too much on their minds to make good conversation. The men bid each other goodbye and left the store, thoughtfully going their separate ways.

Kanda wouldn't think for some time about the fact that he could see the expressions on Allen's face and in his eyes. Just a face in a sea of black.

* * *

Kanda was nervous. This would only be the second time Allen was coming over to his home and the first time that Kanda would actually care. He wanted things to go well. Allen had well and truly grown on him and he didn't want to re-experience that hole of loneliness in his chest that Lenalee couldn't full, no matter how much she wished she could.

He had spent over an hour picking out which clothes he would wear (if his clock was to believed). It wasn't because he wanted to look good for Allen, like he had a schoolboy crush. At least, not completely.

Kanda felt that one of the biggest reasons for his hackles rising with Allen was that the other man sometimes made him feel looked down upon. Allen hovered and walked on eggshells like he was babysitting Kanda and since he wanted things to go better this time, he didn't want even something small to get in the way. Perhaps he thought that showing he could put together a good looking outfit even though he was blind would provide proof of his capabilities to take care of himself. He was a grown adult, but sometimes it seemed like Allen forgot that.

Kanda really didn't know what colors looked good with what or how he looked in things, but he decided he would just have to make an educated guess. In the end, he ended up with a dark pair of jeans and a navy T-Shirt with matching, extra large buttons.

His father had come by to check on him sometime after he finished changing. He'd complimented Kanda, as he usually did, and Kanda feigned his usual indifference, but he was glad to hear it at the moment. It was a good confidence booster, if nothing else.

Before leaving, his father surprised Kanda by quickly getting up in his face. It was uncomfortable, feeling his presence and his breath on his face, even if Kanda couldn't see him. Kanda went to bark at him to get out of his personal space, his usual reaction when his father tried to get closer to him.

Before he could, Tiedoll carefully grabbed at the front of his shirt at undid the top two buttons and then stepped back. "Why did you do that?" Kanda asked calmly, he was working on some anger management.

"It looks better like this." His father spoke, his voice less thoughtful than usual, more in the moment. "Best to look good for your boyfriend." He added playfully, fleeing the room before his son could respond.

"Damn that old geezer." Kanda seethed, glaring in the direction of the doorway. "Can't stand him." Sighing to himself in exasperation, Kanda brought his long fingers to the undone buttons and made to close them again, but something stopped him.

 _Looks better like this._ Did he really? His father had sounded so sincere when he said it, making Kanda want to . . .

He lowered his hands to his sides, leaving the shirt be.

 **(Allen)**

If there was anything at all that Allen was good at, it was studying and working. He'd never had to do research to hang out with someone before, but he wasn't surprised that Kanda was the exception. What he'd discovered during his reading was a plethora of potential landmines, some of which he'd already stepped on.

 _Sighted does not equal superior,_ One website had said. _Sometimes sighted people like to tell me how to dress and present myself in a condescending tone. I can't see what I look like, but that doesn't mean I don't have my own sense of self, identity and image. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it, but generally, I prefer compassion._

Luckily, Allen hadn't said much on Kanda's clothing yet, aside from not knowing how Kanda chose what to wear without help. And he wouldn't say anything on their date. Ignore it, ignore the blindness. Well, not _ignore_ , but he's Kanda. Just Kanda. That temperamental guy you met at work before you knew he was blind.

He would make this work! Allen felt determination well up inside him. He knew better this time and he wouldn't make Kanda uncomfortable this time.

He would show him some respect.


	18. A First Date

" _ **Date: Today. To Do: Be Awesome." - (Allen)**_

" _ **I'm still wearing the smile you gave me." - (Kanda)**_

" _ **Anywhere with you is a great place for me." - (Both)**_

* * *

 **(Kanda)**

Kanda paced the living room endlessly. He wasn't even sure how long he did it for, just that holed himself up in his art studio some time after Kanda had started his pacing. He knew he should stop, but it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Then there was a knock on the door.

Navigating his way to the door, Kanda called out to see who it was. If it wasn't Allen, then he wasn't about to let a stranger into his home.

"It's Allen, I'm here for our date." He sounded worried, like he was going to be turned away right then. Feeling better about his own apprehension at that observation, Kanda opened the door and invited Allen in.

The two men sat down on the couch, an oppressive silence ensued. Kanda didn't really know what he was supposed to say and it seemed like he wasn't the only one.

A few more silent moments passed before Kanda got fed up. _Screw it!_ He wasn't going to bother finding the right words. Empty platitudes were platitudes, at least.

"So where are we going?" Kanda asked, turning in Allen's direction. Kanda rather expected that they would go out to lunch and take a walk through the park. It seemed like something Allen would think of.

"I was hoping we could go to see a movie." Allen surprisingly replied.

Kanda felt his eyes widen, he hadn't expected that, but he decided not to say anything about that. The more Kanda considered the idea, the more excited he got. It'd actually been a while since he'd gone out to see a movie, normally he just watched movies at home.

"What kind of movies are they showing?" Kanda inquired.

At this, Allen's voice got really excited. It reminded Kanda of how he sounded when they first met and Allen was trying to get his attention. It felt nice.

"There's actually this small movie theater right by my college I've never been to before. We have to go in to see what movies they offer, but from what I can tell, they offer a nice mix of new, popular and old movies. So there's probably something we'll want to see. How does that sound?" All of this was said in one breath, the man too excited to keep it all in.

Kanda felt his lips twitch up into a smile and the next words he said were the complete and honest truth. "That sounds great."

It was a bit of a walk to the theater and it took them to an area Kanda didn't know very well, but not knowing the layout of the street he was walking didn't bother him as much as it usually would, he trusted Allen to keep him on the right path.

By the time they passed Allen's college (a moment Allen pointed out to him), they were in a place with much less mainstream shops, so there were fewer people in the streets. Kanda decided he would have to spend more time here if there was always so few people walking around.

The less attention he had to dedicate to not running into people he couldn't see who apparently couldn't be bothered to move out of the way, the better.

"We're here." Allen eventually stated, audibly excited.

Allen's hand firmly wrapped around Kanda's own and Kanda felt himself be pulled into the building. Allen proceeded to lead Kanda along straight across the room.

Just as Kanda was about to ask Allen what he was doing, the other man pulled them to a stop. Kanda's senses told him they'd stopped close to a wall. _Huh._

Almost as if reading his mind, Allen began to explain himself.

"This wall, right here, has a row of interactive posters on it, each of a different movie they show here. There's a button at the bottom of each one and I think you're supposed to press it to hear about the movie." Allen reasoned, thoughtfully.

Kanda snickered lightly as he pictured Allen in a pose similar to how his father described The Thinker. Allen lifted their still connected hands and asked, Can I show you?", to which Kanda merely responded with a nod. He knew, for no discernable reason, that Allen was looking at him.

It wasn't that he felt the man's eyes on him or anything, he just . . . knew it.

That conundrum was pushed aside as Kanda felt his hand be pressed against the button. Pressing it harder, now that he knew where it was, Kanda listened as the poster's mechanical voice began to describe Casa Blanca to him.

The two continued down the row of movie posters in that way. A few times, Kanda tried to settle on movies that only mildly interested him. However, Allen could tell, almost as if he were psychic, that each movie Kanda stopped at weren't really ones he wanted to watch.

It had to be some sixth sense, because Kanda was sure his tone didn't give away what he was thinking. Allen remained adamant that Kanda should choose and that he should only choose something he was legitimately interested in.

Then they came to a movie called Fight Club. That was interesting. Kanda had heart numerous references to the apparently popular movie in other movies and TV shows, but he hadn't actually seen it. Sensing that Kanda liked this one, Allen brought Kanda to the snack register and asked him to buy their treats and then went to buy their tickets.

The real surprise for Kanda came when the two settled down for the movie. They managed to get through those ceaseless, endless commercials for other movies that Kanda always hated as theaters. As the sound quieted and the first dialogue of the movie started, Kanda realized there was something off about it.

" _The narrator, a 20-something man named Jack, has a gun in his mouth. Sweat dripped off his forehead._ People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden." The screen spoke.

Did . . . did the movie just straight up describe the main character's age and appearance? That couldn't be part of the movie. "What was that?" Kanda couldn't help but whisper to Allen, even as the movie continued on.

"Well," Allen replied with a smile in his voice. "I know you can get the gist of what's happening by listening to the movie and you can still enjoy it even if you don't know all of what's going on, but I wanted you to enjoy this movie to the fullest, so I found this place."

"This place?" Kanda queried.

"Their website was pretty primitive, could barely get more than the business number and address on it, but I found more information on this place on other websites. This movie theater popped up several times when I looked up theaters that offer audio descriptions of their movies."

Kanda felt his eyes widening of their own accord. The theater had audio descriptions for their movies, similarly to Netflix, his date didn't just stumble upon it. He'd researched it, sought it out. Allen had put careful thought into where they were going for their date. Kanda's heart warmed incredibly, his heart beating steadily faster.

Kanda opened his mouth to say something else. What exactly he wanted to say, he didn't really know. However, what his words would have remained unsaid anyway. Allen put his hand on Kanda's arm and gently hushed him, indicating that he should get back to watching the movie.

Normally, Kanda would be incensed by being told what to do. He had a genuinely hard time even taking instruction from his father, but as time being with Allen passed, it got easier to be less combative. Kanda turned his attention back to the movie, ignoring the way his lips twitched upwards.

Somewhat surprisingly for Kanda, their date didn't end with the movie. Allen immediately asked him if he wanted to go out to lunch, which he did and so Allen led him out onto the street, insisting that he knew the perfect place.

In light of the fact that Allen had thought about what Kanda might need or want and went to find a place that could provide it, Kanda had little doubt that he did know the perfect place.

The happy coupled headed down the street, with Kanda thinking about the movie and Allen going on about how great it was. Kanda had really enjoyed the movie even though it wasn't the kind of thing he'd usually watch and Allen's excited chatter analyzing different aspects of the movie was endearing rather than irritating.

It hadn't escaped his notice that he'd spent almost the entire day with Allen smiling, but he wasn't about to make a big deal out of it. Their early dinner, which is probably what it was, turned out to be a surprise to Kanda, just like every other part of their date.

Kanda's date took him to a restaurant that prided themselves on serving food from all over the world. Allen didn't say why he chose this place and why it was perfect, but he didn't need to.

Kanda and Allen knew each other personalities very well and they were starting to learn more about each other, but they didn't know enough about their taste in food to know what the other might like to eat.

In a place that offers dishes from all over the world was bound to have dishes they both liked and Kanda had displayed an interest in some Japanese things, so they would be covered if that extended to food. Allen and Kanda both ordered from the Japanese section of the menu, with Allen ordering mitarashi dango and Kanda getting his favorite soba.

"I've never had dango before." Allen casually said, raising the skewered dumplings to his lips. Kanda stared at the blissed-out expression that overtook Allen's face at his first bite.

Allen then dove into the sugary treat, shoveling it down, resulting in Kanda being forced to hide his laughter in his soba. _Silly Moyashi . . ._

It had been several hours since the two took to the streets and it was getting late so they both headed back to Kanda's home with full stomachs and wide smiles. Kanda savored the walk and so discussed any number of unimportant things with Allen, just enjoying his company and his voice.

"I'd love to come inside." Allen said when they got to Kanda's door. "But I have school tomorrow, so I really can't stay." He sounded just as disappointed by that as Kanda did, so Kanda didn't feel too bad about it.

There was a short silence and then Kanda felt Allen move slowly moved into his personal space. Kanda had plenty of time to move, but chose to stay where he was and was rewarded with a light kiss on his lips.

Before they could devolve into making out like teenagers, whatever that entailed, Allen pulled back.

"When are you free next?" Allen asked and if that wasn't a request for a follow up date, Kanda didn't know what was.

"You don't have school Friday, right?"

Allen affirmed. "Friday?"

"Friday." Kanda smiled, stepping up to the front door of his house. Giving Allen one last smile and feeling he was being given one as well, Kanda opened the door and disappeared inside.

Kanda slid the door shut behind him and the young man could hear the sound of Allen's footsteps as he walked away,a smile fixed on his face.

"Yu, can I speak with you a moment?" His father's quiet and morose voice asked as he peeked out from the kitchen.

The man's usual boundlessly jolly face was serious and shadowed, it immediately set Kanda on edge.

Tiedoll disappeared back into the kitchen and, with a new sense of apprehension taking the place of his previous joy, Kanda followed.


	19. Repercussions - Tokusa's Interlude

" _ **Nobody is the villain of their own story. We're all the heroes of our own stories."**_ **\- George R. R. Martin** (Tokusa)

* * *

"Are you sure?" Tokusa demanded.

"Yeah, I'm sure, I saw it." Madarou nodded.

"That Asian guy Allen said he was babysitting was with him and they were on a date. It was a dare, I know it. They were too close to each other, too relaxed, too happy." The young man informed his friend.

"I see." Tokusa stated simply, just loud enough for Madarou to hear him. He paused deliberately before continuing. "It seems Allen got himself a boyfriend. Either it's a secret boyfriend or just one he doesn't want us to know about."

"Which amounts to about the same thing." Madarou muttered angrily. If Tokusa had to guess, he'd say Madarou was probably angry that someone he thought of as a friend thought to hide their significant other from him.

He probably wasn't thinking of the fact that just last week, they were picking on that same guy, which logically gave Allen ample reason not to trust them with him. Really, that experience had been a joke and a half.

Tokusa and the group tended to be polite to everyone regardless of how much stress life or school gave them. So, whenever Tokusa found a nobody to harmlessly let out some steam on, he did it, with some of the group joining in and the rest just watching.

He really hadn't expected Allen to step in, much less know the person. Really, what were the odds that the person he just happened be unloading on wouldn't be _as much_ of a nobody as he'd initially thought.

Tokusa and the rest of the group were normally polite to people or at least not antagonistic. This did not, however, reflect their own feelings towards others as most members of their group somewhat looked down on other people as below them or at least below their notice.

Tokusa, in particular, was aware of how much bile and vitriol he often wished he could spew freely, of how much disdain he generally had for other people. He knew this about himself and accepted it.

Tokusa had had an excellent father growing up. He had always taught Tokusa the importance of looking good to most people.

He had been taught from a young age that there were advantages to having people think of him as a polite young man. A good reputation could be used to your advantage, while a bad reputation could be detrimental to your aspirations.

Now that he was in college, these lessons meant more to him than they already did. Majoring in political science, Tokusa hoped to be a successful politician just like his father. Keeping a clean reputation would become very important when he hit the political scene and people started to look into his past; his grades, his friends and how he treated people.

His political aspirations were the reason why he started his little group of friends to begin with. An exclusive group group of overachievers with intelligent minds and high grades, with him as the leader. It was such an appealing thought that he couldn't help but act on it.

They'd all been outcasts when Tokusa recruited them, giving him a strategic advantage in convincing them to join up with him.

Some of his friends had been outcasts of their own making, being unapproachable or wholly uninterested in social networking with their peers, like Link, who had always been more interested in reading and taking notes than in other people.

Tokusa could see how their peers might have felt he was unsettling and, even when hanging out in their group, Link often seemed like his attention was not all there.

Allen and Tewaku were a different animal entirely. Their situations were more that they were ostracized by their peers for one reason or another rather than that they weren't social or approachable.

Tewaku had been all too easy. She had basically been the victim of every mean girls trope in every movie, a group of selfish twits who were envious that anyone should have a thing they don't. They viciously beat her down until she could no longer rise back up on her own.

In Tewaku's case, it was probably her good looks and bubbly nature that set them off, made them want to target her.

Naturally, the rest of her school had just jumped on the bandwagon because the masses were stupid and had a pack mentality, driving them to do things just because their peers were doing those bit at the first signs of blood in the water, even if they had no quarrel with the person they were biting.

Even though Tokusa felt that her mind and personality had become weaker due to the harassment, people could come back from this sort of thing. However, more often than not, they would need help to un-crush their spirit and help was something Tokusa was eager to provide.

Tewaku was bubbly, easy going and friendly. So saying, she always liked to have friends and when Tokusa met her, she was also desperate for support. Tokusa offered both. It took a long time to get her back to what she once was, almost a year of constant effort from Tokusa and the rest of their group, but it paid off in the end.

Spending time under Tokusa's tutelage had her not only back to being the social and upbeat person she had been, but also had her gaining a new bookwormish aspect to her personality. She was everything Tokusa had hoped she would be.

She went above and beyond what was asked of her, began to successfully ace all her classes and remained unwaveringly loyal to Tokusa and, by extension, their group. His dad had been right, after all; put in all the effort you want only if you are sure that whatever you get out of it will be worth it. Tokusa considered it a success, he now had a new elite member for their group.

While helping Tewaku through her crisis was difficult, gaining her trust and her friendship was easy. In comparison, Allen was the hard one.

Tokusa still didn't know much about the intelligent young man's upbringing because Allen didn't like to talk about them and even when Allen was being bullied by his schoolmates, he kept things to himself. The only images that Tokusa got of the situation were rumors he heard from the frightened and disgusted students at Allen's school.

A delinquent, they said. The general consensus seemed to be that Allen's parents had died in a car crash when Allen was either a baby or a young child. He was apparently given to his uncle who was known in their area for being a vile, gambling, womanizing drunkard.

Parents had whispered to their children behind closed doors that such a man could never raise a child properly. Years later, their whispers would pick up again, this time using the words "I was right".

The ostracizing had likely always been there for Allen, but it probably reached its peak in late middle school, with the stories that Allen, himself, was gambling, picking up promiscuous women and bringing them home and, most enraging to the population, he was stealing.

Plenty of people had called the police on the boy because they'd heard rumors that he'd stolen something or other. Several students had proclaimed proudly to their friends and Tokusa that their parents had been one of those to call the police on Allen. It seemed to them almost as a badge of honor.

Nothing ever came of it though, other than tormenting the silver haired boy. No matter how many times the police were called or harassed, no evidence of theft was ever found. None of them ever took note of the fact that he got the best grades in school. Tokusa wasn't about to overlook it, himself.

Allen had been opposed to getting to know Tokusa, wanting to be left alone. He was definitely the tough cookie, taking Tokusa over a year of seeking the boy out and doing Allen's activities with him before Allen even started wanting to hang out with Tokusa.

Even after they began to become friends, Tokusa realized that there would always be something different about Allen. He hadn't divulged much of his life to them. To this day, Tokusa still didn't know how much of the rumors he heard were true.

Allen had a mind of his own and was the only person besides Link he'd ever met who looked beyond his smile and amiable persona to see what he really felt. It was exhilarating and worrisome at the same time.

Tokusa had been working on getting all of their group into politics or something like it since each one had joined. Being able to see people's true characters, regardless of what they projected, was a gift Allen possessed. He would no doubt use it well while at Tokusa's side.

That is, if Tokusa could keep Allen by his side and there lay the problem.

Tokusa always felt he had to pay special attention to Allen for him to stay in the group, he always had been a drifter. Allen was doing it more now than ever, blowing off group commitments and being less interested in what the group was doing when they were out.

He'd managed to hide the worst of Allen's dissention from the others; wouldn't want his leadership to be questioned, after all. There was also the risk that others would follow Allen's lead and try to leave the group, even if that _was_ unlikely.

Perhaps it was time to get help from one of the other group members to keep Allen in line and Tokusa knew just the one.

"You're dismissed." Tokusa ordered Madarou, keeping his tone light.

Madarou looked as if he were going to say something, but then thought better of it. He nodded, turned around and left.

Tokusa watched him go and then pulled out his phone, typing in the number he had memorized. "Tewaku." Tokusa said, when the person answered. "I need you."


	20. A Father and Son

Kanda sat uncomfortably with his father at their kitchen table. His father had made a mug of green tea for each of them and plopped himself down in the seat across from Kanda's. Even though Kanda couldn't see his father, he could always tell what kind of expression the man had on and what kind of mood he was in.

It wasn't like with Allen, where Kanda could almost exactly imagine what the other man's face and expressions looked like. It was just that his father had an open, honest voice that laid bare exactly how he felt.

His tone was usually so indicative of how he was feeling that his exact facial features at the moment were practically a given. Right at that moment, Kanda was sure that his father's features were drawn in an unpleasant form, as if a huge weight was upon his shoulders.

Kanda wanted to say something, felt the burden to say something, but he just couldn't get his mouth to form words. Sure, he'd started branching out with Allen, but he was a beetle with its shell and that couldn't just . . . go away.

"Yu." Tiedoll finally started. Kanda felt his spine straighten unconsciously.

His father usually used his first name to create a sense of closeness between them. This tone made it feel . . . different, somehow.

Kanda listened to his father take in a breath, stop and breathe in again, something people did when they were going to say something, but then decide not to.

"I see you went on your date with the Walker boy." The elderly man seemed to be putting conscious effort into making making his voice sound light, but there seemed to be a heaviness to the question that Kanda simply couldn't understand.

"Yeah, I did. We went to the movies and then out to eat." He answered, tensely.

"It sounds like it went well." His father continued in the same tone as before.

"It did?" Kanda was so unsure where the conversation was going that he ended up phrasing the statement as a question.

"Good. That's good." The old man breathed out.

"Is it?" Kanda couldn't help but ask. His father certainly didn't seem to think it was a good thing.

"Yes, it is." Tiedoll spoke without hesitation. "I've always been worried about you, Yu."

See, that right there was why Kanda hated being called by his first name. In English, it always felt like someone was calling him "you". It was constantly uncomfortable.

"You worry about everything." Kanda replied.

"I worry about you more than anything." Tiedoll spoke soberly, making Kanda feel like something was caught in his throat. Do you remember what you did when I got your first caretaker?" He asked, calmly.

No, actually, Kanda couldn't. He remembered sitting, feeling lonely, while Road took advantage of his father's absence. He could remember that very well, but not what came before it.

Taking Kanda's silence as the confirmation that it was, his father continued. "I remember it well. Since I had adopted you, I worked from home and barely ever left the house. At the time, I'd decided that you'd finally gotten old enough to be left with a caretaker while I returned to attending gallery openings to promote my work and make connections.

I got Ms. Kamelot. She seemed like such a sweet and attentive girl. Certainly excitable, perfect for someone taking care of a young child." There was a heavily weighted silence.

Each word had been laced with regret and it shocked Kanda. They hadn't talked about Road since she happened, Kanda refused to. _Hide from the pain . . ._

He knew that his father had been downright furious at Kanda's first caretaker and shouldered some of the blame for hiring her, but this was to a degree that Kanda had in no way expected. This sounded like a man who had languished in the repercussions of his actions. Who had heartily lamented his choices in life.

This was someone who'd thought long and hard about themselves . . . and had been left wanting. This was not what came to mind when Kanda thought of his father. Absolutely not.

A thought slipped into Kanda's mind, slipping and writhing into place like a snake. Could it be that his father had been just as affected by what Road had done as Kanda was? Had he felt just as betrayed? Kanda had assumed at the time that his dad's immediate jump to hire another assistant for Kanda had been due to a lack of emotional distress about the situation.

Now, Kanda considered that it might have been his way of trying to move on and leave the hurt behind him. Admittedly, Kanda was the one who liked to hold onto hurt more than get rid of the negative feelings. Perhaps that was all his father was doing, moving on.

" All I have ever done," A wrinkly hand settled on Kanda's own. "Has been for you. I made decisions only for what I thought was in your best interests."

"I know that." He's always known that, even if he didn't always agree with the choices themselves. The old man didn't have a malicious bone in his body . . . unless someone tried to hurt Kanda.

He never did find out what happened to Road in the aftermath of her betrayal, but it could not have been good. His dad didn't often get lawyers involved in his spats, but he still had a small team of them.

Kanda's response caused a strong note of silence. It had just settled into uncomfortable for the young man when his father's somber voice quietly filled the room. "I miss the way we were before."

 _How we were before?_ What did he mean?

"Remember when I asked if you remembered your reaction when I got your first caretaker?"

Kanda nodded.

"I'd never left the house without you before that, much less gone to work for several hours. When I first told you I was going to stay with someone else who would take care of you for me, you were so upset.

You clung to me, sobbing and refusing to let me leave you, saying you needed me and that I couldn't go. It took so long for you to calm down that you basically exhausted yourself crying. I had to carry you to your bed so you could sleep. When you woke up, you were still so upset that I had to make some hot chocolate to help you relax."

Kanda could now hear the sad smile in his dad's voice. "We sat right here, much the same way we are now, with our hot chocolate and talked about how change could be a good thing."

Kanda's mind was left reeling from the information. He'd cried? He'd clung? Acted like the frightened, upset child he'd been at the time. He hadn't known, hadn't remembered. His dad's tone left no doubt that he wasn't just making things up or exaggerating.

Still, Kanda could hardly believe it. Sure, his memories from childhood could be considered spotty, but he really didn't remember ever acting that way or even being that close to his dad. Yet, he had to have been close to the man as a child to feel comfortable crying on him.

How many scenes like that had they had in his childhood? How many bonding experiences had he forgotten? How many? At the moment, his dad's hand was the only thing grounding Kanda, keeping him from potentially having an emotional breakdown. How could he forget all this?

"I waited . . ." Kanda croaked out, vaguely aware that his strong body was trembling. "I waited for you to stop hiring them, to realize it was making me miserable and come home. I waited, but it never happened."

Tiedoll had only stopped hiring replacements when Kanda was well and truly old enough to take care of himself.

His dad's voice was even heavier with grief when he spoke again. "Yu . . . you know that I didn't do what I did because I didn't love you. I thought you needed to learn that I couldn't be with you every hour of every day. You needed to be able to work with people . . . I didn't mean to ruin our relationship in the process." The last part was said just above a whisper.

 _You didn't ruin our relationship, I did._ Kanda thought for the first time ever. Kanda surprised himself with this thought. He'd spent so long being angry at his father for the past.

After just one talk, almost all of the anger was gone and the young man just wasn't sure what to do with himself. All he could think of was . . .

Kanda's hand flipped over and wound tightly around the aged hand above it. Kanda tried to pour all of his feelings into the hold, desperately trying to comfort his dad.

For once, Kanda Kanda voiced what was on his mind. "Can-can you tell me more about how we were . . . before?" Kanda asked, feeling more comfortable with his vulnerability than he had in a long time and he couldn't shake the feeling that this wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for Allen.

Tiedoll's hand tightened around his son's. "Of course, Yu." He said, his voice overflowing with happiness.


	21. Allen's View

Allen walked around school in a daze. This must have been what people were talking about when they said that they were walking on cloud nine, because it certainly didn't feel like he was on solid ground.

The date with Kanda went great and it could have surprised no one more than Allen. He'd been so nervous when planning the date and that only got worse in the hours leading up to the date. He'd done more reading on the blind to understand how Kanda felt, but that didn't mean things couldn't go wrong.

Would he still say something to upset the other man? He didn't want to. Despite himself, Allen kept wanting the date to go perfectly, even though he knew nothing could ever be _perfect_. Yet, that day had been pretty damn close.

When Allen got to the house and Kanda opened the door, the other man's behavior made it seem like he really did want their relationship, this time. Right from the start, Allen felt _wanted_. He found himself distracted by Kanda's eyes. They were just a striking as when he first saw them, with the added bonus that they really seemed to be looking right at him this time.

It didn't feel like they were looking through him or right beside him. Kanda was looking at him and seeing him, as striking as their blue hue. It made something flare up in the pit of his stomach.

He was so caught up in what his rational mind sternly told him was a one-sided staring contest, that he couldn't be sure of what happened next. Still, a part of him continued to tell Allen that for a moment, just a moment, Kanda smiled at him. Allen didn't see Kanda's father when he picked Kanda up, which was too bad; he'd liked the kindly old man when they met.

The night had only gotten better from there. He'd managed to keep exactly where they were going a secret without annoying Kanda into demanding that they go back (another somewhat unreasonable worry Allen had had beforehand).

The movie theater wasn't as large as a lot of others in NY. It was smaller, in a less popular (though not barren) shopping district and it was obvious where most of their budget went. Not that the place was hard to look at; it wasn't. The owner was definitely a creative individual.

The domineering colors in the theater's design, unlike the typical red and gold of these kind of establishments, were cream and royal purple; a rather unusual combination to Allen. It gave the place a more unique and excitable energy.

Lining the wall nearest the door were interactive posters representing the movies that were showing. They were posted on the wall like individual television monitors. Each had a movie name and advertisement, just like movie posters, with a button and speakers located under the picture.

Allen was so excited to see if Kanda liked the place that he quickly led Kanda right over to the posters. Hand-in-hand with his date, Allen explained what he was seeing to Kanda. Using their entwined hands, Allen helped his date locate and press the button. This was the moment when he found out just how much Kanda had decided to try to make them work.

Sadly, he was going about it the wrong way. Kanda was trying not to be picky by choosing just any movie to watch when Allen handed the decision over to him. That wasn't what Allen wanted. He wanted their relationship to continue and grow stronger, but not at the cost of what made them who they were.

Walking through the halls of his school the day after, Allen Walker still couldn't say how he knew that Kanda was just choosing whatever he came across to be agreeable. If someone had asked, he'd have told them that was because Kanda chose the movie too quickly for it to be genuine, but it would only have been a cover.

Really, it was just the feeling he got.

The other man had impressive control over his facial features and tone, so they couldn't be blamed for tipping Allen off. He wondered if being blind aided in keeping his features so blank, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask. He felt stupid not knowing if something was insensitive, but he had limited experience with the blind and Kanda. Maybe he should take some kind of sensitivity class later . . .

What he _did_ know was that he expected to feel something when Kanda chose a movie. He'd grown used to these secondary emotions in the back of his head that the lack of them was actually more noticable. He'd come to the realization that these feelings were most likely Kanda's, considering what he felt and when he felt the foreign emotions.

He wasn't sure what his date's secondhand excitement was supposed to feel like, but all he got was a bland, unemotional response to the first movie. It was his only tip-off that Kanda wasn't really interested in the movie he chose. Allen wouldn't allow it and continued to encourage his date to choose a movie he actually liked.

Kanda really did choose one that interested him and Allen felt the long awaited emotions filter over to his own end. Intrigue and curiosity, this was something he could work with. Allen had to hold back his amused laughter at the fact that the movie Kanda chose was Fight Club.

Allen's mood only brightened further when the movie started playing. The happiness and surprise, tinged with gratefulness when Kanda realized that this showing was geared specifically for the blind was almost too much for him. Had no one ever done something like this for them, he wondered. Was that why he was so grateful to be brought to this specific theater?

That sobering thought aside, the pair had fun. They both liked the movie and they absolutely loved the restaurant. They were both able to order their favorites and enjoyed a lively conversation, where they learned more about each other. They even shared a few bites of their favorite meals with each other.

Even the end of the date was _just perfect_. Allen thought it might've ended on a disappointed note, because he still had to get some work done for school the next day and couldn't stay.

Instead, something amazing happened. He hadn't planned on it, it just happened. Allen moved into his date's personal space and gave Kanda a light kiss, which the other man responded to by pushing into it slightly.

Despite his desire to stay there, kissing Kanda for the entire for the entire rest of the day, he'd pulled back soon after initiating it so as not to overwhelm their still vulnerable relationship. Allen left soon after, but not before procuring a date for Friday. He couldn't wait and nothing after the date would come anywhere close to bringing down his mood.

The rest of the day and night passed uneventfully for Allen, with him finishing up some work for the next day . . . but more some reason, everything felt like more of an event. Maybe it was because of how spectacular the beginning of the day was or the knowledge that he would be going on another date with Kanda on Friday.

Even his classes the next day couldn't harsh his persistent buzz. Allen liked school and all, but he would never claim to be a fan of sitting in a room for several hours and listening to a disinterested professor droning on with a speech they'd used every semester for fifteen years. No thanks.

Still, he was riding on quite the high for the entire day.

It was just as he'd finished his last class of the day and as he was about to enter the cafeteria, a small hand was placed steadily on his shoulder, stopping him from going further. Spinning around in surprise, Allen came face-to-face with one of his friends.

Tewaku.

"Hey, what's up?" Allen greeted, surprised that she'd approached him in such a quiet manner instead of calling out to him loudly from wherever she was when she first saw him.

"Allen." She greeted, grimley. "Can we talk?"

That's when he noticed that Tewaku seemed upset by something. Now worried, Allen nodded his assent to her request and uncomfortably followed his friend as she disappeared into the college cafeteria.


	22. Advice

" _ **Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the longer it sinks into the mind." Samuel Taylor Coleridge**_

" _ **Follow your heart, but bring your brain with you." Tirza Roemokoy**_

" _ **Never dull your pain for someone else." - Tyra Banks**_

* * *

Tewaku sat across from Allen at a lunch table in their college cafeteria. Neither of them said anything, but they continued to stare at each other, both waiting for the other to say something. It was the single most awkward moment of his entire life.

Eventually, Tewaku spoke. "I'm sorry."

Just like that, whatever Allen had been thinking about ceased. All he could get out was, "What?" He really hadn't expected her to apologize and what was she even apologizing for?

"I'm sorry we're not as close as we used to be."

Allen really didn't have a response to that, what could he say? They'd been the closest two in their group, even though Allen was more similar in mind and temperament to Tokusa.

Sadly, he started to drift away from what could have been his one true friend when he started wanting to pull from the group. He'd never really learned how to keep in contact with one person while cutting so many more out of his life. Besides, he sort of thought of Tewaku and the group as a package deal.

A small hand slid over his own. Allen's grey-blue eyes looked up into Tewaku's.

"We used to tell each other all our secrets, holding nothing back." Her eyes looked uncharacteristically melancholy. "Why aren't we that close anymore?"

There was a pleading note in her voice, like she was willing him to give her an answer she could accept. He wished that he could.

Allen found his hand winding around Tewaku's. A poignant sense of guilt, the likes of which he had not felt in a long time, settled in Allen's stomach.

When she didn't receive an acceptable answer, Tewaku hesitantly continued. "Have I been a bad friend?" Her voice was quiet, vulnerable.

"No!" Allen cried out, his voice rising unconsciously in his desperation to dispel that kind of thinking from his old friend's mind. He couldn't let her think that!

Paying absolutely no mind to their peers in the lunchroom who glanced at him at his outburst, Allen kept his gaze on Tewaku's vulnerable face. "No, you haven't been a bad friend, Twilly."

Allen realized, as the word passed his lips, that his old pet name for his friend now felt foreign on his lips. Had it been so long since he'd used it? "I've just been distracted, thinking about what I went out of life, once I graduate." The feeble excuse left a bitter taste on his tongue.

Yet, Tewaku looked a mixture of relieved and surprised at his words. "I thought you wanted to be a lawyer. You're studying to be a prosecuting attorney, aren't you?"

 _But I've never been passionate about it._ Allen wanted to say. _I'm not sure what I'm passionate about yet, but I know it isn't that. I just chose it because of Tokusa's suggestion._

Truly, there was never a time when Allen had been passionate about being a lawyer, but there was a time when he thought he might be content with it . . . back when he still listened to Tokusa. If he followed that career path, he'd have money, prestige and surely a family would follow, one that would be the envy of all his business associates.

He'd have everything he didn't have while growing up and he would make sure that his children would, as well. He would give them all the love and all the things he didn't have. Tokusa and the group would all go into law or politics and with most of them being ambitious in nature, he would be given the security of having friends in high places.

It all sounded so perfect. And clinical.

"I'm just not sure it interests me anymore." Allen answered as truthfully as he could.

"Is that your . . . boyfriend's influence?" Tewaku settled on the term after hesitating on what Kanda was to Allen. At Allen's shocked look, she added, "I remember that you said you were babysitting that guy a while back, but you seemed closer than that and you've been looking like you enjoy all the time you spend with him."

Sound reasoning, Allen supposed. He hadn't realized he'd been that transparent with his emotions. Though they'd only gone on one date, Allen didn't correct her assumption of Kanda being his boyfriend.

As for her question, Allen didn't have to do much thinking on his answer. "Yes."

There was something about just knowing Kanda and his father that allowed Allen to take a step back and look at his situation without getting too close to it.

Tiedoll was an artist, a career that Tokusa wouldn't hesitate to say was a waste of time and a "hippie job". Allen could admit the man had a somewhat hippie-ish vibe to him, but he clearly made a good amount of money, as evidenced by their home and the things inside it.

To have such a large home and high end furnishings while living in New York City . . . well. No one Allen had ever met was able to manage it, save for Tokusa's family, but they didn't even live in New York.

Then, there was Kanda. Allen had noticed that Kanda used money flippantly, like it meant nothing to him. Probably because it did mean nothing to him. It didn't even seem to make him happy and Allen couldn't help but revise how he thought about his dream life.

Would he really be happy with money and a magazine cut-out family? Because Allen closed his eyes and saw Kanda and their adopted children beside him. He still imagined himself a lawyer (he couldn't see himself as an artist), but Kanda honestly didn't seem the type to want to marry a lawyer. If their relationship did last, he would have to revise the way he'd been thinking about what he wanted.

But if he wouldn't be a lawyer or an artist, what would he be?

"Really?" Tewaku asked. Even though she introduced the idea, she looked quite surprised at Allen's quick admittance of Kanda's role in all this.

"He . . . has a way of changing how I look at things." Allen's eyes gazed off into the distance, a wide grin gracing his features at the thought of the other man.

"So it's true, then?" Tewaku asked interestedly, gazing at his expression curiously. "You're together?"

"We haven't really labeled it yet, but we have started dating, yes." Allen responded, hesitantly. To his everlasting mortification, he felt a strong blush creep up his neck and inflamed his cheeks.

Tewaku, for her part, didn't seem to know what to do with this information. Part of her seemed pleased with Allen's blush and obvious happiness in his relationship with Kanda, while a part of her seemed disturbed for some reason. Allen didn't pay it much mind beyond idle curiosity; Tewaku was always known for her wild mood swings.

"So," She said, smiling brightly. "Tell me about your boyfriend. What's he like?" And thus began a long conversation where Tewaku asked all of her burning questions and Allen attempted to answer.

"It sounds like you two really go well together." Tewaku said, thoughtfully, after a while. "But it also sounds like you have some problems with each other." She sounded more morose as she said that.

"Well, yeah." Allen found himself admitting. "What relationships don't have their issues, especially since we just met not too long ago . . ."

"I know." Agreed Tewaku. "I was just thinking, while listening, that you two might have an uphill battle, in particular." Seeing the confused look Allen was sending her, she continued her explanation.

"Well, it looks to me like you two didn't have the best introduction to each other and from what I've seen of him and what you've told me about him, this Kanda person doesn't seem like he's the most agreeable."

Immediately, Allen began to feel defensive of Kanda. He wanted to tell Tewaku that she had the wrong idea about him, but she hadn't done anything wrong.

She'd just been making simple observations on what he'd told her, even if they sounded bad to him, that was all it was. He couldn't get defensive here, that was always his problem. "He's not, but he tries and he's been handed a bad lot in life."

"Oh, of course." Tewaku said, emphatically. "And it must be so hard for him to not see and that's part of the problem!"

"What do you mean?" Allen had to fight to keep his voice from rising. "I haven't exactly had it easy."

"Of course not!" Tewaku backtracked. "Neither of us have, but his experiences are different from our own. You can't honestly say you know what it's like to be blind. You haven't even been trained to work with disabled people. How would you know what he needs?" Allen ignored the fact that he'd thought the same things to himself at some point.

"He doesn't need someone to anticipate his needs." Allen argued.

"But don't you think he deserves it?" Tewaku shot back. Unwillingly, Allen's mind fell back to when Lenalee gave him the advice to bend bills for Kanda so the man could tell them apart.

"He does deserve it." Allen replied, his tone softer than he'd intended. "I'm learning more about Kanda and his lifestyle and I've been putting into practice information I find online."

Tewaku paused, thinking it over. "And you believe that's enough?" She asked, her tone making her opinion on the matter obvious.

"Yes?" He didn't know why the response sounded more like a question than an answer.

Tewaku looked like she wanted to say something, but stopped for some reason and gave him one of her bright smiles. "Well, he's your boyfriend, so I guess you'd know him better than me."

She slung her bag over her shoulder and got up from the table. "Well, I have to go off to class. We should meet up alone again some time, I've missed our talks. Anyways, good luck with your boyfriend!" She called cheerfully over her shoulder.

And, in a flash, Tewaku left the lunchroom, leaving a quiet Allen behind with much to think about.


	23. Resurfacing Memories

" _ **The only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does." Unknown**_

" _ **The worst feeling in the world is knowing that you've been used and lied to by someone you trusted." Unknown**_

" _ **Betrayal is the only truth that sticks." - Arthur Miller**_

* * *

" _But, Daddy, I don't want you to go!" Kanda cried, grabbing onto the end of his dad's shirt, like it would keep the man from leaving._

 _He knew it wouldn't. Kanda was only eight years old, but he knew the adult would go, no matter what he wanted._

" _Yu, it will only be for a short time. I'll get back into work slowly, my boy. Just two days a week and five hours a day, to start." Kanda felt his dad kneel in front of him and place his large hands on the young boy's shoulders._

 _His father's voice was soft and kind, as it always was. Unwillingly, Kanda felt his anxiety seep out of himself at the sound of his father's comforting him._

" _I'll be back for you before you know it." His dad continued. "And when I get back, we'll have fun together."_

 _Kanda heard the laughter and excitement in his dad's tone and it was infectious. The stubborn little boy wanted to stand his ground, but a smile still stretched across his face. Kanda rarely stopped smiling around his dad, which was why he didn't want him to leave._

 _The boy felt himself be drawn into a hug by his father. In response to his thought about his loving parent, Kanda's little hands unconsciously clung harder to his dad's shirt._

" _Hey . . . Hey, now." His dad cooed. "I thought you liked Road."_

 _Kanda sniffed. He did like Road. He'd only met her once, when she was asking about the job position, but she seemed nice. Her voice was high, but not annoyingly so._

 _She was younger than the doddering old people Kanda had imagined would apply. She was also filled with so much energy that Kanda could almost imagine her bouncing right off the walls. He could admit that he was kind of excited to play with her. The boy sniffled again._

" _I'll see you soon?" He asked, sadly._

" _Yes. Yes, of course, Yu." His father reassured, his hand rubbing his son's back._

 _Kanda's hesitation left when Road blew in, like an excitable puff of cotton candy and exclaimed, "Hey, Honey! Ready to have some fun?"_

 _And there was no other reply Kanda could think of, besides, "Yeah!"_

" _Are you sure this will work?" Kanda asked Road as he laid down in his bed._

" _Nope, but it's worth a try, isn't it? Why? Don't you like it?" She asked, beginning to tie the blindfold over his eyes._

" _No. It's actually pretty relaxing. I guess it's worth a try, but do I really need a blindfold?" The boy asked, relaxing his body, as he always did._

" _I know you don't need it, but it'll help you focus on the music by getting you into the right mindset. I think." She assured him, placing the headphones over Kanda's ears._

 _Relaxing music played through the speakers at a very loud volume. He doesn't even hear Road leave the room and close the door, but he knew that she did._

 _The headphones were carefully lifted away from Kanda. At first, the boy thought it was Road coming to get him when his relaxing time was done, but . . . she was usually a bit rougher when removing them, just about yanking them away._

 _Once the headphones were off, Kanda heard heavy breathing, like the one there with him was upset about something, and he recognized who it was. "Dad?" Kanda questioned in shock, as he felt the blindfold over his eyes loosen and pull away._

" _Hello, Yu." His father's tender voice greeted him, a dreary note to the older man's usually upbeat voice._

" _Is something wrong, Dad? You're home early." Kanda asked unsurely, his eyebrows furrowing._

 _His father didn't ask for a moment, large hand moving to rest on Kanda's head and drag comfortingly through his boy's hair. Something told Kanda that the movements were more to comfort his father than for himself. Then his dad sighed._

" _Yu . . ." His father started. "It's about Road . . ."_

" _Don't worry, Yu. This one will be different." Tiedoll said, hugging his stiff son to him. He sounded a lot more confident in the words than Kanda was._

 _Finding out what Road had done, how she's used him . . . none of his father's words could penetrate the hard shell of sadness and disappointment that had started to form from the horrid experience._

" _Okay." Kanda said simply._

 _He'd argued with his father against hiring someone else, fearing another Road. He'd resisted the idea for days as best he could._

 _His dad was angry and upset about what happened with Road and he was sympathetic to his son's arguments, but still thought he should go back to work and so he would have to hire someone to look after Kanda while he was gone. He couldn't very well leave his son home alone._

 _Kanda had never met this new person, but they'd been described to him by his dad. Tyki, his name was, a slightly older man who was more refined than Road and was actually very different from her in many ways._

 _Despite that, Kanda didn't feel too confident._

" _Yeah, old guy hired me to watch his stupid kid." Tyki chuckled to his female companion._

" _Should you really have brought him here?" The woman asked. "Won't you get fired for this?"_

 _Kanda's ears twitched like a wolf as he listened to the conversation, while uncomfortably sat on the stool at the club that Tyki had plopped him down on. The young boy was completely silent as he stared off into the distance, listening to what Tyki was saying just a few feet away from him._

 _The boy thought to himself that this must be what giving up felt like. The disappointment was like a lead weight in the bottom of his stomach. Still, he could be vindictive and his father would most definitely know about this excursion by the end of the night._

 _They weren't even supposed to leave the house that day._

" _Dear, don't you want my help picking our clothes out?" Ms. Murphy asked, as she tried to help Kanda with his jacket._

" _No!" Kanda snapped angrily, violently smacking her hand away and leveling a glare at where he knew she was._

" _I don't need your help. I can do it on my own." Kanda paid no attention to the kindness and good intention in her voice._

 _All she was to him was an annoyance and an adult._

" _But surely you don't expect to be able to-" The voice came closer._

" _No! I can do it on my own!"_

" _Poor guy, it must be awful being blind."_

" _Don't bother feeling sorry for him, he's a jerk. Bumped into me earlier, because he couldn't see, and didn't even bother to apologize."_

" _Excuse me, Sir." A man's voice came from behind Kanda, as the young man took his change from the cashier._

" _What?" Kanda irritably questioned, as he turned to look behind him._

" _Sorry to bother, but I thought you should know . . . I think the cashier is taking advantage of you. I think you were supposed to get ten dollars back in change, but they gave you a five dollar bill only."_

 _Kanda's mood changed in an instant._

" _What!" He cried, looking back in the direction of the employee. It was at times like this that he really wished he could see the other person's expression. "Is that true?" He demanded angrily, having already decide that it was._

" _No, of course not! I did nothing of the sort, Sir!" The employee denied._

" _I don't believe you." Kanda ground out. "Where is your manager? I want to speak with them. I'll have them take a look at the camera footage! I know you have security cameras here!"_

 _Kanda bumped into someone in the street. It was something he'd been doing less and less as he began to get better at sensing other people and their movements, but it still happened on occasion._

" _Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alright?" The guy asked as Kanda passed by. Kanda kept on walking, neither looking the direction of the guy or even bothering to respond to him. All these people were the same in Kanda's eyes and had begun to be below notice._

 _They were just invisible people._

Kanda's eyes opened, greeted by darkness. Kanda blamed his father for this, it couldn't be a coincidence that he was reliving all these memories while he slept at night only after their heart to heart. It was hardly little, though, Kanda realized. It was the first real talk they'd had in years.

Idly, he wished he hadn't turned down his dad's offer for a phone, he really needed to hear from Allen. Reliving some of his worst memories made him want to talk to the other man about it. As well, all those memories that took place in darkness made Kanda yearn more for those moments when he could see things when he was with Allen.

He couldn't see things like tables or chairs, but just that strange figure. He still wasn't sure what was going on with that. Yet, without a phone, he would have to wait until Friday. Kanda had already been looking forward to seeing the other man at the end of the week, but even more so after his dream.

Friday couldn't come fast enough.


	24. Date Night

" _ **Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." - Mark Twain**_ (Kanda)

" _ **If you want to be light, you have to let go." Unknown**_ (Allen)

" _ **Distance doesn't separate people, silence does." Unknown**_ (Both)

* * *

The idea of not going back to Kanda's on Friday _had_ passed Allen's mind. He didn't want to stay away, he really didn't. It was just . . . what Tewaku said stuck with him. Kanda really did deserve someone who understood him better, but was kind of selfish.

No matter he might've agreed with some of the things she'd said, he didn't want to extract himself from Kanda's life and a big part of him wanted to believe that Kanda would be happier with him over anyone else. Maybe that was what got him over to Kanda's house on Friday evening.

When Kanda opened the door, he asked if Allen had an idea where they should go on their date. This time, Allen suggested they just take a nice walk in the park and do some shopping. You know, just have some fun together.

Allen's rather large perfectionist side wanted to do something elaborate and well-researched on every one of their dates, like he had something to prove and maybe he thought he did? However, his more pragmatic side recognized at the idea as exhausting himself trying to be perfect. That wasn't what he or Kanda needed. Kanda, though he clearly didn't expect the suggestion, seemed to like the idea.

They ventured around the park, thankfully not running into anyone Allen knew who might start something. Allen took to describing the scenery to Kanda and bringing him over to different trees and plants so he could touch and smell them. At one point, he found a pink flower and gently, with hands on his date's face, drew the other man down to smell the flower. Allen wanted Kanda to experience the environment, but he didn't want to pick it and cheapen the experience for someone else.

They continued to talk about any number of things as they did this, Allen doing most of it in the beginning in an effort to distract himself from the resonance of Tewaku telling him he wasn't what Kanda needed. Eventually, Allen's mind slowly began to turn to other things and Kanda took on more of a speaking role.

They took a break under the shade of a tall tree and Allen watched the world go by as they talked. "People look a lot like their dogs." Allen said at one point, watching the third person so far walk by with their pet.

"What?!" Kanda burst into surprised laughter.

"It's true!" Allen chuckled, the contagious laughter spreading to him. "You should see these people! There was a round woman wearing a white fur coat and walking her small, white pomeranian puppy and a tall, slim man with his thin, lanky hound. It was absolutely amazing to witness!"

Allen collapsed into a puddle of laughter and Kanda followed suit. He happily listened as Allen described how people could look like their animals and how he thought it must be a psychological thing, making Kanda laugh the entire time.

Eventually, they managed to pull themselves away from their spots underneath the tree to go peruse the nearby shops. Allen would often point out some of the stores as they walked by them, checking to see if they caught his date's interest. Occasionally, Allen would lightly pull Kanda into a store he liked.

He and Kanda would look at and play around with some of the things the stores sold. Kanda smirked when Allen told him that the cashier was giving them a nasty look after they made a mess of the toy section at one store. Both would vehemently deny that they left that store giggling. It was late by then, by the time they left the last shop and both men mutually decided to head back to Kanda's house.

The sun had set by the time they got back, the stars obscured by the lights of the city. Even if they could see them, they didn't have anywhere to lay out to look at them and Kanda still wouldn't be able to share in the experience with him. An idea struck Allen then and the man began to work out how he could go about accomplishing it.

"Mind if I stay here a while?" Allen asked as they made it to the door.

"Sure. Come in." Kanda responded, pulling a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door, heading inside and holding the door for the other man to enter. After Allen headed inside, he turned around and watched Kanda close and lock the door behind him. "I think my dad's asleep. Want to head up to my room or stay in the living room?" Kanda asked, walking towards him.

Allen felt a small smile tug at his lips at the trust displayed to him. It strengthened his resolve to be what the other man needed. "No, here's fine." Allen replied, slipping his shoes off and padding over to the couch in his socks. "Excuse me for a moment." He called over his shoulder to Kanda.

Allen made his way to the air conditioner jutting out from one of the living room walls. He turned it on full blast, allowing a gust of icy cold air to blow into the room. In his peripheral vision, Allen saw Kanda shiver at the change in temperature. His date wrapped his arms around himself to stave off the cold and stared at Allen in curiosity.

Turning his full attention back to his task, Allen started grabbing all the pillows he could find. There were several throw pillows on the couch, as well as on each of the chairs surrounding it, and the college student tossed them on the floor. There was a basket on the floor beside the couch that had a couple folded blankets placed inside it. He took these out and laid them all on the floor over the pillows.

"Come here." Allen stated clearly, holding out his hand to grab the other man when he came close enough.

Without argument, Kanda made his way over to Allen and, surprisingly enough, reached out and took his hand. Allen's breath caught at the action, it was as if the other man could actually see. Allen gently sat the both of them down on the bed of pillows and blankets he'd made.

It was when they were laying on their backs on the pile, staring up at the ceiling, that Kanda spoke again. "Not that I'm not having fun, but what are we doing?" The man's natural wit and snark were starting to make an appearance.

"One second." Allen replied, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his phone. With one hand, the other one still clinging to that of his date's, Allen unlocked his phone and searched for the perfect soundtrack for the situation.

He found the right one, clicked on it and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of crickets chirping. Allen twisted his body to reach and place his phone between them on the floor above their heads, then settled back to his previous position.

"What's that?" Kanda asked curiously, eyes wide.

"Crickets. Nighttime sounds in the country, supposedly." Allen answered, excitedly.

"Okay . . . why are we listening to it?" Kanda asked with a smile.

"I was thinking how sad it was that we couldn't lay outside and enjoy the night together, so I decided to simulate it. So, we're reclined together on the ground together enjoying a gentle breeze and the sound of crickets surrounding us. It's probably the closest either of us are going to get to seeing the stars." Allen smiled at him.

"Huh." Kanda replied thoughtfully and snuggled into the blankets. Allen graciously pretended he didn't see the other man's smile widen at his words.

"So, I take it you've never been out of the city?" Kanda asked, after a few moments.

"Not really. Most of my childhood was spent here, but I might have gone elsewhere when I was a baby." Allen allowed.

"Tell me about your family." Kanda found himself saying.

Surprised by the request, Allen paused for a moment. He considered refusing, he was sure Kanda would understand. He didn't want to talk about his life, but that wasn't fair to Kanda. He couldn't say no.

"My parents died when I was a baby . . . in a car crash." The young man took a deep breath. "I got a scar in the same crash. It goes over my eye on the left side. It's large . . . and red . . . and ugly. I didn't have any close family. He said, bitterly.

"I was given to an estranged friend of theirs by a social worker . . . and forgotten about. No one checked on me, no one looked after me. By the time I was six, I'd learned how to take care of myself."

"What about your 'caretaker'?" Kanda asked warily, like he was sorry he was asking.

Allen knew he should stop. He was upsetting Kanda with this talk; he was going to make things awkward between them, but he couldn't help himself. He had spent so long with this hurt. No one had ever asked him about it and so he'd never told anyone. Except for that one school counselor he'd talked to, who'd basically told him to grow up.

"He was completely disinterested in having a kid. He always said I was forced on him and he treated me like it. He basically lived off of alcohol and bar food he made no changes when he got me. Most of the food I got as a baby was when I was breastfed by one of his conquests. I'd be surprised if he'd bought one ounce of baby food or formula during my childhood." He paused.

Kanda remained silent in the ensuing minutes and so Allen collected himself and continued. "He only ever took me out with him when he wanted to use me to get women. Otherwise, I was left home alone. Since he mostly ate out, there was never much food around the house. Maybe some rotten fruit here or some canned soup there . . . I had to get creative to get by.

Some neighbors took pity on me and would give me some food, on occasion. One neighbor had an orange tree that they were kind enough to let me pick from. I wouldn't get this kind of help later in life when I started to get older and appear more like a thug to people. When you're poor and a little kid, people want to protect you. When you're poor and a teen or preteen, it's somehow your fault. I was cute and innocent then, so I got more handouts.

I learned how to cook, how to stretch my meals. Things got both better and worse when I was old enough to go to school." Allen stated, wistfully. "Up until that point, I had never played games or been around kids my own age. I never fit in with the other children. I was strange to them . . . and they were strange to me.

I spent most of my time alone there, which made me a troubled child in the eyes of my teachers and, eventually, they gave up on me. It was all worth it, though, for the free lunches. I got two full meals every day at school and they were more often than not the only meals I got. Meanwhile, Cro-my guardian continued to drink and womanize.

He made no secret of his activities and he managed to piss a bunch of people off. I started to hit puberty, I needed more food and got less outside help. I needed to get a job, but no one would help me. I looked like a criminal with my clothing and my hair and my scar helped nothing. A lot of people knew who my guardian was and refused to hire me based on that, too. I took up gambling and card games to get money.

I became The Thug to people and I'd either be frightening or abhorrent to them. I've done my best to distance myself from who I was then." Allen finished, finally realized how long he had been ranting. Uncomfortably, Allen darted a look at Kanda. The other man was staring at him, wide-eyed.

Hesitation and uneasiness filtered into Allen's mind and he just knew that Kanda was the one feeling this. When Kanda didn't answer, he turned his attention back to the ceiling and a truly troubled silence took its place. He regretted it; bearing himself to Kanda.

Kanda just couldn't understand what he'd gone through and now Allen had made things awkward by burdening him with with his past. It was like he couldn't do anything right . . . maybe what Cross had always said about him was true.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Allen sadly said, just above a whisper.

Still, Kanda did not respond.


	25. The Result of Silence

" _ **Always say what you mean and mean what you say. Express how you feel and don't ever apologize for being real." Unknown**_ **(Allen)**

" _ **There are many things I would like to say to you but I don't know how." Unknown**_ **(Kanda)**

" _ **Life is better when you're laughing." Unknown**_ **(Both)**

* * *

A whole month had passed since the night the two men shared together. Life progressed as normal, for Allen at least, he and Kanda continued to go on dates every Friday evening. The rest of the time, Allen split between work and school. Although Allen continued to spend time with his group of friends during the week, he had little meetups on the side with Tewaku.

The sweet girl had always been eager to support her friends when she felt they needed it, but she had never been more proactively loving towards him in the last month. When they were together, they talked about many of the same things they talked about with the rest of their friends, but Allen found himself being more open when they were alone.

They discussed school, work, and, on occasion, she would ask about Kanda. Confiding in people didn't come naturally to Allen. He'd learned over the last couple of years that it sometimes became necessary to confide and that, if he chose the right person, it could even make him feel better than he could have imagined.

It was only his formative years that had taught him to hold back from people and sadly that old lesson had resurfaced a month ago. That night when he'd told his . . . boyfriend about his past, basically bared his soul to him, Kanda hadn't said anything about it.

Allen really didn't know what he'd _expected_. He'd thought that the worst reaction he could get from the other man was pity. He was wrong, the worst reaction he could get was nothing. The utterly empty silence had felt like a loaded gun to him at the time.

Since then, he and Kanda hadn't talked about it. The incident had made Allen ashamed and Kanda uncomfortable so it just became a silent tension between them. Allen knew logically that they should talk about this, but knowing something and bringing yourself to do it were completely different things.

He relayed all of this to Tokusa during lunch.

"Allen . . . She sighed sadly, after she'd heard everything.

"I know. I know." Allen cut her off before she could say what he was dreading she would. He anxiously rested his head in his hands and glared at the table as if his troubles were somehow its fault.

"But you don't." She insisted, smacking her hand on the table and drawing Allen's attention back to her.

"I don't get it!" She angrily half-shouted, uncaring of the curious stares she got from the other students perched at the surrounding tables. "You guys can't seem to get your relationship right and yet you continue to insist on being together! You two are so mismatched and I just don't get it!"

Allen wanted to fire back a response about how that wasn't even half of what their relationship was, but he bit his tongue, as he was so used to doing.

Tewaku took a calming breath and sat down. "Sorry about that, Al. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around it, y'know?" All Allen did in response was nod. "Still, you know I have to be right. If you're in a relationship where you can't talk to the person about yourself without making them feel uncomfortable.

If you feel insecure telling him what's on your mind, maybe you're with the wrong person. It certainly can't be a good sign that you can't trust him and he doesn't support you?" She looked at him with genuine concern. Allen stopped and thought on Tewaku's words. She made some good points, but still . . .

"I think that's just how I am." He knew he was prone to self-doubt and drawing inside himself, it's just him. Sure, Kanda's response that night hadn't really helped matters, but he wasn't directly responsible for how Allen reacted to it.

"Maybe." Tewaku allowed, her brows scrunching up. "But it still represents a big problem in your relationship and you either need to resolve it or end it and Allen, it . . . really doesn't seem like either of you are eager to resolve it." She said the last part softly, with her eyes looking even softer.

"I . . ." Allen didn't know what to say. She was kinda right, everything she was saying made sense to him like it was straight out of the journal of a marriage counselor.

Yet, he didn't want to break up with Kanda just like he didn't want Kanda to break up with him.

He knew they needed each other, more deeply than Tewaku or anyone else could understand. It could be about the fact that he would swear he felt Kanda's emotions sometimes or that it felt like the other man looked right at him and _saw_ him, feelings that half the time made him feel crazy and made his chest feel warm and secure, the other half.

Perhaps it was that, despite how their relationship was sometimes, they were undeniably attracted to each other. More than that, they could perhaps make each other feel alive. It didn't take a genius to see how Kanda had been hurt and subsequently divorced himself from the world around him . . .

. . . and maybe . . . he had been doing that, as well. Allen had gone to more stores and talked to more new people since he'd met Kanda. Perhaps he hadn't realized just how far removed he, too, had been from the rest of the world.

Anyway you slice it, being together was the only thing that felt _right._

Lenalee's black hair slipped in front of her purple eyes as she stood in shock, staring at Kanda.

"Well?" Kanda asked, clearly trying to sound more irritated than he was.

" _Well?_ " Lenalee parroted, incredulously. "Kanda, why didn't you explain this to Allen after the fact? Better yet, why didn't you talk about it that night?" She cried.

A sheepish look crossed Kanda's features and shuffled his body, nervously. "I couldn't, I can't. I'm just not used to this." He said, a little defensively.

"Not used to this?" Lenalee asked, wearily. "Anything you could have said would've been better than silence! What were you thinking of?" The pigtailed young woman demanded.

"You know what I was thinking!" Kanda couldn't stop himself from snapping.

"Oh, yes, I do!" She took up. "It's like i've been trying to tell you, Kanda, other people can feel pain just as strongly as you can!" Kanda opened his mouth to interrupt, but was halted by Lenalee holding her hand up. "I know you know that, but you have a hard time _internalizing_ it.

When Allen admitted to having a dark past, one so much like your own, it completely blindsided you and you had no idea what to say. I understand that, but Allen doesn't because you refuse to talk about it with him-"

"I know!" Kanda snapped again, glaring.

Kanda." Lenalee said, her softer voice causing him to stop glaring. "You need to talk to Allen, you have to set things right. What must he be thinking?"

I don't know, I just don't know." Kanda breathed, shaking his head a little helplessly.

That's why he'd gone to his favorite store where Lenalee worked, while he knew Allen was at college. It was a small store that specialized in items that weren't all that popular, like sword polish, and the way Lenalee told it, she and Allen were the only people working there. There wasn't even a manager, so they had a number to call for the owner if there were any serious problems.

Because of all that, he knew that if he showed up before four on most days, Lenalee would be on duty to talk to him and here he was. Getting her advise on Allen having confessed his past to him had been on Kanda's mind since it'd happened and he'd finally gotten up the nerve to go do it.

"I-" Kanda took a steadying breath. "Ever since I was a little kid, it'd been me and a select few on one side and everyone else on the other. I-I know Dad's told you about some of my . . . _experiences_ in the past, I know he has." Lenalee didn't dispute it.

"I've held onto them for so long, they've been the model for how I act towards people, how I treat them, but Allen . . . he didn't get bitter. He's a- a good guy."

A weight settled in his stomach as he realized that this was the first time he could remember saying something complimentary about Allen out loud.

"This has to stop." The words flew from his mouth now, no filter keeping them from coming. "This 'keeping things to ourselves' thing. It's toxic." Kanda's mind raced through his options.

"What are you thinking, Kanda?" Lenalee asked both parts curious and cautious.

"I'm going to start over." Kanda proclaimed, after a moment.

"Start over, Kanda?" Pure curiosity, this time.

"Yes, I'm going to start over and I'll do better this time." His eyes narrowed and his voice became steely. "Would you mind texting Allen the location for our next date on your phone?"

"Anything, Kanda." Lenalee assured, a smile in her voice at the thought of helping her friends.


	26. Making Right

" _ **I'm falling for your eyes but they don't know me yet." Unknown**_ (Allen)

" _ **We make good conversational partners. I think: I've forgotten the art of small, inconsequential talk and he's never learned it." Unknown**_ (Kanda)

" _ **We didn't talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough." Stephen Chbosky**_ (Both)

* * *

 **(Allen)**

An observatory. Kanda had, via Lenalee, texted him the address for an observatory. He couldn't tell if that was ironic or what. Still, he went in and what he saw was actually pretty cool. It was completely dark inside the place, with tinted windows. The first floor was small and could only comfortably fit maybe ten people.

A set of metal stairs, each with glowing lights affixed to each one, stretched up towards a circular hole in the ceiling that presumably led to the second floor. Feeling a sense of wonder and with a slight smile pulling at his lips, Allen made his way to the stairs and began to climb.

On the second floor there was a bit more furniture, a small theater on one side of the stairway and a concessions stand on the other. Allen assumed people would pay to watch documentaries on astronomy here. Still, no one was here and he found that peculiar. He'd never heard of the place, but surely there must be a few people around? He knew the place wasn't closed.

So he cautiously headed up the stairs to the next floor. This was the most amazing thing yet. The ceiling for this floor was very high, could be thirty feet or more. Off in a corner, there were small stairs leading to a booth where an employee sat, messing around with a keyboard.

There were no chairs in this area, but instead several mats that reminded Allen of kindergarten. They were spread out on the floor and all were empty except for one. In the center, Kanda laid on a mat, hands resting behind his head and staring blankly at the dark ceiling.

Moments after he laid down, the blank ceiling lit up with face stars, looking just like what Allen envisioned of the night sky. The person in the booth must have been waiting for Allen to get here for that. This . . . was actually really thoughtful of Kanda, now that Allen was experiencing it.

Relieved and more than a little curious, Allen made his way over to his waiting boyfriend, making sure his steps were loud to ensure he wouldn't startle the other man. "You're here." Kanda said by way of greeting, not looking away from the ceiling as he did so.

"Of course." Allen said, pulling a mat closer to Kanda and easing himself down on it. "You asked me to, so here I am, but why did you have Lenalee text me the information? Why not just mention it the last time we saw each other?"

"It was a last minute kind of thought." Kanda said, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. To Allen, Kanda had this air around him like he was thinking about something heavy, so Allen laid back and stared at the ceiling with him and waited.

"! wanted-" Kanda started, stopping to collect himself before continuing. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Allen shoved himself up to lean on his elbow. He cast a confused and surprised look at the man for how he chose to start the conversation, though he had an inkling of what the other man was referring to. "Sorry?" Allen inquired. Kanda had yet to look away from the ceiling.

"Yes. Sorry." Kanda said. "For leaving you on your own for so long."

This statement from Kanda only confused Allen more. "What are you talking about, Kanda?" Allen asked, looking to the man he cared for. The look on Kanda's face was peculiar. He looked pained, but at ease in a weird way. "You never left me, we have a date night every week!"

"You're wrong." Kanda insisted, finally looking at Allen. "I did leave you, just not in an obvious way. I-" Here, he stopped and sucked in a sharp breath. "When you told me about your childhood, your past troubles, you needed me.

You needed me to be there for you and I couldn't be. I'm not . . . known for dealing with my emotions properly or at all, in most cases. At the time, I could barely deal with my own emotions, much less someone else's. I'm getting better, though."

Kanda reached for Allen's hand without looking away from his boyfriend's eyes and tangled their fingers together. "I've truly begun to think about my past more since meeting you, instead of just trying to ignore it. My first real talk with my father came only after meeting you. You're making these changes in me and my life and I need to thank you for that."

""What are you talking about?" Allen asked, surprised. "I didn't do anything."

"You did." Kanda insisted. "You cared about me, the only person who's cared so much besides father. When I pushed you away, you pushed back. Sometimes you might've pushed too hard, but you cared enough to do it in the first place. Maybe you didn't mean to do it, but you slowly urged me to be more open minded.

I went to Lenalee for help, I talked to my father, I talked about my past. I never would have allowed any of that to happen without you. I'm getting better at expressing my feelings every day, as you can well see."

He punctuated this by rubbing his thumb along the back of Allen's hand in a gesture of comfort that was unusual for the man. But when you reached out that night a month ago, I didn't react well."

"You could have reacted worse." Allen found himself muttering. "You could've yelled."

Kanda's eyes softened almost imperceptibly. "Not yelling doesn't make it better. I should have said something, _anything_ to comfort you, but I didn't. I'd love to say my ability to deal with emotions or lack thereof was the only reason I couldn't deal with your confession, but I decided when I asked you to come here today that I was going to be completely honest.

The truth is that my feelings about other people played just as much of a role in how I reacted as anything. For so long, I've separated myself from other people. I only inhabited a part of the world I was comfortable with, only talked to the people I had to and that included my dad. You . . . brought me to life, in a way.

People have always been invisible to me, impermanent and lacking definition. You are the first in a very long time to mean something. Lenalee reached some level of importance, she's probably as close to a friend as I've ever had."

Kanda paused, thinking, before nodding to himself. "She's probably a friend, but you . . . you're the only one I _see_ , in more ways than one. For too long, I've been involved in only myself. It got to the point where I, on some level, managed to convince myself that other people don't feel pain the way I do.

Because I never talked to people, never heard their life stories or asked if there was anything that bothered them, my sense of empathy suffered. Your admission of a painful shook this belief to its core and I was shocked. Lenalee helped me realize this when I went to her for help and I determined to make it right."

Allen, who'd been listening silently to Kanda's monologue and feeling a wealth of emotion as he did so, now leaned back and took stock of the situation. There were key parallels to it that he now felt silly for not seeing earlier. A talk between the two about their pasts, while pretending to be underneath the stars.

Kanda was recreating everything he could about that night. Allen said this to Kanda.

"Right." Kanda nodded. "I wanted to turn back time, recreate the night I ruined." Allen opened his mouth to say _you didn't ruin it_ , but Kanda stopped him, like he knew what Allen was gonna say. "I know what I did, but I'll fix it now and say what I should have said when you told me the first time."

Something about Kanda's energy changed. His eyes bored into Allen's, a new softness to them, and Allen knew in this one moment of clarity that Kanda _saw_ him.

"You shouldn't have had to go through what you did and I'm really sorry it happened. Everyone in your life failed you and I thought I knew what that felt like, but I at least had my dad and you didn't have that. I hope . . . I hope I can help heal over the memories by being here for you now." Kanda said all this startlingly softly.

"You don't have to." Allen said, because he had to say it.

"And if I want to?" Kanda asked, smirking.

"Then have at it." Allen smiled softly, the warm buzz of Kanda's feelings at the back of his mind was very welcome after a month of stress. "How did you find this place?" Allen asked, turning his attention back to the stars.

"Probably the same way you did, the internet!" Both chuckled at this and then quieted down as they just basked in each other's presence.

About thirty minutes into that, Kanda found himself opening his mouth and asking a question he probably should have asked before. "Allen, what do you look like?"

Allen let out a surprised huff, but smiled as he answered. "I'm not much to look at. I have silver hair and blue eyes. I don't know what's up with my hair and eye colors, I never got to ask my parents. You remember the car crash I mentioned?" Kanda nodded. "Well, I got an angry, red scar over my left eye from that. People still give me weird looks for it."

Kanda was silent, looking at Allen in surprise before bursting into chuckles. Allen watched him, curiously, waiting for Kanda to explain why he's laughing, which he eventually does when he's done laughing.

"Sorry, it's just . . . I think I see you." Kanda huffed.

"You see me?" Allen checked, not truly surprised by the statement with his revelation of a few moments before.

"Yeah, I've- I think I've been seeing your face for almost as long as we've known each other."

"Have you seen anything _else_?" Allen wondered, aloud.

"No, just you. I don't even know what you're wearing." They both couldn't help laughing at that. Allen found his own reaction surprising, but maybe he shouldn't, considering the strange bond between the two of them.

Still, he should be thinking Kanda is crazy, calling him a liar. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I feel your emotions."

A startled silence greeted him, but then Kanda burst into a fir of laughter. It was contagious and Allen began laughing, as well. It was therapeutic, in a way.

When Kanda stopped laughing enough to speak, what he said warmed Allen's heart. "I _see_ you and you _feel_ me. We're quite the pair, aren't we?" He punctuated this with a chuckle.

"Yeah, we are." Allen smiled at him. As one, the two leaned towards each other, lips meeting in a smoldering kiss.

Together, under the stars, they didn't notice the manicured hand behind them reaching for the fire alarm.

* * *

 **You like, you comment. Them's the rules!**


	27. In Shadows

" _ **To heal a wound you need to stop touching it." Unknown**_

" _ **Stop being so judgemental make sure you fix what's wrong in your life before you start judging others." Unknown**_

" _ **Denial is the worst kind of lie . . . because it is the lie you tell yourself." Michelle A. Homme**_

Tewaku

* * *

Behind the happy couple, in the shadows of the back area, a manicured hand reached for the fire alarm with every intention of pulling it and dousing the two men in water.

 _This should ruin their date . . ._

"Stop." A quiet but firm voice from behind her had Tewaku turned around before she knew what was going on. If she'd had the time to think about it, she'd have immediately recognized the voice.

Link, the stoic bookworm, stood behind her and he was equally hidden in the shadows. Tewaku was shocked to see one of her other friends here, especially Link, of all people. She was so shocked that she probably stood there, gaping like a fish and with her eyes looking even wider than normal, for upwards of a minute. And Link just let her.

Eventually, she came back to her senses enough to talk. "What are you doing here?" She whisper-yelled having just the presence of mind to cut a look over to Allen and his boyfriend to make sure they hadn't noticed them.

"I think the question is: What are _you_ doing here?" Link shot right back at her.

"I-I don't-" Tewaku was stumped. What did she say? Before she could recover, Link beat her to the punch.

"You know why I'm here? I'm here because I saw one of my friends reading some texts on Allen's phone while he wasn't looking. I'm here because I heard you and Tokusa having a very interesting phone call. I'm here because I followed you. That's why I'm here."

Tewaku's heart stuttered in her chest when she'd heard when Link had to say. He'd seen? He'd _heard_? Was he listening on Tokusa's end or hers? Link was so quiet and unobtrusive at the best of times.

"Why are you doing this?" Link asked, as calm and quiet as ever. If he was upset with her, it didn't show well.

"If you heard," Tewaku answered, her voice unconsciously rising. "Then you know why I'm doing this!" She never could match him for composure.

"You're protecting Allen." Link spoke in a way that made this sound both like an answer . . . and a question.

"Exactly!" Tewaku replied, excited by the prospect that he might understand. "Kanda seems like a nice guy, but he and Allen are just incompatible!"

Link looked at her for a moment and then languidly looked over to where the couple were stretched out under the faux stars, lovingly holding each other. "They seem compatible enough."

Tewaku followed his gaze, but turned away quickly. "You know as well as I do that every couple, no matter how unstable, experiences a honeymoon phase. A period of time where they love each other and everything seems like it's going to be alright. Then the crash happens." Tewaku started relaxing as she spoke, a clinical conversation about facts and figures were well within her comfort zone.

"And you're afraid of the crash?" Link's eyes stared at Tewaku with all the intelligence the owner possessed. "I have no doubt that you're afraid for Allen, but how much of your actions are driven by fear for yourself?"

"Afraid for myself?" Tewaku asked, not understanding what her friend was saying.

Seemingly changing the subject, Link asked, "Why did you first join your group?"

That horrible question. Tewaku was shocked to hear it, after so long. Images flooded her mind: _Girls forming a group in the center of a room, giggling and smirking as their gazes darted over to her. Even hiding in the corner of the room, they still found her easily._

 _She felt her head ducking down to her chest before she thought about it. Their words reached her as if she were underwater. They were distorted and washed out, but the words reached her all the same. Ugly. Stupid. Voice. Annoying. They all said it, every time she was at school._

 _Whenever she opened her mouth, there was someone to say how annoying her voice was or how stupid the words that came out of her mouth were. She couldn't escape it, she was never safe. Eventually, she stopped speaking entirely. She stopped trying to make friends, she would only be teased for her attempts._

 _She dressed as cutely as she could, making sure her hair was perfect and her nails even more so, hoping they would stop calling her ugly. They never did. She was mute, lonely, and wounded when she hit rock bottom. When she met him._

 _Allen looked like the person they all said she was. His hair was shock white, like he'd gotten a good fright. Her hair was such a light blonde that many said it was almost white, but there was no mistaking it for him. His hair was white. He had an ugly scar going over one of his eyes and running down his cheek._

 _His clothing was atrocious and his tough yet casual demeanor made him seem like a hooligan. She felt some sort of anger at first seeing this person hang around her school. She wasn't a freak, he was a freak. She was good looking and smart and at least had the money to buy new clothes._

 _There was nothing wrong with her. He had none of that and yet he wasn't the one being tormented, she was. With people like him in the world, what even was so wrong with her? Nothing, she'd done everything right. It wasn't fair. Over the next few weeks, he just hung around outside her school._

 _Teachers tried to report him, even called the cops, but he dealt with it all without his cool and calm demeanor slipping even a little bit. When the cops approached him, and Tewaku was there to see it, he merely talked with them and the cops left._

 _She'd followed one of the officers and he'd explained to an irate teacher that "the boy" insisted he was near the school, but on public property and that he was correct in his assertion that they had no grounds to arrest or even remove him from the premises._

 _The teacher blustered and raved, but the officer insisted that nothing could be done and that the young man threatened to press charges if he or his partner tried anything. He was convincing enough that the officer believed him and the officer left soon after._

 _It was at that moment that a different emotion started to take hold of her when she saw the boy. Two, in fact: envy and respect. Respect for how he handled himself under pressure and envy for his ease with people and casual confidence. Again, he was everything she was told she was and yet he had a better sense of self than she ever did._

 _Envy led her to finally talk to him one day after school. He looked to be around her age, but it was still surprising when she approached him and he was less than an inch taller than her. She'd just kind of built him up as this big, imposing character, she guessed. She hadn't expected him to have been watching her and she probably would've been scared if she hadn't been so intrigued._

 _He started talking about how the other students treated her, how he had an idea for something that might make her feel better. He insisted that she needed friends and invited her to hang out with him and his friends. An open invitation, he said, for use whenever she wanted. They introduced themselves then, she wanted to get to know the person she had clearly just misjudged. Her name was Tewaku and his name was Allen._

Like being pulled from one scene to another, she was suddenly pulled back to the right time and place . . . and the right person. It wasn't Allen standing in front of her, it was Link. He was asking questions and she was painfully aware she didn't have the answers. She'd been convinced she was only helping Allen and she had to admit, she still felt a little like that, but now she was thinking something else.

How much of what she did was for her and how much was for him? She cast a much longer look towards Allen, who looked much happier than she'd ever seen him. Only now did she realize that she'd avoided looking at him and seeing what was right in front of her.

On some level, she'd already known she was doing something bad. The only question no was, could she find the strength to stop?


End file.
